I am currently attending a college and my roommate is really mean to me. Before I went to college and when I found out who my roommate was, we texted. She seemed really nice and it seemed like we would be friends. She said we would study together and help each other in college. The day of move-in day, she introduced herself to me and my mom very quickly and she left the room; she didn’t even bother to get to know who I am. I wanted to be friends and get to know my roommate, but she completely seemed disinterested. I really tried to be nice. My mother even remarked about how rude she was to just leave the dorm room and not to get to know me as her roommate. We would not even talk to each other; whenever she enters the dorm room she will not talk to me and I will not talk to her. I remember her talking one time on the phone to her friend how she is friends with a lot of people of her ethnicity and how she does not have a lot of friends with white people unlike in her high school (I am not white nor her ethnicity). I remember feeling hurt by what she said, like she almost did want to be my friend because of my race/ethnicity. The only time in which we talk to each other is about petty things-about things that might disturb one another. When she is outside the dorm room and when she goes to the common lounge, she talks really loudly and she seems to not have trouble talking with other people. I remember her talking to her other friend how she was so happy (she was practically bragging) about living by herself next year. I know this is the last semester that I am going to be with her, but I already wish that I could have changed my roommate/room. I was really hoping for the best, but it seems like things turned into a disaster. Some days I feel so upset about how my roommate is so rude to me that I think about sleeping someone other than my dorm.
Is your semester not almost over? It seems like something you just need to stick out.
As for your roommate, it honestly sounds like you’re not really trying. Being “nice” might not communicate that you want to be friends, she may have thought that you were just being a courteous roommate. As for her leaving immediately on move-in day, I think you and your mom jumped to conclusions. Maybe she had stuff to do, maybe she had items to purchase, you really don’t know. Did you ever invite her to go do stuff? TELL her any of the things you’ve posted here?
Roommates aren’t mind-readers.
You are a day late and a dollar short doing anything about it. But just realize that some roommates are friends and some just cohabitate and have separate ives. Now that you know what kind of person she is, don’t look to her for gratification. Focus on your own friends and acquaintances that you want to get closer to. Don’t go out of your way for her and don’t give up your room, unless you really can get another one. Try to act your nice self and carry on normal conversations or put your headphones on and ignore her. I think you need to grow a thick skin about it and not take it personally because she is a jerk.
I am about 5’ 6" tall. My freshman year I walked into my new dorm and there stood my new roommate. all 6’ 6" inches of him. He looked down at me and in the most exasperated voice said “Oh … God”. We never became friends but we learned to coexist. I came up with a pithy response later of course. I should have just said “No, but you’re on the right track”.
This is a roommate for 1-year of your life. They don’t have to be your best friend. As long as they are clean/orderly and a good roommate, it really doesn’t matter if they are your BFF.
@raisehavok: Just “shine her”; it’s a 'hood euphemism- ignore her a$$. Give the “nut” the benefit of the doubt and assume it is not racial, and go on about your business. I hope you’ve made other friends by now?
Believe me, the second year is better; you will join clubs and do fun things. For now, “shine her on”. Headphones do wonders while you’re in the room. Also, go to the tutors when MS Thang needs to sit on her throne.
And, HONEY, develop a backbone. We’re here to support you so keep the comments coming.
You guys have no idea how much I appreciate your comments and advice. (especially aunt bea ). I guess I sort of had expectations that we would get along, especially from getting to know each other via text messages. During move in day, if she was busy, she could have told me that she has to get some supplies for the dorm or whatnot and I would have understood (she could have asked me to go with her). Instead, she clearly seemed like she did not want to get to really know me from when she saw me. Anyway, I am just going to move on. Since we are not really friends, I now understand that I have to focus on maintaining my current relationships with other people on campus.
My freshman roommate and I got along too well at the beginning. But by the start of the second semester, she had changed her intended major to mine and arranged a schedule that was very similar to mine so we could hang out more together. I realized then that I needed to start spending more time out of our shared room. I agree with Aunt Bea - just smile and wave when she comes in but then go on with your own business.
