<p>Ok here's a question many guys probably have.. how do you approach a girl that you don't know at all, without making it awkward? I have several friends that are girls, but I know them all through working on something together, or through my other guy friends. However, there is this one girl I like, and I'm sure she likes me, but I have NO idea how to approach her without sounding obvious. It's not that I'm nervous or anything; I could easily make friends with girls if there was just some topic to talk about. But in my case there isn't! She is in one of my 400 person lectures, and in my chem lecture. The thing is, I just don't know what to say! Thoughts?</p>
<p>I have no idea. I have the same exact problem. Perhaps just suggest hanging out or something, that could work, but then again i have a very poor track record when it comes to these things. One girl is just killing me, its just eating me up inside and I'm not doing anything. I can't tell if she likes me (this sounds like I'm in 7th grade), but she's always really happy to see me, etc. However she's just friendly to a lot of people in general so who knows?
I feel your pain though indian.</p>
<p>See I'm pretty sure this girl is interested.. the eye contact is quite noticeable. I just wish there was a f%@#@#! topic to start with her.</p>
<p>Ask her to do some Chem homework, say you need help or something. Then you can spend some time with her etc. That's what I'd do.</p>
<p>The homework ploy is tried and true. Another one is to sit next to her in lecture. At the end of class try this, "I wasn't sure what Prof. Xavier meant when he said that common adhesives are prepared by the polymerization of vinyl acetate. Can you help me?" It's all about chemistry, after all...</p>
<p>lol I love how Rick Tyler came up with an example off the top of his head</p>
<p>Meet her at a party, get drunk, and $hit will happen.</p>
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Meet her at a party, get drunk, and $hit will happen.
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But probably not good **** lol, probably things you might regret. Relationships/friendships should not be based off of getting drunk IMO. But the homework thing should be golden.</p>
<p>Definitely the sit next to her and acting confused thing. Just don't ask too stupid of a question.</p>
<p>Wouldn't it be awkward asking someone you don't know for homework help though? I agree, however, about the asking a question thing. But then it seems obvious if I even sit next to her haha</p>
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Wouldn't it be awkward asking someone you don't know for homework help though? I agree, however, about the asking a question thing. But then it seems obvious if I even sit next to her haha
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<p>You will be asking about converting monomers, but (unless she's an idiot) she will know what you really mean. Don't you young guys understand anything? And, if you are interested you will eventually have to DO something. So just DO it.</p>
<p>(It's a wonder the race manages to continue...)</p>
<p>It's awkward because you've assigned so much meaning to it. You'll be nervous and self-conscious and carrying on an internal conversation with yourself at the same time you're talking to her ("is she smiling?" "Doh, why did I say that?" "quick, think of something to say!") which will doom things. Don't plan it out, just do it.</p>
<p>and as for sounding obvious... The best advice I heard about lines goes something like this: if she's interested, anything you say will work. If she's not, the cleverest lines will fail.</p>
<p>Do not do the homework question thing. That will BORE the girl, and there's nothing worse than talking LOGICAL to attract a girl when really AMBIGIOUS SOUNDING, EMOTIONAL words are much more interesting to her and gain fast rapport with a girl.</p>
<p>Here is the best advice: you want to learn how to approach girls? START APPROACHING AND TALKING TO THEM. If you're waiting for the bus or something and a girl's there, comment on her necklace or something she's wearing (warning: not her physical appearance). Ask a girl if she knows where x-location is. Ask for a 'female opinion' on something. When you're walking by a girl, look at her and slow to a stop and ask her what the ettiquette is on leaving the classroom if a professor is 15 min late, etc. Just random things. You WILL feel nervous doing this, it's natural and it won't go away, you'll just find a way to deal with it. But do not show that you are nervous; just act natural and confident. If YOU think its weird, then SHE'LL think it weird, so act natural. The important thing is to have fun with it, though. See how long you can have a conversation with a random female stranger (striking up conversations with male strangers will also help your social skills as well, way beyond the typical person that keeps to themselves in the elevator, etc.) You will get blown out by females; you will be ignored, rejected, etc. You must take your ego out of the equation. These strangers are responding to your given conversation and body language, not you.</p>
<p>But with females, you must convey that you are a fun, confident, playful man. First of all, when talking to girls, SMILE you miserable wretch! I don't care how bad your day went or what problems you got. SMILE. You must also convey that you are the alpha-male, the tribal leader, confident, not afraid to playfully make fun of her. Don't come off as needy, desperate, or approval seeking, in fact you shouldn't care about the outcome of the conversation at all, including ever seeing the girl again. You're trying to develop a skill set here of social interaction, not bagging some specific girl.</p>
<p>You must have and convey the mindset that YOU are the prize. I mean, you're a pretty d.amn cool guy, aren't you? You're the fun, entertaining guy and she's a girl who's probably feeling lonely in class just WAITING for someone to talk to her. So go up to her and get to know her. See if she's worth getting to know, if she meets the standards to hang out with such a cool guy as yourself. If she's lucky, you'll spend time with her later.</p>
<p>That being said, though, I'd have to advise to forget about this specific girl in your class. Unfortunately, when a guy obsesses over one particular girl for extended time, he actually screws his own chances with her. He becomes way to outcome-dependent and puts too much stock in the convo, and it shows. He also develops delusions about her, erases her faults, and creates and image that even the real girl cannot live up to. However, maybe your not at that point yet (if she's the only girl you think about or you think she's a goddess, you're screwed). Any case, just go up to her to with the attitude that you certainly HOPE she's up to par with you, and if not, you NEXT her. </p>
<p>Otherwise, the best advice is to be a man and have balls. If you believe in yourself half as much as I believe in you, you'll be golden.</p>
<p>You can always go up to her and use the trusted "If you were a pirate would you have your parrot on this shoulder (touch her shoulder closest to you) or this one (reach around to her other shoulder)?" Oh its classic!</p>
<p>I admire PeterP's essay. Pretty close to the world as I know it. I think he only missed one thing, and that is that the girl in your class has made eye contact more than once. What does she have to do, hit you across the forehead with a canoe paddle (actually... that might work)? Get over there and say something!</p>
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That being said, though, I'd have to advise to forget about this specific girl in your class. Unfortunately, when a guy obsesses over one particular girl for extended time, he actually screws his own chances with her. He becomes way to outcome-dependent and puts too much stock in the convo, and it shows. He also develops delusions about her, erases her faults, and creates and image that even the real girl cannot live up to. However, maybe your not at that point yet (if she's the only girl you think about or you think she's a goddess, you're screwed). Any case, just go up to her to with the attitude that you certainly HOPE she's up to par with you, and if not, you NEXT her.
