How to deal with my psychotic roommate?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>At the beginning of the semester I was paired with a guy who smoked cigarettes and never washed his clothes. Every single time I walked into the room I'd literally gag from the smell. Thinking back, I should have just stayed with him. He was awesome besides that. </p>

<p>So, due to the horrible scent, I swapped rooms (in actuality, a random Chinese guy begged me to swap and I agreed too). Worst decision of my LIFE! I don't even know where to start. This guy is insane. He's in the room 24/7. The only time he leaves is when he speed walks to the cafeteria to eat lunch/dinner and then comes back. I rarely see him shower. Other than that he just studies. I'm a freshman, btw. He's a sophomore.</p>

<p>On a normal day I usually get in bed around 1:30-2:00AM. My first class isn't until 11. When I come in the room at 2AM he is usually studying and starts grunting and moaning when I ask him if I can cut off the large light to go to sleep (although I still leave the second light on, and he has his lamp. Plus if he really needs more light, there are a billion and one study areas. As a matter of fact, I never study in my room). What really aggravates me when I attempt to sleep is all the noise he makes. He's obnoxious and has no respect. I don't know what it is about the Chinese here, but they seem to not have manners or proper etiquette. He's from Beijing but apparently moved to America when he was young. Even so, he has terrible speaking skills. He is also socially awkward. He has zero friends. Seriously, zero. I've never even seen him interact with another human being. All he does is study and watch videos on his laptop. </p>

<p>He never sleeps. Ever. Most nights he stays up until 6-8AM (and of course he isn't respectful when he's up this late either). He smacks his food like a three year old child (which is a huge pet peeve of mine. It's the worst sound in the world). He paces around the room constantly, he blows his nose obnoxiously, his trash can is overfilled with nasty tissues that always seem to find their way on my side of the room, and he is very condescending (even though he's a sophomore with a sub-3.5 GPA). He cranks the thermostat up to 80° every night and when I attempted to turn it down to about 75° tonight, he woke me up (yes, woke me up) and demanded that I kept it at 80°. I kindly smiled and sent an email to my RA (in which I cc'ed him). He complains about everything. Yesterday he tried to insinuate that I didn't always lock the door because his book was missing and he believed it was stolen (and yet my flat screen tv and the cash on my desk was just completely left untouched and a political science textbook was deemed more valuable to the thief). Anyways, I know I'm just ranting, but it's so annoying. I wish horse tranquilizer's were legal for human use.</p>

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<p>Wait wait wait wait…</p>

<p>…</p>

<p>Ur dorm room has a thermostat? Damn</p>

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<p>It is understandable to complain about annoying habits of your roommate, but how is it even any of your business what he chooses to do with his time or his social life? How does that affect you? </p>

<p>You sound like a whining child, IMO.</p>

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<p>

In Chinese culture it is considered rude not to make sounds when you are eating. He might not even be aware that it bugs you.</p>

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<p>Damn, that sounds like a hell of a lot to deal with. Honestly, you should just move out. If he had a few annoying habits here or there that didn’t affect you too severely, you would probably be best to just stick it out, but since he’s that obnoxious and rude (without even realizing it), it would be in your best interest to just move out. If it’s getting to the point where he’s waking you up to demand that the thermostat be kept at 80, then there’s a real problem. I imagine it would be hard to move out again, and it’s obviously easier said than done, but I honestly don’t think there’s any better solution if you know that he won’t amend his ways. You could potentially try having a long conversation with the RA about it, but it would probably be best to rid yourself of him while you can.</p>

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<p>shoulda stuck with the smoker eh?</p>

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<p>Move out if you find his habits not to your liking. On the other hand, some of the stuff he does doesn’t even affect you and is not pertinent to your argument (him being “antisocial”, minute stuff of the sorts), you’re bordering on being a total **** here (generalizing him to all Chinese, horse tranquilizer’s were legal for human use). Not only that, I don’t why you haven’t tried resolving these matters by talking with him instead of being a coward whimpering about it online. Gee, maybe you should find some friends to talk about this with in real life and get out of the room once in a while.</p>

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<p>Should have stayed with the smoker.</p>

<p>Lung cancer from second-hand smoke would have been more tolerable than this guy.</p>

<p><em>Winks</em></p>

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<p>Omg…</p>

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<p>Some of your complaints are just personality conflicts that you will have to learn to deal with. Some of them, though, you need to negotiate with your roommate, and you may need the RA’s help. You may have to draw up a contract. Things like temperature, noise, and lights-out times will have to be worked out.</p>

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<p>I have tried to talk to him about it. When I do, he just stares at me and acts confused. So I stopped trying. </p>

