How to find colleges without partying atmosphere and with predominantly serious students?

Parents Forum
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<p>That isn’t true as I attended a highly regarded LAC where there wasn’t really much of a partying atmosphere when I attended that you’d find at colleges which fit the stereotypical image of a party school. And there are many other colleges with a similar campus culture…such as the ones I listed in my first post on this thread. </p>

<p>The closest things which resembled it during my undergrad years were the campuswide protests by campus activists, my dorm’s throwing '80s music themed dance parties, and the annual drag ball which was fun even if one declined to cross-dress. </p>

<p>There wasn’t much, if any drinking when I was there as alcohol was considered “too bourgeois/establishment”. Weed and psychedelics were the main drugs of choice and there was no pressure to take them and those who did partake tended to be considerate enough to not make too much noise, vandalize property, or start fights. </p>

<p>There’s a gulf of difference between the parties held at my college when I attended and those held at colleges which did merit the label of party school. </p>

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<p>Thanks for the comments, dustypig. It sounds like your daughter and my son would get along! The situation you describe, groups of students sitting around discussing various topics, would be perfect for him. I don’t want to give the impression that he’s a humorless kid who isn’t interested in anything but serious topics. He actually has an appealing personality and he is easy-going (but with a lot going on underneath). I’ve been thinking of how he could pursue his intense interest in animal rights and poverty, and I actually thought of a blog earlier today! It would be great to have something to document what he’s doing in this area. He’s learned an awful lot about philosophy and ethical systems - and I’ve learned a lot through him. I was astounded at what I’ve learned about the intellectual capabilities of various animals. And I was shocked to learn that there are people (serious, thoughtful, highly moral people) who believe that wildlife should be eliminated (in benign ways like feeding them birth-control drugs) because most wild animals live short, terrible lives full of suffering. </p>

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<p>More later as I go through all the suggestions. I have a long list of schools to look at - some of them I haven’t even heard of!</p>

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<p>NYMomof2,
Don’t rule out all the reaches. My S had much better results than I expected he would based on what I had read on CC. If yours can find a way to let his interests and personality shine through in his application, he will probably do very well. </p>

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<p>Others have mentioned looking at large schools and I agree. I just looked at my state’s flagship, which I’m not recommending, but rather using as an example. It is known as a party school, but they bring in around 5500 freshman students each year and most of them are serious students and many students prefer not to party. They find each other. The advantage of such a large school is the ability to find like minded people. I searched their Student Group Directory - using the keyword, “poverty” resulted in 5 clubs/organizations with that focus, “animal welfare” resulted in 4, “social justice” had 6, “vegan” had 1, “music” had 28 including one club specifically for trumpets. The university has a Philosophy department with 24 faculty members and they offered 40 classes during 2013-14. They have several ethics classes. Even if your son majors in science, he will have lots of opportunity to expand his interest in philosophy and ethics. Your son sounds like someone who gets along with all kinds of people yet is strong enough to be his own person. That won’t change in college. He will find friends who would rather talk than party even if he goes to a large “party” school. The advantage of a large student body is he will also find students who share his interests, no matter what they are.</p>

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<p>Seriously.</p>

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<p>Nobody is forced to party at any place. On the other hand limiting yourself to a very intense, study all the time crowd is not a good idea either. Got to find a blance in your life and be with people who behave reasonably in any environment.<br>
I am saying that because D. was specifically looking to widen her social horizon while in UG (pre-med). She did not want to be with only pre-meds in her Honors college, she wanted to be surrounded by variety of people. It is very importnat for a future to grow personally as well as meeting academic challenges. D. took care of her goal by having Music minor and being in sorority. It paid off in a big way at Med. School. She was told repepatedly by superiors and even patients that she stood out because of her great communication skills, being a good team member, great bed side manners. One got to learn to deal with different personalities. College is a good time to grow personally.<br>
Fro the references, D. graduated #1 from the tiny most regorous in our area private HS and as a top pre-med in her UG class (received award along as many other recognitions) and currently is a 4th year Med. Student.
I am not for crazy paties. However, there is a time to study and there are social events where you can meet people outside of your focused interests. You do not have to spend time with those who make you feel too uncomfortable. Stand your grounds, make sure to leave if things go the way you do not like. </p>

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<p>Consolation, Why haven’t I heard of College of the Atlantic before? I just looked them up - Bar Harbor, the place that I happen to think is the most beautiful in the world. This, from their website, sounds perfect for my son: </p>

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<p>You’re curious and self-directed.</p>

<p>You love to dig into complex questions.</p>

<p>You connect best with dynamic teachers who challenge you to think in new ways.</p>

