<p>BO5TON,
Why don't you transfer? It sounds like you just don't like your school. I hated my college, and would have transferred if I could do it over again. Don't stay miserable! There has to be a place out there for you!</p>
<p>Everyone else,
Thanks for the very smart advise. The irony here is that son wants to go to the more prestigious school, and I want him to go to the less prestigious, but also excellent school, because I think he will be happier. I really think he wants to prove he can get into the tougher school, and I think he will be working harder than he wants to work. He is a social kid, loves to do things, talk and socialize with others. </p>
<p>And, yes, we need fin aid, but both schools have said that if they don't meet our financial calculator amount, they will release him.</p>
<p>maren: If I could give you more advice (since you liked my other advice and I know this is a bit pushy, don't mean it to be) I would say to try not to second guess your son. This is the first major decision of his life he is making for himself. He may have an intuition that you don't have, such as that the school you prefer might be perfect now, but he might outgrow it. Or that the perfect teacher is waiting for him where he wants to go. We just can't account for all the factors; they're too numerous and some are too subtle and not everyone, especially boys, can verbalize their intuitions.</p>
<p>Neither of my children chose the school I would have chosen in their place.
Both have turned out to be excellent choices for them; they knew something I didn't.</p>
<p>I understand your point. My D's school has beastly hard academics. Her GPA is quite respectable but not what it would be at an easier school, which I think probably any other school on her list was. She wishes her GPA were higher for law school, but the school has given her benefits I would not have been able to predict. </p>
<p>My S chose one of the two most prestigious schools on his acceptance list; it is a teeny tiny bit more prestigious than D's school but the atmosphere is more social and the classes are a bit less demanding and the grading a bit easier. Because a school is more prestigious doesn't necessarily mean that the academics are harder. Sometimes the opposite is true. I think one of the hardest places to be is the pre-med track at the state u., and not even one of the ivy state u's.</p>
<p>I think as moms we generally have a pretty good sense of what will be best for our kids. So, this is tough. You really think the second school would be a better fit. </p>
<p>Okay - back to prestige. I am not into prestige. I am old enough and wise enough to know that the thrill is fleeting if it isn't a good match. If you were to meet me I wouldn't even have to tell you that - no designer clothes, new car, etc. What bothers me is that when a kid aspires to a prestigious school we are sometimes pretty critical - even though we wouldn't be if they were a basketball phenom hoping to get into Duke. </p>
<p>For some of our kids, being bright and academically capable is what they are all about. They may have been the kid who was on a team but never started, and loyally cheered on their teammates. But it has been my observation that when they say they want to go to a prestigious school and one of the reasons is because of its prestige, people are all over them. But for them, getting into one of the name schools is like being recruited by Duke for bball, or USC for football, or Georgia for swimming. </p>
<p>So...for those of you who object to the word prestige, I don't think they mean it to denigrate another school, it's just that for them certain schools validate who they are. </p>
<p>Anyway - to the original OP - hope your social son waits for RD, but he may be ready for a new focus.</p>
<p>Oh, and by the way. Meeting 100% of family need looks very different from school to school. The more selective the school, the more the need will met with gift aid, not loans and work study. PM me for clarification and figures.</p>
<p>Well, I may get flamed here but it sounds to me as if the big draw for the lower prestige school is the fact that he has a greater likelihood of playing sports. But you say your son is drawn to the more pretigious school. Are you really certain in your heart that you are ready to give up your son's sports career? It may be that he is ready at this time of his life to turn his attention to more hardcore academics. Is that such a bad thing?</p>
<p>Thanks, Mom. My son wants to go to med school, he thinks, but who knows what will happen in 4 years?? I do know that he loved his sport, and will miss it. But he reiterated his wish to go ED1 for his tough school, so I guess he is certain.</p>
<p>He very likely won't get in, so perhaps this will all be for naught.</p>
<p>Mammall
NNNOOOOOOOO! I love to watch him play sports!!! Yes, you are right, I would love to go watch him in college. My husband played a college sport, and his family loved to go watch him. My second son, one year younger, will hopefully go to a DII school on a sports scholarship, so I can always go and cheer for him. And he is nowhere near the student the first is!! But he wants sports!!</p>
<p>My fear for my first son is that he is so social, and has never really studied, just gotten by on his ability. If he has to work as hard as he may have to, I fear he will be miserable, or drop the ball and fail out.</p>
<p>I know what you mean - I am critical of the prestige label for another reason, too, though: it makes many kids want a school that may not be right for them. Also, kids may turn down a school that is perfect for them to go to the one with the better reputation.
