Hello everyone,
I am not sure if this is a question, or if I need some advice, or maybe just some support from other boarding school parents. We live in a small Midwestern city where few people even know about boarding/prep schools or have a false idea about what they are (reform school, juvenile deliquency, etc.). Our son is a 9th grade student at a prep school in Connecticut, while my husband is from the east coast and attended a boarding school himself (as a day student), it was a decision 100% driven by my son and he is happy where he is at.
The problem is the community around me and the judginess I get when we tell people where he is going to school - I get everything from concerned looks to outright negative statements “I could NEVER let my baby go that far away at age 14!”. I am struggling with how to respond to these. Anyone else from the Midwest (or other area that sends a relatively low number of students to boarding school) have some good advice or how you have handled these situations? Maybe I just need to hear that it’s not just me that deals with this. 
Not just you. My spouse and I just say it is because our child wanted a bigger challenge and more independence, and that it’s great to have all his/her activities in one place. Then we say that with texting and especially Facetime, we interact more with our child now than we often did before, when he/she would often go to his room after school and close the door!
I like that- and it’s true for us as well! I have a high school senior attending school right here in our town and between his activities and hanging out with friends, driving, etc. we don’t end up having a ton of face-to-face time with him either! Glad to hear it’s not just me
There was a long thread on this a couple years ago. Some great responses…
I tell them that I miss my son very much but it isn’t about me - it is about what he wanted and the experience he was looking for in his high school - and I’m so happy he’s thriving.
4 years in, I have opted for a preemptive strike approach.
If I am in a conversation that goes toward “which local high school does kiddo go to”, I will say straight up:
He is at a boarding school he loves, and he is living his best life
Boy it was a hard thing to do, we miss him every day
The reason we did it was unique to our particular situation and family/student needs, and has nothing to do with the options locally.
I have found that people really don’t care as much about my family’s choices, if they don’t think it has any relevance or judgment about their choices. If you have a success story, people won’t challenge it. If you acknowledge it is hard, they won’t challenge your parenting. If you don’t come across as saying “what is good enough for your kid isn’t good enough for mine”, people end up being more curious than anything else.
I think it is easier now than pre-pandemic because people have been trying to find alternative schooling options, and understand that public schools may not meet the needs of a kid.
If the conversation gets really dicey - how could your kid be happy, etc (how rude is that to say!). I say something along the lines of “think back about when you were a teen - getting away from your parents and living with your best friends? That would be the dream!” Followed up by “And we chose carefully so we know he is getting the support and academics we want for him, and we feel like when we are with him or talk with him, we get great quality time.” And then the line “if you think about it, how much do parents actually spend with their teens everyday these days anyway?” also puts things into perspective. But the core of getting through the conversation is assuring the other parent that they are correct - you suffer for your child’s absence and acknowledge the sacrifice. But you have no regrets.
It’s hard when people have misconceptions about boarding school.
I’ve had good responses when I say: “Harry Potter went to boarding school!” Then people seem to relax and laugh. They imagine Harry, Ron, and Hermione up to no good and having fun.
This primes them for whatever I say next about a great learning community, strong academics, the opportunities not available at a day school, and how happy my kids are.
There have been many threads on this subject over the years. It never gets old. I will try to find more links when I get more time, but here’s one and another and yet another. In the meantime, perhaps others can add to the list.
Best response, though, is to smile and nod. You do not need to justify or explain your decision to anyone. To anyone who was sincerely curious, I simply explained that our son found what he was looking for in the school he chose and we allowed him to go. Though we missed a lot, he missed nothing. After all, it’s all about him and not about us. I never offered anything that could potentially make the local options seem inferior. Should a conversation appear to be going south, you can always excuse yourself to freshen your drink.
Our son’s choice of a service academy for college brought out waaaaaay more idiotic questions than BS ever did. I got quite good at saying, “I know! What the heck was he thinking? He’ll probably just get himself killed and then all that boarding school money will have gone to waste. Excuse me, I really must find another martini.”