<p>Hello! I'm having a little difficulty convincing my parents to let me go out of state. Money is not a huge issue to my parents, because either way we'll have to pay some amount. However, my parents (more specifically my mom) thinks I cannot handle it. me being a girl and need to watch out for myself and all. So i was wondering if there are some good arguments or issues i can address to her to convince that going out of state IS an option and will not be a huge issue?</p>
<p>Have you had decent grades? Decent behavior? If so, you deserve to go OOS if it works financially. My son insisted on going OOS. Does your Mom seriously think guys in another state will be different from guys in your state?</p>
<p>My son also wanted to go out of state, to experience a different part of the country and do something different from most kids at his HS. Maybe you can be out of state, but still not that far away, like just a state or two away? Perhaps still driveable? Does your family have friends with daughters who have attended out of state that they could talk to? Also, at most colleges, there is info on their website re safety and security measures they take–maybe they could look at that. There are no guarantees anywhere: my niece is at school in-state at Va Tech and we all know what happened there. But most schools are very safe–maybe safer than our hometowns. Could they maybe just be using the safety issue as a reason to keep you close? Could you pick a few of both, in and out of state, to apply to?</p>
<p>I knew early on my daughter was going to want to leave our state to go to school…she wanted to experience something very different, and both her Dad and I support that. College is a unique part of your life, and the bridge into adulthood. </p>
<p>Originally, we thought she’d choose a school just one or two states away. Instead, she fell in love with a school almost 800 miles away. I’ll be honest: I will worry with her so far away and no family nearby in case of emergency. Let’s face it, if something happens there, the travel time to get to her is a good 6 hours by plane (includes travel to/from airport and waiting time) or 12 hours by train. </p>
<p>But the internet is a glorious thing…and will keep us more connected than even we originally thought. A couple of webcams and Skype ID’s means we can “see” each other every day if we want (although I by no means expect her to contact me every day!). She can dash off a quick text message to me, or e-mail me her latest news and pictures of her art projects.</p>
<p>I did investigate as much as possible the available security at the school, and how she can safely navigate the open campus area at night and on weekends. Fortunately the school has a large resident population and good shuttle bus service. No campus or city is 100% safe, and as long as she practices common sense, she’ll be fine.</p>
<p>My daughter knew from the beginning that she would go out of state. We live in Maryland, and the only universities here that a top student might consider attending are Johns Hopkins, UMCP, and the Naval Academy. For various reasons, none of these was a good choice for her.</p>
<p>She is now a sophomore at a college in another state, about a seven-hour drive away. </p>
<p>I do not think that her gender made this more difficult than it would have been for her brother (who attended UMCP but is now at graduate school in California). About the only concern I had about her going that far away was making sure that there was a safe way for her to get home for breaks; I didn’t want her accepting rides from strangers on ride boards, and she didn’t want to do that, either. Fortunately, even before she applied to her current college, we had learned about a charter bus between the campus and our area that operates during the breaks. End of problem.</p>
<p>Safety for girls has little to do with how far away you are from your parents. It has a lot to do with common sense, and you don’t need a different amount of that if you are seven hours from home than you would if you were seven miles from home.</p>
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<p>Absolutely.</p>
<p>If your mom is specifically worried about your physical safety, you could look around for a self-defense course. Maybe it could be a “mom and daughter” project for the two of you this summer.</p>
<p>If your mom is worried about what you will do for shorter vacations when there isn’t time/money to get all the way home, you could go through her address book and find out what relatives and friends of the family live not-so-horribly far from the school you want to go to. I grew up in Iowa. My mom’s family was in Pennsylvania. I went to college in PA, an hour from one aunt, and about three hours from the others. So yes, I always did have family to mooch off of for any short holidays. I also made friends with local students who were more than happy to take me home to be fed and spoiled by their moms. As long as you are a polite and appreciative guest, you will be invited back. I’m still close with my aunts, and my “adoptive families” 30+ years later.</p>
