@lookingforward, I agree it’s the wrong kind of pressure, but I have a feeling at least a teeny bit of it was instilled by dad, even if he didn’t mean to. Lots of cultures come from more of a “make the family look good” orientation than our more individualistic one. Also, lots of pressure on immigrants these days. So I feel for OP (it’s OK to privately grieve a bit), while at the same time cheering her on to feel proud.
OP, You did give it your all and that’s the important thing! I hope you get into your dream school and thrive there. Remember, the best revenge (though actual revenge is not called for) is living well. Be gracious and hope the val and sals do fine things with their lives too.
It seems like you’re going to lose that position because your competitors have enrolled in classes that are weighted differently. There is nothing performance-wise you could have done to avoid this situation, right?
@lookingforward A lot of the times receiving a silver instead of gold in the olympics is a difference of huge amounts of money that could have been gained by commercial deals and such. Most olympic athletes are not rich. I think their being sad is very understandable. Its like being the best D-League player but your never called up to the NBA.
Write a heart felt note to your parents on graduation day thanking them for all they’ve sacrificed. The words and hug will mean more than valedictorian. Be proud for your job well done. None of us have control over accolades. I tell my kids work hard, lean into challenges, not away and let the chips (awards) fall where they may. If you continue to work hard, and use your God given talents, you will have lots of awards and rewards over a lifetime, the best ones will not be trophies, gold medals, and national recognitions.
This will sound dated, but at my wedding, I danced with my Dad to Bette Midler’s Wind Beneath My Wings. My parents had sacrificed so much for me to get into and thru med school. The night before my wedding, I gave them each a tape of the song. And thanked them both for being the wind beneath my wings. “So high, I almost touched the sky, thank you, thank you, thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.”
Pick your own contemporary song and words. They are both gone now, but they knew and still know that I stand on their shoulders, and what a lucky person I am to have had such wonderful parents, my rock, my cheerleaders!
Realize that it’s completely and totally irrelevant to your life. No employer is ever going to care that you weren’t #1 in your HS class. No university is ever going to care. No other student is going to care. The kid who’s #1 will get his/her named called during baccalaureate and spend about 3 seconds on stage with a crowd of people staring at him/her assuming he/she’s spent four years grubbing and wheedling for every last percent, and then sit back down. People aren’t going to suddenly respect you less for being #3 (and they wouldn’t suddenly respect you more if you were #1).
I know this comment sounds harsh, and I’m sorry for that, but if you seriously care about the difference between #1 v. #3 in your high school class, you need to sort our your priorities.
@LindsayHarvard:
Allow yourself a very brief pitty party, like going into your room for a day and sulking about it.
Then lift your head up, smile, and move on.
This issue is out of your control. If you hang onto it, it will make you miserable, and will affect many other things you do in life. It’s a very small concern compared to the ones you’ll be dealing with going forward.
It’s not the disappointments, but how we pick up the pieces and get started again. Perspective and resilience, life lessons.
Yes, possible the parents formed this particular drive. And leave little breathing space. If so, a hug and your thanks may not do it. But OP can learn to hold her head high, believe in herself and her potential.
And still go on to do great things…and be a caring daughter.
I’m lowkey late to this but yes I agree with others on this thread about the fact that you are still hardworking/deserving of going to a great school w/o this title of “valedictorian.” The title is pretty irrelevant especially w/ admissions because “valedictorian” changes between schools. At my public HS, basically anyone who gets straight A’s is named valedictorian. Meaning that it’s a sizable group of people (compared to 2-3) with less honor to it (you can be a valedictorian at my school with all A’s without a single AP/honors/difficult class basically). So in the grand scheme of things, especially with college admissions, it’s nothing; colleges probably can’t really differentiate between your school’s definition of valedictorian and the definition at schools like mine