The issue is - the handful.
All the flagships - whether lower selectivity or not - have far more than a handful of the most brilliant kids.
Illinois, Rutgers, etc. - these schools are known for not “incenting”.
You have the auto merits - mentioned already - the South Carolina, Miami of Ohio and others that don’t auto merit - but still regularly give $$.
It’s all about school selection when you are picking the list.
There are the definite, the likely, and unlikely. You chose the unlikely.
How old are your kids? Are they in high school? If not then you really don’t know what kind of GPA they will have. Plenty of scholarships and alternative pathways out there. This is really not something to worry about now besides saving money to pay for college.
The cost of college has gone up so much in the last 3 decades, that YES the whole thing is now really stressful (except maybe for the superstars or the super-wealthy etc.) We also are full pay. When I consider the possibility of paying $80,000/yr for the sort of 3rd tier schools that B students around here often attend…yeah, that leaves me feeling not very excited. So I am prepping my rising-sophomore already for something different. We are thinking outside the box. Possibilities include:
-European schools. Learned more about this from the book and blog “Beyond the States.” An increasing number of programs are now completely in English, low cost.
-Canadian schools (our state actually has reciprocity with a Canadian province and schools there are dirt cheap. Even in provinces where there is no reciprocity the cost is lower. And going to school in Canada can help you qualify for residency.)
-States where we have reciprocity.
-A 2 year tech school degree, then working for a few years, then later a 2 year “completion degree” to get the BS.
-Duel enrollment credits
-Employer-paid education (e.g. Target is a big employer around here, and pays for even part-time employees)
-Schools with “flagship match” programs (an example is Beloit)
-non-flagship publics in our own state. A few have surprising strength in select departments.
-Study abroad opportunities that can compensate for the rest of the time at the “unexciting” local public
-Domestic exchange programs like National Student Exchange (A consortium of 200 colleges in the US, Canada, and the Caribbean. You can exchange for up to a year and you pay only in-state tuition. Some really cool schools belong: UMass Amherst, Hawaii, St. Olaf, Cal Poly SLO)
Anyway, once I started looking outside the box, things got more exciting (and much less expensive.)
ETH Zurich is almost free tuition even for non citizens. You need to know German.
How to get excited? Move your mindset.
College is like cars: many folks find it pretty necessary for modern American life, not so much if you have good local mass transit (or community colleges) and rich people have better options than most of the rest of us. No one claims any right or expectation to an expensive car.
If you think of the great road trips of your life they were probably not great because of the vehicle, but because of who you were with and where you were going. So get your mind around the idea of long term goals like life experiences with friends more than which school will carry you there. There are great people at most schools. A certified medical school in West Virginia or North Dakota gets you a license just like Johns Hopkins. More Fortune 500 CEOs went to state schools than privates. Don’t sweat the labels, just aim for a happy journey.
My daughter got $10k per year at Purdue for OOS state tuition, and $20k at Fordham, she wanted to be in NY, but I didn’t let her apply to NYC. In the end she didn’t go out of state at all.
My other daughter got full tuition at Baylor, and National Merit Presidential scholarship at Texas A.M(or something like that), they even offered to fly her out to see the school. Neither kids had any interest in universities with hot weather. They like mild Mediterranean climate.
I noticed that even auto merit amounts have gone down in the years between my 2013 and 2021 grads. My 2021 had higher stats but got less auto merit at the same group of colleges where my 2013 received generous merit. Could be they are reducing their amounts or more applicants are reaching auto merit stat levels, or they have higher numbers of applicants in general. Likely a combination of all of the above. My 2021 did get a couple of small surprise awards from colleges that we didn’t expect, but nothing that significantly affected the bottom line.
I think the key is having a bottom line and sticking firmly to it. Don’t fall in love with too many colleges you can’t afford or aren’t willing to write a check for, hoping for enough merit to make it “affordable”. It’s easy to get caught up in what others are doing - try hard not to do that.
Why do you need to be excited as long as your kids find colleges which meet their academic and social needs, which you can afford? For most people, figuring out what their kids are looking for in an education and being lucky enough to make that happen is enough. Doesn’t need to be exciting, something to brag about, a FOMO inducing moment for your friends and family. Just needs to work for you.
Say it louder for the people in the back!
There are a lot of good posts here, but you nailed this one. I’m not concerned about the money, it’s the bragging rights that I am concerned about.
While that may sound petty to some, that may sound like a very real problem to others.
My observation is that virtually everyone seems to have bragging rights for their kids when their kids are seniors. I would like my fare share of bragging rights as well.
Then brag on your kid - hey, my son goes to Indiana - go Hoosiers. Or my son goes to Arkansas. Woo Pig Sooie
It doesn’t have to be - my kid goes to Arkansas - and they got the out of state waiver.
That’s what you mention when someone is looking for a great deal…not just to brag on them.
Love your kids, like I’m sure you do, and be proud of them no matter what they do. They matter - not where they go to college, the military branch they join or job they take. All of that is very braggy -and brag on them no matter what.
