<p>I'm a junior in the college search process, and I'm pretty sure I want to go to college in a warm place. We plan on looking at CA colleges over the summer, and colleges in the south over spring break. My problem is I know the schools that I want to look at (Rice, Emory, and Vanderbilt) but for some reason my dad can't understand that, and is insisting on going to colleges that I have no interest in, such as UVA, William and Mary, Davidson, ect. and I really don't know what to do. This is most likely my only chance before applying next year, and at the moment I am thinking I want to apply ED to Rice, but I don't think I should do that without visiting. What can I do so that my dad understands which colleges I want to look at.</p>
<p>One cardinal rules of thumb in parent mgt. is never to fight about something that doesn’t have to be fought over. Look at the schools your dad likes (and try to strike a deal that he’ll look at some of those you want to visit). Apply to the schools he cares about, as long as you can apply to the ones you care about.</p>
<p>A lot of the argument will evaporate based on where you get admitted with what kind of financial support. That’s the time to sit down and have a serious conversation about your options. This rules out early decision - but that’s a relatively small price to pay for being respectful and getting some respect in return. </p>
<p>The only caveat would be that if his list reflects financial constraints (in-state tuition for example), discuss that ahead of time and don’t be disappointed if you can’t attend one of your choices because you didn’t get the financial aid you needed.</p>
<p>Do you know the reason he wants you to apply to specific schools? If it is cost or financial aid, check the “net price calculators” at all of the schools to get an idea of what the net cost after financial aid difference is.</p>
<p>My kid had 5 or 6 schools on her visit list. I said cool, but how about humoring me and seeing some other schools as well.
We had some fun road trips, saw some good schools and shared our views regarding the selection. You might not want to hear this, but it is just possible that your old man has some decent reasons for his suggestions. By the same token, you probably didn’t just pull school names out of a hat either.
In any event, if you both keep open minds you will likely find yourselves agreeing more often than not as you compare your observations.</p>
<p>You might feel like your dad is trying to force you in to something, and that very well may be true. What it comes down to is $$$. Who is paying for you to go to school? who is paying for you to come visit on the holidays? If you are taking out loans and plan on working while studying then kindly inform your dad that it is ultimately you who has to account for the choices you made, so it should be you who researches the best ones and makes the decision.</p>
<p>If your dad is paying for your college then there is a good probability that he has done his research and the choices he has arrived at were with your best interest and his best interest in mind, since it seems that he is willing to enable this choice by paying for it with his money, making him accountable for an unfavorable outcome. When I say accountable, what I literally mean is that he will have lost money, which is very different from you owing student loan debt.</p>
<p>Just think about it kid, if this was your money you were spending, would you let someone half your age make the choice for you?</p>
<p>The thing is, it’s not about money, in fact, IMO the schools I like are better financially. We can afford for me to go to a private school, for for some reason, a lot of the schools he’s interested in are public schools, which we are OOS for so would pay full price. I don’t understand why I would want to go to a school where I would have to pay 3-4 times that of another student (IS vs OOS) for the same education. I think it makes more sense for me to go to a private school in this case.
Another part of it is that I’m gay, but my parents don’t know, thus I definitely don’t want to go to a more conservative religious school.</p>
<p>“Another part of it is that I’m gay, but my parents don’t know”</p>
<p>Every year here at CC there is at least one student whose parents cut them off financially because the parents are angry to learn that the student is gay. If you think that there is any remote chance that your parents could behave that way, you need to be absolutely certain to attend a college or university that you can afford on your own. This means either choosing an in-state public where you can study part-time while you are working to support yourself, or landing a really big merit-based scholarship that will cover everything that you can’t pay for with Stafford Loans and summer jobs.</p>
<p>I write this not to be negative, but rather to arm you with information that you may one day need. It is my most sincere hope that you never need to act on this information.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>
<p>University of Virginia supposedly does give decent financial aid to OOS students (rare among public universities).</p>
<p>If you don’t want to go to a conservative religious school, you can look at [CollegeGuide.org</a> - Home](<a href=“http://www.collegeguide.org%5DCollegeGuide.org”>http://www.collegeguide.org) . It is made for conservatives and religious Christians, but you can just invert the “traffic light” ratings it gives (i.e. you would probably prefer the red schools over the green schools) – you would probably prefer their [“train</a> wreck” schools](<a href=“http://www.collegeguide.org/itemdetail.aspx?item=486fb85a-5d15-4d1f-a8f5-5ce2804c3129&page=3]"train”>http://www.collegeguide.org/itemdetail.aspx?item=486fb85a-5d15-4d1f-a8f5-5ce2804c3129&page=3) over their “exceptional” schools.</p>
<p>Your three preferred schools are all rated yellow by that site.</p>
<p>@Happymomof1- I’m 100% sure they would be accepting, I just haven’t told them, and don’t plan to for a little while. The thing is that it’s going to play a big part in my decision, but I can’t tell them about it, and explain that.</p>
<p>@ucbalumnus- thanks for the advice</p>
<p>That’s good to know!</p>
<p>Tell your dad that you like Rice more than any other school and want to apply there ED, tell him all the cool stuff you know about it, and just make sure he understands you really really want to go there, and not to Davidson. Like, really spell it out (don’t be confrontational, though–just be extra clear). Hopefully, that will convince him you need to visit Rice. If it doesn’t, propose that you go there to see if it really is a bad fit as he thinks. As in, phrase it as an opportunity for him to be proven right; that is usually irresistible to my dad, which is great for me if I know I’m right.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Why can’t you just say you don’t like the conservative atmosphere and explain why without reference to your sexuality?</p>
<p>If there’s any chance of visiting them all, I’d go for that option and discuss pros and cons of each.</p>
<p>When my kids were young we just naturally assumed they’d go to our Alma mater since we had such a great time and got a good education there. Oldest gently mentioned he wanted something different, and we combined trips to look at his colleges and ours. After the visit he was able to tell us (nicely) exactly what he liked about his and didn’t care for as much about ours. (He started by saying ours was nice - not that he hated it!) We ended up realizing it was his life even if his college wouldn’t be what we would have chosen for ourselves - pretty much total opposites. He’s very happily there now (his choice) as a sophomore and he’s getting a good education.</p>
<p>It can happen. It just took a little time for us to adjust our thoughts.</p>
<p>Middle and youngest sons are reaping the benefits. We’re now assuming none of our boys will follow in our footsteps, but they will all go to schools they like that fit them.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I would hope that I would have the wisdom to offer advice and counsel, but then to let the one person whose life will be directly affected by the decision make the final call.</p>
<p>
If the second point is true then the first is likely not. If you can afford a private college then you would likely be full pay anywhere. You need to ask your father how he picked the schools he did so you can possibly come up with some that are mutually agreeable.</p>
<p>His list is not bad at all and there is nothing there that shouts conservative or religious. Maybe you can get a couple added but no reason to just reject his out of hand. They are all fine schools although Davidson is a little small and more rural.</p>
<p>About visiting colleges…just do it! My D visited quite a few on her own and with her own money (this involved, buses, subways, trains, and sometimes Jet Blue). Many of the LACs let her stay in the dorms with a host student (or she stayed with friends she knew on campus). Other visits were day trips with friends. </p>
<p>We asked her to humor us with just one parental pick … as a compromise for butting out at application time.</p>