<p>Was I supported in my teenage losses? Having parents who survived the Depression and WWII, I knew exactly where my challenges fell in terms of the world. They were terrific parents in that they 1) taught history – both general and family and 2) told me constantly that they valued tenacity and generousity (two qualities any person can choose to have). </p>
<p>I was cherished without being put on a pedestal. </p>
<p>About a dozen years ago I attended a speech at the University of Illinois by a European woman who had studied pre-schools around the world. (Cool PhD topic!) She said that Americans (“particularly Californians”) were hugely into teaching high self esteem to preschoolers. This was in contrast to the rest of the world – and she gave examples of what parents would typically say in different countries (I remember Uganda was mentioned as a place where work effort was praised and good manners were praised in Sweden). The speaker went on to say she was deeply concerned about what we were doing to American kids because of the expectations the kids seemed to have of what would be unfolding in their lives. </p>
<p>She changed my life. I tried to incorporate more emphasis on manners and work effort with what we were saying to the guys. She really opened my eyes to the language families around me were using. It was unnerving!</p>
<p>Later on, I heard a teen therapist here in Olympia talk about treating teens with entitlement issues. (I began to realize that there are some blessings to being financially limited – our guys had never had a tantrum because they lacked a sports car – such a thing never even occurred to them!). But the therapist went on to say how miserable some of her patients were – they expected their parents lifestyle to be the starting place for their own lives (ie, they would BEGIN with a house, cars, etc) – and when that wasn’t reality, it was depressing and overwhelming. Re-aligning what they had been told as youngsters with reality was a brutal business. </p>
<p>So, yesterday I read this piece in the Atlantic. I’ll post part of it below. </p>
<p>[How</a> a New Jobless Era Will Transform America - The Atlantic (March 2010)](<a href=“http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/201003/jobless-america-future/2]How”>http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/201003/jobless-america-future/2) Part of it reads:</p>
<p>In her 2006 book, Generation Me, Twenge notes that self-esteem in children began rising sharply around 1980, and hasn’t stopped since. By 1999, according to one survey, 91 percent of teens described themselves as responsible, 74 percent as physically attractive, and 79 percent as very intelligent. (More than 40 percent of teens also expected that they would be earning $75,000 a year or more by age 30; the median salary made by a 30-year-old was $27,000 that year.) Twenge attributes the shift to broad changes in parenting styles and teaching methods, in response to the growing belief that children should always feel good about themselves, no matter what. As the years have passed, efforts to boost self-esteem—and to decouple it from performance—have become widespread.</p>
<p>These efforts have succeeded in making today’s youth more confident and individualistic. But that may not benefit them in adulthood, particularly in this economic environment. Twenge writes that “self-esteem without basis encourages laziness rather than hard work,” and that “the ability to persevere and keep going” is “a much better predictor of life outcomes than self-esteem.” She worries that many young people might be inclined to simply give up in this job market. “You’d think if people are more individualistic, they’d be more independent,” she told me. “But it’s not really true. There’s an element of entitlement—they expect people to figure things out for them.”</p>