<p>Help! I am currently a high school senior and I have extremely over protective parents. Any decision that I make has to go through a family discussion. From putting on a certain type of makeup to leaving campus for lunch, I always get a "no, it's too dangerous for your health/safety". I know my parents want the best for me, but I am worried that when I leave for college I will go crazy with my new found freedom and my parents will be at home constantly crying because they will worried out of their minds. How do I convince them to slowly start giving me more freedom so that when I do leave, I will be comfortable on my own and they will be comfortable not knowing what I am doing every minute of the day? If you know any good books to five them or just ANYTHING at all, I am all ears.</p>
<p>Going to college is your first real step towards total independence. From food to laundry to waking up in time for classes and balancing a job, you’re not going to have your parents there all the time anymore. Parents tend to be pretty protective when it comes to sending their kid off to college and always want to retain their hold on you but in reality, you are now an 18 year old young woman who should be mature enough to take care of yourself. Props to the ma and pa for wanting to take care of their little girl but you need to make them understand the reality of the situation. You’re not five years old anymore holding your mom’s hand waiting for the school bus.</p>
<p>You can’t control whether your parents sit home and cry. However, you can control whether you “go crazy” with your freedom. Honestly, if you do go crazy that just proves that your parents were right and that you can’t be trusted with more freedom. I don’t think that is what you want. Good luck.</p>
<p>Don’t think they should be sitting home crying – but they could be right. You new makeup look could be unattractive. And leaving campus at lunch – my kids were not allowed to ride with other teenagers, period. Even as seniors in high school. The statistics for teen drivers are terrible. If my kid was there with her own car and wanted to meet the other kids someplace, I was okay with that. As I said, I never sat home and cried about it. But your parents might have a point. And next year you should have a lot more freedom if you are living in a dorm at college. I wouldn’t worry about them next year, they will be fine. So chill and work on your college apps.</p>
<p>You might want to start by asking for permission to take responsibility for aspects of your life that they will find minimally threatening.</p>
<p>For example, if one of your parents habitually wakes you up in the morning, say that you would like to get up using an alarm clock instead (and go buy a loud one). Explicitly say that this is part of your “getting ready for college.”</p>
<p>If there are public buses in your community but you don’t usually use them, ask for permission to take the bus to the mall or the movies or some other familiar place. If necessary, show them that you’ve looked up the route and schedule online and figured out how to pay your fare. </p>
<p>Ask one of your parents to help you improve your cooking skills, and then ask whether you could prepare dinner for the family once a week. Also, if you drive, ask if you could take the family shopping list and do the grocery shopping sometimes (this is a handy way to learn more about food prices, which is something you’re going to want to know about if you move off-campus during college).</p>
<p>When you have a doctor’s appointment, tell your parents that you would like to see the doctor alone, to help practice for seeing doctors alone at the college clinic. Before the appointment, work with your parent to make a written list of questions to ask the doctor. (Parents may be concerned that you will not ask important questions.) </p>
<p>If you do a few things like this, your parents may be ready for you to become independent in ways that are less comfortable for them.</p>
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This seems pretty extreme. What about dates?</p>
<p>I guess I’m an extreme parent, too, in that I don’t allow my teens to ride with anybody else, or drive with anybody else either. I have no problem with them going places and they will meet their friends at the movies, restaurant, etc. They can never blame somebody else for being home after curfew, either! The reason I subscribe to this theory is completely due to the fact that teens drive/behave differently when other teens are in the car with them. I see it all over town with teen drivers.</p>
<p>sylvan, neither of them dated much in high school. But they could drive and meet people if they needed to. It doesn’t seem extreme to me given the facts on teen driving statistics.</p>
<p>[CDC</a> - Teen Drivers Fact Sheet - Motor Vehicle Safety](<a href=“http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/teen_drivers/teendrivers_factsheet.html]CDC”>http://www.cdc.gov/motorvehiclesafety/teen_drivers/teendrivers_factsheet.html)</p>
<p>OP, I feel your pain. I just posted on another thread that I had helicopter parents before it was fashionable and they wanted to be involved in every single tiny aspect of my life. But at least they’re willing to let you go away to college. Mine weren’t - they were too threatened by my possible independence. Oh, I guess I could have pursued it on my own, but 30+ years ago, girls, in particular, tended to do as they were told much more.</p>
<p>our state is actually strict about teens in the car with new drivers… i discouraged more than one passenger in the car. stats show the more kids the more accident prone</p>
<p>I was thinking the same thing - our state won’t allow new drivers under 18 to have passengers other than parents (at least one with a license), a driving instructor, or another driver who has been licensed for 4 years, and is instructing them (slightly less restrictive than a permit), and the second six months they can add immediate family members (siblings). For many that means no friend in their cars through high school.</p>
<p>OP, depending on where you live, your parents’ restrictions may be quite reasonable. They obviously have reasons for them. The next time you have a family meeting to make some of these decisions, remind them that a year from now you will be going away from college, and that you would like to use the next year for transition, to allow all of you to be prepared when you do leave. What that might mean is allowing you to make some decisions, but using the family meeting to discuss or announce your decisions. For instance, have them set parameters for your college applications - how many they are willing to pay for, and how much they can afford to pay each year. Then you use that information to decide where to apply. If you will be 18 my the time you leave, they should not have veto power over your choices (because ultimately you could go to those schools without their permission once you turn 18). But if they are opposed to certain schools, allow them the opportunity to explain why they object, and if you disagree (you might actually agree, once you know their reasoning), ask them to listen to your resons for disagreeing - the key is to acknowledge their specific objections so they know you listened first.</p>
<p>With some parents, this won’t work, often due to cultural issues. But even if it doesn’t help them, it should help you to not feel guilty. As others have already stated, if you are worried that you won’t be able to control yourself with new freedoms, you should consider that when choosing your schools, and maybe look for something close to home, where they can help you adjust to your new freedoms.</p>
<p>OP, I have parents like yours so I think I understand better than many parents here who are saying that your parents are being reasonable. </p>
<p>It makes sense to tell your kid they can’t be a passenger when another teen is driving- fine, it’s dangerous. But when parents literally say “meet at the table during this time, we’re going to have a discussion about how you do your eyeliner and proceed from there”…it’s infuriating.</p>
<p>But hey, OP, you seem to have a good relationship with your parents (I’m getting that from you worrying how they’ll cope when you leave). When at college, call them and talk to them a few minutes everyday. Keep them posted on things that won’t terrify them. It’ll all be good- they’re not the first overprotective parents.</p>