<p>Also, I’m only in the room when I decide to go to sleep. Which means I’m only in the room from about 1:30-10:30 AM every night. Do you honestly think I’d stay in the room with this on a normal basis? I thought it’d be implied by the behaviors of my roommate that I don’t stay here when I don’t need to be. </p>

<p>His lack of friends and a social life makes me upset because he is ALWAYS IN THE ROOM! If I wanted to have a friend over to watch tv or let’s say a sexual partner–it’d be impossible. I’ve attempted talking to him about this too. Whenever I ask him to study in a study room he flat out tells me no. He doesn’t quite understand why I want to have people in the room because he has no social life. There’s no rule against him staying in the room 24/7, so what else could I do?(Seriously dude? I can’t believe you asked why that would be a concern?) </p>

<p>In addition, there are a number of things he does that makes me upset. Would it really be worth it to try to talk it out with a guy who failed his TOEFL exam, or just wait it out for six more weeks when I can swap out with a friend.</p>

<p>Also, when I generalized it to all Chinese, I apologize–I was just angry. My floor is filled with chinese that are quite the opposite of my roommate. </p>

<p>Anyways, all my friends don’t like him either. I don’t complain to my friends because all it will lead to is a number of roommate jokes for the rest of my life. For instance, one time I woke up to the site of my roommate masturbating. Now my friends consistently make jokes about how my roommate has homosexual desires for me. In reality the jokes are usually funny and make me feel better, but I don’t want to be reminded everyday of the pain in the __
I have to be with everyday. </p>

<p>Finally, I’m not here for advice, I’m completely aware of the steps I need to take to resolve this issue. I was just curious about what opinions you might have and if anyone was in a similar situation.</p>

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<p>Also he never smoked in the room. He smoked outside, but the odor from the cigarettes stayed on his clothes. When all of his clothes began piling up (and he consistency re-wore them instead of washing), it became unbearable.</p>

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<p>Parent chiming in here.</p>

<p>Maybe you could send your roomie an email setting out your positions (politely but nonemotionally) since it’s obvious that talking isn’t getting you anywhere with him.</p>

<p>Think things through carefully about what things really matter to you, and which are annoying but petty.</p>

<p>Spell out the changes/ compromises you are seeking respectfully and explain them to him (e.g., I am really uncomfortable and cannot sleep with the thermostat set to 80. I would like us to set it at 70–if you are cold you can wear a sweatshirt or use an extra blanket, but there is no way for me to cool off).</p>

<p>Include a deadline by when you would like him to respond to you.</p>

<p>See what progress you can make that way. If no progress, send him another email.</p>

<p>Explain to him that you use other places to study, and that he could do so as well, so that you could also use the room. Tell him you will be bringing friends into the room two or three evenings a week (study group, movie group, whatever), and then do so. Make sure your friends are aware of the situation…not in a mean way, just so they know what’s going on. Ensure they are friendly to your roomie (saying hello, ask if he wants to order pizza with the group, etc) and then make yourselves at home in your home.</p>

<p>He may or may not understand cultural differences. Those aren’t worth complaining about.</p>

<p>He does know, however, that the use of the room is going all his way, and he has seen no reason to accommodate you. Passive-aggressive is working just fine for him.</p>

<p>Long ago I had a roomie who sexiled me on a regular basis. Like all the time after classes and every night. Her Boyfriend was in our room all the time. She told me she didn’t feel she was kicking me out…I was welcome to be in the room, and that what went on on her bed was her business not mine. And that she wasn’t stopping me from having friends in the room.</p>

<p>So I took her up on it. My friends and I picked up a pizza and came back to my room, casually put it on my chest, and proceeded to sit on the floor munching and talking…including evaluating their “performance”. Next day my friends again came by at dinner and we looked at all my clothes for a date with a new guy that coming weekend… Came back after dinner to study for a poli sci exam.</p>

<p>And look for a more compatible roommate for next semester!</p>

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<p>

Uh, my question is legitimate and your complaints are quite unreasonable. If he wants to study in the room, then that is his right and you have to respect that. Personally, I can’t study anywhere that is outside of my room, and he is probably like that as well. </p>

<p>The only legitimate complaint in your whiny rant is the thermostat disagreements, which is something you should resolve with him. As for everything else, grow up and learn to deal with it.</p>

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<p>^ ^ implying all Chinese act and think the same, just based on those 5. I believe the OP mentioned that the other Chinese on his floor don’t act like his roommate. </p>

<p>@ OP: I have to wonder what is so wrong with a roommate who chooses to study in their own room. I stay in my room a lot, too, and only go out when it’s time to go to class or when my roommate and suitemates invite me to go somewhere with them.</p>

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<p>well it seems there are a lot of misconceptions here about psychotic people,</p>

<p>as in this guy isn’t one,</p>

<p>unless there’s something you’re not telling us</p>