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Haha <em>sigh</em> I'm at that point now. She is all I think about, it is pretty bad and its just because I can't pick up any signals to whether she likes me or not. What should I be looking for?</p>
<p>Peter parker's advice was actually pretty spot on, rare for this forum. The only difference is I would talk to said girl anyway, just don't put too much emotional stock into it. The answer's always no if you don't ask, plus it's honestly good to get rejected sometimes, cuz then you're desensitized to rejection in the future. It's a number's game. Just remember girls are humans too, don't put 'em on a pedestal-they're often more nervous/insecure then you!</p>
<p>I guess I'll tell you some signs that she interested, but the signs of interest are not necessary before approaching a girl, although if you're getting them, get over there and approach!</p>
<p>Usually the scenario is: you approach girl, converse, THEN she shows signs of interest if you've conveyed the right traits and personality, then those signals mean you can escalate things or watever. But these signs of interest aren't very important. Anyway, they include heavy or maintaining eye contact, complimenting you, touching you in any way, laughing at your jokes (even your lame ones), asking you to repeat yourself, asking about you, showing any signs of emotion (even playful sarcasm and sometimes anger), looking down when you look at her, I don't know the list goes on.</p>
<p>Unfortunately girls always give mixed signals and you're never going to know where you really stand. I mean sometimes a girl can be REALLY into you and its obvious but usually that doesn't happen until after you've made all the right moves or have already demonstrated you've got your s*** together. The vast majority of the time you won't know where you stand, but the most successfuly way to play the game is to ASSUME she's attracted to you. You'll feel more confident, and by reacting as if she's attracted to you, she'll become more attracted to you. I mean, used at proper times, saying things like "you're trying to seduce me, aren't you" half-serious half jokingly can work wonders. Or say to her "are you stalking me?.... well, I forgive you because you have good taste <em>smile</em>. Or when she touches you say something like "that'll be $5, this sh** ain't free!" or if you've progressed with a girl you can even use the powerful "you like me, don't you?" (this one isn't said as a joke) I mean, yeah, you can certainly crash and burn if you don't calibrate when to use these, but you get the idea. You don't even have to say any of these things; just frame in your mind that she's attracted to you.</p>
<p>But again, since you're obsessing over this girl you might be able to pick up the perfect 10 in your dorm easier than this chick. There's plenty of hot girls out there. You hardly even know this girl; you haven't spoken to her and most of the things you know about her are your own illusions. Trust me, guys have gone down this road plenty of times. I know you're thinking "No, no no, this girl is different, she's something special... YOU HARDLY KNOW HER! You're probably primarily attracted by her physical appearance anyway, and beauty is quite common in this world. Go up and approach her, but don't put too much stock in it, and accept the fact that she can reject you, and it's nothing personal. Her loss, not yours! You can easily find another girl with probably better qualities than her (you haven't even seen her personality), but she'll probably end up with some boring lame-brained doofus who's less of a man than you are. Just enjoy yourself, and start approaching girls. Don't take it too seriously.</p>
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But again, since you're obsessing over this girl you might be able to pick up the perfect 10 in your dorm easier than this chick. There's plenty of hot girls out there. You hardly even know this girl; you haven't spoken to her and most of the things you know about her are your own illusions. Trust me, guys have gone down this road plenty of times. I know you're thinking "No, no no, this girl is different, she's something special... YOU HARDLY KNOW HER! You're probably primarily attracted by her physical appearance anyway, and beauty is quite common in this world. Go up and approach her, but don't put too much stock in it, and accept the fact that she can reject you, and it's nothing personal. Her loss, not yours! You can easily find another girl with probably better qualities than her (you haven't even seen her personality), but she'll probably end up with some boring lame-brained doofus who's less of a man than you are. Just enjoy yourself, and start approaching girls. Don't take it too seriously.
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I have spent a good chunk of time with her, and she did all of the above touching me, complimenting me, etc. but she does this to other people too, I just can't figure out if it different for me, because she is friendly to other people too. I just need clarity thats all I ASK FOR!</p>
<p>and judging from my experience in the field, you read lots of stuff about pickup, write about it, but dont actually go out and approach. and you dont get laid. term: keyboard jockey</p>
<p>get out there and approach peter parker. do the newbie mission. 4 nights a week, 4 hours per night, 4 sets per hour (15 min each). so 64 sets/ week. do that for 6 weeks. and use 100% canned routines to get into the mode of thinking like a guy that does get laid. fake it til you make it. you can make your own routines when you know what works.</p>