Glad to help. Let us know how you are doing.
You’ll be fine as long as you remember that you can’t please all of the people, all of the time. Worry about taking care of yourself. She’s not worth your valuable time; you’ve got better things to do.
“During move in day, if she was busy, she could have told me that she has to get some supplies for the dorm or whatnot and I would have understood (she could have asked me to go with her).”
I’m sorry, maybe this is a, I dunno, cultural thing? Maybe people do things differently where you’re from? I really don’t know, but seriously, WTF. She could’ve told you? She’s not obligated to let you know her every movement, friends or not. And she could’ve ASKED YOU TO TAG ALONG? Who does that? I get that you want to make friends, but this just sounds really clingy. Maybe she needed some things for her side of the room only, that only she would use. In which case, it’s really none of your business that she’s going to buy it, and she is in NO way obligated to invite you along.
I don’t mean for this to sound cruel, really, but as someone who is on the other side of this (For me, it’s a hallmate who is just trying to be friendly but comes off as super clingy), this isn’t how you make friends. This is how someone gets PO’d because they think you won’t leave them alone.
@SusieAnne, the OP stated that they had already been texting and the OP assumed they were on good terms. OP is wondering what went wrong and is second-guessing herself and doubting why there was a change in response (psych 101). Mom was concerned and noted that the approach was kind of rude. So if Mom picked up on that, then there was something there. @raisehavok needs to move on and do her own thing.
Just because you had issues with a clingy roommate does not mean that everyone is like that. Sometimes roommates have to watch out for each other for safety reasons especially when you are new to a campus and don’t know anyone yet; i.e.concerns about staying safe.
My dd’s 1st year roommates never sat in the same room for more than a minute; they all had nothing in common. They would, however, leave messages in their room to tell if they would be gone for an extended period of time, so that they wouldn’t worry. They don’t have to be BF’s to have a roommate be concerned. It’s not a “cultural” thang. Go have your “wheaties” and CTFD.
Wow @“aunt bea” incredibly rude and uncalled for IMO. Good terms =/= telling them everything you do and inviting them along. You can be perfectly friendly over text without wanting to be all buddy-buddy IRL. OP asked for opinions, I’m giving mine: OP is being super clingy (whether you mean to or not, I can’t say) and your roommate isn’t feeling it. Back off and deal with it for the rest of the semester, and try not to make the same mistake next year.
I don’t think it’s clingy to think someone’s been unfriendly if she walks out of the room as soon as she has met her new roommate and never wants to engage in conversation.
@susieanne I’m not a clingy person by any means. I never ask my roommate if she wants to hang out with me on campus. When I saw that she was rude to me, I left her alone. It’s not like I tried to be her friend after she was rude to me. I never talk to her on campus or text/call her. If I was clingy, I would probably annoy her by trying to be her friend, but I am not doing that. I understand that she doesn’t want to be my friend, so I have to move on. In my post, I may come across as clingy, but I swear that I am not. Like others are pointing out, I was just WONDERING why she was being rude.
OP, trust your gut but don’t let it bug you. School year is almost over. Get a new roommate or a single next year.
Some people just don’t click together.
@raisehavok, just do what the majority has suggested. Read ^^scholarme^^ and get through this next month. You will be fine.
I think the normal expecation of a roommate should be neutral…if they are not keeping you up or having people over all the time or eating your food, you are doing good. Having them be a friend is a bonus.
^cannot second bopper enough. Despite texting, it’s really not fair to go in with all these expectations of friendship. It’s not fair to you for you to get all excited for a friend, and it’s not fair to her for you to expect friendship, as you obviously did.
Maybe Susie Anne and your roommate should live together next year! Sounds like a perfect match! :))
@educateddarcy I’ve got a single next year, so I think I’ll pass :-q