<p>Hello,</p>
<p>I am a freshman in college, and my parents will not let me live on campus. In the past, I have always been very responsible and independent - many of my peers say I am far more responsible and reliable then they are - I never miss or skip classes, and my grades are really good. I have a fair amount of scholarships/financial aid which together make it so my parents don't have to pay for tuition, books or even the food I eat. That leaves only a place to live..</p>
<p>I live in a different city from campus and it's about 30 minutes away, since I don't have a drivers license or a car, my mother drops me off in the mornings (and complains about it everyday), so that she can get to work on time herself, and I have to get up at 4 AM. I have a bus now, but it takes about an hour and half to get home using the bus, and I usually don't get home until really late at night - and then I have to study because I want to keep up my grades and don't sleep until 12 or so, I do not spent any time socializing at all.</p>
<p>I've had to drop two classes so far because it did not fit my parents schedules and they told me they wouldn't take me to school for it. They are very impatient about it if I need to attend a lecture on a Sunday afternoon (which I do for one class) or need to participate in research after my classes end.</p>
<p>Money is not a problem - aside from the fact that they aren't really paying for anything aside from gas, my parents had about $10,000 saved up for me for college (how is it being used here?). When I asked them in the beginning of the school year they said I shouldn't get a loan because they will pay for my room, but then when I asked them to sign the lease, they wouldn't do it and I had to sign up for a private (about the same cost) residence that was very close to campus. I did so, and once my name was off the waiting list my parents again refused to sign the lease. Then they said they would let me stay at a more expensive apartment, and at the last minute changed their minds about it.</p>
<p>My parents have been taking out their stress on me and I usually go home to yelling, or hitting, and while I try to stay calm, it's starting to get a little difficult.</p>
<p>What should I do? Isn't college the point where I'm not supposed to be worried about this anymore? Where my biggest worry should be my grades, not whether or not it's safe to go home?</p>
<p>Have you asked your parents about why they turned down all the leases? Have you tried selling them your point of view?</p>
<p>Yes, I have, but any attempt I make at talking or telling them my perspective generally ends in them raising their voice and starting a tantrum, so I stopped trying to communicate my perspective after a while… It doesn’t get heard.</p>
<p>I kind of understand my parents perspective - all of my siblings went to college a lot closer to home so they stayed at home, and in our culture, it’s abnormal for a child to live outside the home, especially if the child is female. I’ve heard of cases where an entire family moved cities just so they stay with their child while they’re in college. It was also a reason my parents refused to pay for any application for a college too far from home anyway - I was not able to even apply to those.</p>
<p>My older siblings have all tried reasoning with my parents, but there’s only so much they can do when my parents aren’t willing.</p>
<p>I would try something on my own, but I’m still 17. Legally, I have to just deal with my parents… Which was fine in high school, but it’s affecting my performance in college where it matters more. In high school, I didn’t really have to study so I still managed to find time, but in college I do, so I don’t want to just wait it out, because it will be an entire year of college more before I turn 18.</p>
<p>I am studying hard and most of my grades are pretty good but the downside to that is that I’m tired all the time due to lack of sleep, stressed because my parents keep it that way, and since I have to carry a heavy bag around campus, it doesn’t help much… I’m not the strongest person out there… Also I take it to offense that you say that when I had to drop two classes to meet my parents schedules, and occasionally can’t attend things like Sunday lectures which are for a grade (we write an essay about it later). It’s not as simple as that, and if I were living closer to home so I wouldn’t have the problems I’m having, it might not have been so bad.</p>
<p>I do want to socialize more, but even if I didn’t that wouldn’t matter, I would at least like to be able to sleep more without affecting my grades anymore… I’m drinking almost 3-4 cups of coffee a day just to stay awake and even then falling asleep. I wanted to change things a little bit in college… play badminton a little, but I don’t even have time for that, and badminton is something I really love doing. </p>
<p>I’m not and will never be the kind of person who parties… I don’t drink or smoke and I’m not that interested in most clubs either.</p>
<p>Edit: Since I arrive to school two hours before any class of mine begins I fell asleep in the library once and ended up missing a class for the first time. Seriously, that was terrible because it’s not like me to miss classes EVER.</p>
<p>Edit 2: I’m not paying for anything in college right now due to scholarships/financial aid. I did well enough in high school that it’s helping me now. Remember the above post, not paying for tuition, books, or food (on campus food).</p>
<p>The idea here is that there seems to be a few factors at play:</p>
<p>1.) Your parents feel very uncomfortable about being empty-nesters.
2.) You’re not legally an adult yet (this has several implications)</p>
<p>For #1, you’re going to have to work with your parents on that. By the sounds of your post, it sounds like you’re excited and ready to be at college. Yet, your parents have their needs just as much as you have yours. See if you can have an agreement on how often you will call and return home.</p>
<p>For #2, being under 18 means that you’ll really be stuck in tight situations at various times. You won’t be able to get medical treatment by yourself, (at least in my state) you can’t purchase medicine if you get sick, and you won’t be allowed to sign contracts by yourself. There’s just so many tiny details about living independently that make it extremely difficult if you’re a minor. By living with your parents, they can take care of those issues for you.</p>
<p>The last thing is maturity: it’s a continual spectrum, not a ready-or-not thing. Between my freshman and senior year (now), I have almost a completely different worldview. There’s been a lot of personal growth during the time. You’re only 17. By the time you’re 18, a lot will have changed. Your parents probably thought it was best to ease you into the college environment, because while you may be academically ready, you might not be as ready in other aspects. For example, I challenge you to think about why you think it’s so important to never miss a class…</p>
<p>Hope this gives you a few things to think about, and try talking to your parents a bit more. If they throw a tantrum, figure out how to defuse it.</p>