<p>Are you wanting to follow a particular person somewhere out of state? I wonder if that is what is bothering your mom (rightfully so).</p>
<p>My D had always thought she’d go to school in-state (CA). When she got accepted to WUSTL she just had to change her mind. She told us - “If I stay in California, then I think that I will never really learn to be independent; I will rely on you guys too much.” This “maturity” on her part really impressed us (and, it was worded in such a way that we didn’t feel like she was fleeing as far as she could just to get away from us!) </p>
<p>Also, the fact that WUSTL is SUCH a nurturing school for both students AND parents gave us the peace of mind to send her there. </p>
<p>So - mature reasoning and finding a school that makes everyone feel safe and secure was key in our household! And she had a fantastic first year!</p>
<p>Wow, that’s some good advice. Umm, as for my grades/maturity I must say that i am an honor student, i’m vice president of our school’s national honors society and I believe for the most part I am mature. I think my mom is just scared of letting go and more worried that if something does happen, she can’t drive 2-4 hours and just help me out, but again I believe that’s part of growing up, being able to depend on yourself. And I really like the self defense classes, but I don’t know if she will have time in the summer because she stays so busy. And also, I am not following someone out of state. I live in Ohio, and although there are some great medical programs here, I would really like to go to Boston U. because they have an amazing medical history and a 7 year program, but again, I have the feeling that I’ll most likely apply to both places.</p>
<p>I would check the school’s website to find what parental links are available. You can then have her review them to see if they answer her fears. Next have her call the school if she doesn’t have all her questions answered. </p>
<p>Beyond that, maybe a couple of examples might help. We live in Alaska and our 1st son went to school on Oregon. Any in-person help was a plane trip and at least a 1 hour car ride away. He was able to survive with that distance. What happens is she’ll learn to “fix” most problems over the phone, snail mail and through emails. While most colleges won’t give out your personal information, they will be helpful in providing directions to parents. </p>
<p>While my wife would have liked to have flown down for every problem, she did learn that all it would have accomplished is that she’d be worrying there instead of at home. In fact, most problems would have been fixed before she got there. Most problems can only be fixed by you and it will take her time to realize it.</p>
<p>One great thing about cell phones is that you can be in contact no matter where you are. Promise you mom you’ll call her at least weekly (no calls lead moms to think the worst has happened), if not more often. Sometimes call to get an opinion from her (we still get calls on where to find something in a grocery store in another state). All this will help ease her mind and make her feel she’s still a part of your life.</p>
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<p>At colleges that serve a national population, usually the dorms stay open for the shorter breaks. At colleges that mostly serve students from the same state, this may not be the case.</p>
<p>My daughter goes to Cornell University, which is an example of the first type. All the dorms stay open for every break except the month-long winter break. </p>
<p>My son went to the University of Maryland, which is the other type of school. There, most of the dorms close during the short breaks. Students from far away usually request rooms in the few dorms that stay open.</p>
<p>My parents can’t shake this idea that, if I go to NYU (I live in VA), I will get swine flu and will be unable to care for myself. Is it just me, or is this argument kind of ridiculous? Ugh how do you counter that sort of thing?</p>
<p>^^ Tell her if there’s a serious problem you’ll go to the hospital, which they happen to have there, and the medical staff will be able to take better care of you than your mother. If it’s not serious, you can take care of yourself (but will follow some of your mother’s advice of course).</p>
<p>^^^ most major universities have excellent health centers or hospitals on/near campus. </p>
<p>eeeohs…what are your parents saying? Are they saying you must live at home? Are they saying that you can only go to a school that is a few hours away? What if you get ssick there…it’s not like you can drive home sick for mommy to take care of you.</p>
<p>BTW…and virtually any 18 year old can manage swine flu, you just take the meds.</p>
<p>The hysteria over swine flu has gotten out of hand. If you look at the percentage of deaths of swine flu vs. the regular flu that hits every year they are the same. </p>
<p>The media has blown this WAY out of proportion!</p>
<p>eeohs - if you go to NYU you’ll be in a city with the best health care in the world. People travel from every corner of the globe just to see doctors and be treated at hospitals in NYC.</p>