My son has always downplayed his smarts, is a 3 sport varsity athlete, captain of two teams, and very, very social. He just is not that disciplined. I fear he will fail at one of those really tough schools. The school he is looking at is in the top 10 of the Princeton Review "Where kids always study," or whatever that says.
I do have to let him decide, though. I just pray he decides right, and I thank all of you for helping me resolve this in my own mind.</p>
<p>Maren, against all advice my son decided to apply to MIT EA. He was smart, lazy, very social, and had pretty much coasted for much of his academic career. We were convinced that if the admissions people were delusional enough to admit him, he'd flunk out by T-giving-- the kids we've known at MIT have been hard core techies (son is not) who loved to tinker with electronics and computers or build race cars which run on solar power (not our kid) plus being fanatically hard workers. We were mystified why the kid didn't fall in love with all the other places we visited which offered much less stress, lots of great opportunity but at a lower personal cost and a tremendously easier set of required courses (or none at all). Of course being lazy, he couldn't be bothered applying anywhere else after the EA admission (why waste $75 bucks?)</p>
<p>Fast forward... kid worked his tail off for four years, claims to have loved virtually every minute of it, and had a great group of friends of both the hard core "MIT type" plus a wide variety of everything else. They were all great in math-- that was the common factor, and they were all passionate about something-- another common factor-- and I guess when my son visited he felt like he'd "found his people" and decided that was worth the cost in terms of work load, stress, etc.</p>
<p>We just didn't see the fit they way he did, especially since the GC seemed convinced that he'd get into some good schools with a lifestyle closer to his temperament.... smart well-rounded kids, lots of social opportunities, etc.</p>
<p>Maybe your son is using "prestige" as a code word for, "this is the intensity I'm looking for". Nothing wrong with a capable kid stretching himself, especially if the drive is coming from within and not from you guys. I see my son as an almost adult now, and his work ethic, sense of responsibility, intensity and focus were all made at MIT-- he was a cheerful slacker when we dropped him off. Your mileage may vary... but thought my experience would give you perspective.</p>
<p>maren: I don't think the school will admit him if the adcom doesn't think he can do the work; there are so many people clamoring to get in to these schools. I understand that moms worry; I do. But wouldn't you like him to get beyond being social and coasting on innate ability? Learning to work hard is a good thing. And my S's school is very competitive to be admitted to and the kids are very social and really help each other.</p>
<p>I am not arguing for one school over another -- just arguing to trust your kid. Many don't recommend applying ED if you need any financial aid. However, my kids did, and it did work out.</p>
<p>My son picked one of the schools I loved, but not the one I thought he'd pick. He is VERY happy there. How could I second guess the fit he chose for himself?</p>
<p>This seems like a silly question- but are you sure the coach GOT your son's email? I have had the experience of having a prof's email end up in my spam mailbox (just caught that one -almost deleted the whole batch without checking). I also sent an email to a prof - she didn't realize it until I mentioned it in passing, because it went to HER bulk/spam mailbox.
I'd have son call, just to make sure there really is no interest from Ed school. (Which he probably should not appy ED to, unless he is 100% sure!)</p>
<p>Hi,
This is very insightful - maybe my lazy son, who actually used to bang his head against the wall in frustration from being so bored in school, is looking to stretch that brain of his. This did ring a bell for me. Thanks.</p>
<p>Very selective schools often see their kids through more than less. There is going to be triage or a bar set somewhere; for some schools admission into those schools is the bar.</p>
<p>At less selective or larger schools pre-med courses are sometimes themselves the triage.</p>
<p>I think it's more important to encourage people to be all they can by selecting the environment that most inspires them and then trust the outcome. There are so many avenues to med school including fifth year post bac degree and studying out of US. Look at med school GPA's. They're not as high as you might fear. </p>
<p>If your boy can get into this selective school there is no reason to think that he won't be able to get it together to get into med school.</p>
<p>I understood your concerns. My S is in exactly the same position, and he has ADD. He had many less selective to schools to choose from, but his final choices came down to UChicago, Brown and Williams. I told him to go for it, ADD and all.</p>
<p>You can PM if you think I can be of any help.</p>