Are these bragging rights of particular importance in your social circles? I.e. do the scholarships your students get increase your social status in ways that are practically useful to you?
Often times parents focus on their kids’ accomplishments to make up for a lack of their own. They bask vicariously through their children’s success. You will have your own to flex about as evidenced by the 3 letters that will follow your name in a few years. That’s an accomplishment you can be rightly proud of.
It also sounds like your kids are still young. They may surprise you as they mature. My own kids didn’t hit their strides until high school and the younger one not until senior year.
You can brag that you pay $300k for your kids education. How many people can say that.
I am not sure that this is something that you can brag about.
If you are attending university for free or nearly free, and the person in the next room in the dorm is running up $10k per year in debt, then this might be a touchy topic that you might be better off avoiding. The MD student who is on track to be called “doctor” with no debt at all probably tries to avoid letting their fellow students know this
In the cases that I am familiar with, finding a relatively economical university usually involves doing something that is the opposite of something that people think is worth bragging about. Attending a university where your stats are in the top 10%, attending an in-state public university, starting at community college, or attending university in Canada (particularly for those of us living in the northern part of the US and/or having dual citizenship), are all ways that I have seen to get a very affordable education. However, these are mostly the opposite of “attend top 10 university” that some might be tempted to brag about.
There are also students attending a top 10 university on a full need based financial aid. My freshman year roommate was one of them (a LONG time ago). However, again being low income is rarely something people brag about.
Perhaps I am confused.
There’s a difference between acknowledging and celebrating an accomplishment, “Joey got into Harvard! I’m SO proud of him and excited for his next four years”.
And bragging, “Did I mention that Joey got into Harvard?” “Did you know that less than __% of applicants get into Harvard?” “Go Harvard!” “#ProudHarvardMom” “Moving Joey into Harvard! So proud of my brilliant son!”
Incessant bragging (about anything) is annoying and unbecoming. I welcome celebrations of accomplishments from anyone in my social circle, but if it morphs into endless bragging, then I can choose to disengage with them socially (or mute them on social media) until they get it out of their system.
Once August rolls around and everyone is tucked away on their respective campuses, people forget who went where and they stop caring about it - so in most cases, the college bragging season is short lived.
If you must brag, then brag about your kids’ accomplishments, not about where you are writing the tuition check.
This is really dumb. My kid just graduated in May and I don’t know ANYONE who talks about how many scholarships their kid did or didn’t get and how they don’t have to pay full price for college or even bragging on where their kids got into college and I live in an area with many kids going to Ivies and getting big scholarships. It would be gauche to talk about this with acquaintances. The only question that is acceptable is “What are your (or your kid’s) plans for next year?” You don’t ask what college because that is an assumption that they are going to college. You ask about “plans” which leaves them the opening to say, “Oh, they’re going to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, State U, small college no one has ever heard of, community college, overseas, gap year, military, working, traveling, not sure yet.” And you don’t brag on it or tell about it unless asked.
As a perpetual college student, do you also have a job? Maybe it’s time to stop being a perpetual,College student and understand that your kids will be entering college.
In the event this is genuine (which is difficult to believe)…
In my circle, the “brags” you seem to be referring to would be considered gauche. Yes, we discuss our kids colleges and the activities they’re involved in, friends made, challenges encountered, struggles to adjust (and being proud of them for overcoming), etc. At this time last year it was the excitement of a new life adventure and gratefulness the kids found a college home. My D’s friends are attending state schools (some regionals) and Ivies and everything in between. Those are the “brags” we bring up.
My D received a merit scholarship which I’ve mentioned on CC, but only our close friends and family know the details. No one would even think to ask how we paid for college and nor would I ask them.
Also my D’s high school did not address scholarships at all at senior awards ceremonies. I know that’s a common practice some places, but I’m so glad her school did not do that. That seems to be one more way to exclude.
My “tough love” advice:
Grow up.
Seriously. This isn’t about you. It isn’t about living vicariously through your children. It isn’t about bragging rights. It isn’t about telling a “cool” story about how you somehow paid for your kids’ college by selling used books on eBay, or selling cake pops, or selling something else on the street corner.
This isn’t about your Instagram story.
Option 1:
Get a better paying job for yourself. Cut your household expenses. Save money. When your kids are old enough, have them get a part time job. Do some research and find lower tiered/ranked schools that offer scholarships for kids with your kids’ stats. Seriously consider community college and then transfer. And stop comparing yourself to the other Stepford parents who equate their own self worth with where their kids go to college. Find an AFFORDABLE option for your kids and then brag about THAT.
Option 2:
Continue on as a perpetual college student. Hyper focus on “top ranked” schools that you can’t afford and that your kids might not get into. Listen to all of the Stepford Wives in your community who act like your entire future is dependent on getting into Harvard.
If I were you, I’d go with option 1.
How are you paying for the master’s degree you just finished and the PhD program that you’re starting later this year?