<p>I’m smiling right now because I’ve been FB stalking my kids for years. Only one time I blew my cover when I mentioned that I did not like an off color comment one of my kids friends posted on FB.(I mentioned this in person, not on FB) In hindsight, that was a good thing because it reminds them that anyone can see what they post.</p>
<p>Thank you, all! I’ve been feeling like such a pathetic-loser mom, missing her kids, and you’ve made me feel so much better! It’s so nice to know I’m not the only one going through major withdrawal! I guess the good thing is (at least I keep telling myself . . . ) that truly, “no news is good news!”</p>
<p>Oh yes, every so often you have to drop a little comment to let them know that you see all that stuff on there. Or there’s always “your grandparents see this, you know.” </p>
<p>I had a FB chat with DD tonight. Ended up missing her more afterwards but it was worth it. :-)</p>
<p>Great thread. A couple of thoughts, different from the good stuff that has already been posted.</p>
<p>My son and I, for his first few months at bs, would keep google chat up during study hours. It was our long distance equivalent of sitting in the house together, everyone doing their own thing but jumping in with a comment or question once in a while. I don’t think it disrupted his studying (grades were good) and it might be a solution in a quiet-enforced dorm room. Facebook chat would work too, but facebook can definitely be a distraction… </p>
<p>While it is generally true that no news is good news, it is definitely not always the case. Kids who are depressed or are just trying to suffer through or are having difficulty and are worried that parents might take it badly will also avoid the phone. Advisers often don’t have any way of seeing this as the kids are good at acting like everything’s okay. This is why I’m a big believer in the enforced, longish, once a week phone call that first year, if you’re not getting enough communication otherwise (definition of enough to be determined by each parent who knows his/her child best). </p>
<p>And yes, one thing I still really miss, even after three years, is not knowing my kid’s friends and their parents. In fact, I’ve noticed that he often avoids naming people, other than close friends–maybe he’s anticipating the facebook stalk! However, in other ways, I find that distance makes us closer–the everyday tension is gone. So the trade-off is worth it.</p>
<p>I’m waiting for the technology that enables you to hug your kid across the miles everything else is just a tease. :(</p>
<p>Yes, I admit that I’ve already started fantastizing about that first hug when we go to Family Weekend in a few weeks…</p>
<p>We found that information provided on school’s website about daily activities and special events, most informative. At least through that, I had an idea about specific things to inquire about with my S. But yes, detailed information from BS kids about tests, quizzes and every day life does seem to suffer.</p>
<p>If you are at all within driving distance, weekend sports activities are great excuse to travel to come and visit for the day. My S always seemed pleased to have us there, and we could usually get him to come for a meal afterwards. It was also a good way to meet other parents in a festive atmosphere, and glean information from them as well!</p>
<p>I also use the school website to find out scheduled events and text questions "how was the football game?’ also I do something that helps me a lot but might be a bit “woo woo” for others; as part of my daily meditation practice I send loving thoughts to my son and imagine him sending them back to me. It helps me feel connected even if we don’t have daily contact.</p>
<p>My daughter is in ninth grade and in her second year at a jr. boarding school. She is in the process of applying out at secondary schools for next year. I just spent a week with her interviewing at 10 schools… we barely communicating then or now. We usually text, and she stops texting when she is done talking. I only call her when it’s urgent, because I feel like I’m intruding and don’t want her to feel guilty about having to call me back. I know they have a rigorous schedule. The school has them at breakfast by 7:00 and with school, sports, dinner and study hall, she isn’t “free” until after 9:00 PM and that is if she has completed her homework. It’s frustrating, but I know she is literally in a different world filled with stress. Try not to take it too personally. We talk maybe once a week, and it’s very hard to catch up on everything. I know I am missing out on her daily experiences except what she chooses to share. I’m assuming your daughter has an advisor. Perhaps you can touch base with her and ask her to nudge your daughter (discreetly) to keep in better touch with you. You can probably find out a great deal of what is going on at school from the website as well.
Often, I text just to say, “have a good day” or “good luck” for a test, but such texts don’t mandate and don’t usually get me a reply. I continue to do my part and let her know I am there without pressuring her (usually). The lack of communication continues to be very difficult and hurtful, especially because she is so young. Honestly, if your daughter were doing badly or if she were unhappy, her dorm parent or advisor would contact you if she wouldn’t. You could also let her know that you need to simply hear from her to know that she is ok and happy. Let her know that you aren’t looking for an hour of conversation and just want her to touch base. I hope this is at least a little helpful ;)</p>
<p>^^crekson, good luck to you as you go through the application process this year. Ours came from a JBS as well. JBS kids seem to do very well in placement overall.</p>
<p>Thank you 2kidsnoanswers! I appreciate the good wishes. At this point, my essays are done, and I assume my daughter’s are as well, but obviously we have yet to push the electronic buttons. She is retaking the SSAT this weekend. I’m hoping that what I’m hearing is true. Supposedly the SSAT really isn’t as important as the EC, recommendations , grades and leadership roles. My daughter is straight A’s, proctor, head ambassador…yadayada. She is applying to a wide range of schools but definitely has her favorites. It seems like March 10 is sooooo far away.</p>
<p>I’m impressed that you are so near to pressing the electronic buttons, crekson! Many are busy scrambling over December break (uh, including us, when it was our turn). I wish your DD good luck on the SSAT. I don’t know what schools your child is applying to, but the rest of her background sounds very good, and no doubt the jr BS placement office has given you good guidance. No one likes the long wait to March 10, but it is helpful to use that time to get to know the schools as well as you can. The time between acceptance and the need to commit to one school just flew by.</p>
<p>I reread your post on communication…adolescence is a poignant time, isn’t it? I hope that you are finding your child to be more talkative, but if not, you have plenty of company. I know lots of parents around here of <em>day</em> students who say ‘they never see their kid anymore’.</p>
<p>Ummm, I am near to pressing the button. My daughter? Well, the communication issue being what it is…I’m not quite sure why we’re not proceeding. You are right. The Secondary School Placement Office is fantastic at her school, as is her advisor. We both have a wonderful and close relationship with her advisor who is so helpful, kind and a wealth of information. (As well as an admission officer and her hockey coach.) MY plan is to have her submit our part of the app. before break. Her plan? Don’t know!! What year is your daughter? If you don’t mind me asking, what JBS did she attend?
Mine is applying for Sophomore year at Choate, Williston Northampton, Loomis, Groton, Brooks, St. Georges, Lawrenceville and Westminster. Schools have a great deal in common, but there are a few things about each school that are very different and make the difference between and good fit and what could amount to a mistake.</p>
<p>DS/BS Teenagers are relatively the same. I have a Junior in HS at home. When I do see him, he’s either hold up in his room sleeping or studying. I think the difference is boys vs. girls</p>
<p>Pm’d you, crekson, on the details.</p>