<p>You’re looking for a school that’s also a community.</p>

<p>You care about what you learn, but also how you learn it.</p>

<p>You have multiple areas of interest and don’t want your college major to box you in.</p>

<p>You see things in the world you’d like to change, and you allow yourself to believe that all dreams are practical.</p>

<p>Does any of this sound familiar? If you like the idea of small, rigorous classes in a beautiful place, are looking for a tight-knit community that respects individualism, think far enough out of the box to want your studies to encompass several fields, and get excited about the notion of a hands-on, minds-on education, COA could be a great fit for you. </p>

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<p>He has ALWAYS been curious and self-directed. When he was a tiny child, he became intensely interested in geography. I remember him walking around, carrying his globe, which was almost as tall as he was. He used to sleep with his globe. By the time he was in 1st grade, he had a very detailed map of the entire world in his brain. I kept a map of the US he drew from memory that year. He not only knew where countries were, he knew about topography, climate, popuation, industries, languages spoken, etc. When he was a little older, he was drawing red/blue county maps of certain states after elections. My nephew was in charge of the international student’s “brother to brother” club in his college. When DS was about 10, he led a trip to NYC and came to our house with two vans full of about 20 international students from all over the world. They parked the vans at our house and took the train into the city. They had dinner with us the first night (I had to learn about Halal cooking) and breakfast their last day. Some of them were from countries that most people in the US had never heard of. My son was thrilled to have the chance to question people from different parts of the world, and they were astounded to meet this little kid who knew so much about their countries (and we didn’t know beforehand exactly which countries they were from).</p>

<p>A typical story: when DS was in 5th grade, he started taking French in school. The teacher, in the introductory lecture, threw out a number of how many people in the world spoke French. DS raised his hand and questioned the number, spouting statistics on how many people spoke French in various countries and saying that they added up to a different number. Not meaning to be fresh, just unable to let something go that didn’t make sense to him. And oblivious to the fact that the teacher had meant this to be a quick comment motivating the study of French, not the start of an extended discussion of all the places in the world where people spoke French. The teacher was not happy about this.</p>

<p>He’s had other intense interests over the years. He was very interested in armor, weapons, how metal was used to manufacture them. Many hours in the armor galleries at the Met. Meteorology. Politics. Etc., etc.</p>

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<p>Glad to hear Oberlin is on your list. It definitely satisfys both the vegan, science and music criteria. </p>

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<p>csfmap, thank you! It does sound like a large state school might be a good place for DS. Strange that I’m thinking both about small, experimental colleges and huge schools.</p>

<p>MiamiDAP, my son is not at all a “study-all-the-time” type. He is the most disciplined person I’ve ever met. He comes home from school and immediately starts on his homework, and you don’t hear a sound until he’s finished. He has long-term papers and projects done in plenty of time. But he also spends plenty of time with friends, and he loves to play golf (although he’s cut down on that this summer because he feels guilty playing an expensive sport when people are starving in Africa). He already has excellent “people” skills - “great communication skills, being a good team member” he already has and, if he were a doctor, he would have “great bed side manners”. It’s wonderful that your daughter is doing so well! She is going to make a wonderful doctor. </p>

<p>What I’m trying to avoid are campuses where the predominant social activity is partying - meaning gatherings where the focus is on drinking to oblivion or taking drugs, with all the ugliness that goes along with this kind of activity. My son needs and wants to socialize, just not in this way. (I don’t really consider “partying” socializing, anyway, because much of the time most of the kids are impaired.)</p>

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<p>If you are looking for a safety and merit money, check out Clark U in Mass. It is definitely a place for kids like your son that are socially aware. Kids much more likely to go to a performance than a sporting event. No Greek life, but I am sure there is partying there.</p>

<p>As others have said, however, your son should really pick the schools by major and musical offerings (and where he can get in). As a rising junior, he has time to improve his grades and become a possible candidate at competitive schools. As long as there are some active non-partying groups of interest, he will find his people wherever he goes. My oldest went to Rochester and really liked it but he was not a musician so I can’t really give you much guidance there. I would urge you to visit and possibly do an interview. Good luck! </p>

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<p>My son attends Grinnell College and it is a great fit for a deep thinker interested in social justice, who whether or not he / she wants to party will find plenty to do and plenty to discuss with peers in social situations.</p>

<p>This might be of interest:
<a href=“Making Music | Grinnell College”>http://www.grinnell.edu/news/making-music&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>If you are considering Wesleyan University in Connecticut, you might want to take a look at this article (Wesleyan is mentioned about 2/3 of the way in):
<a href=“Why Don’t Colleges Get Rid of Their Bad Fraternities? - The Atlantic”>Why Don’t Colleges Get Rid of Their Bad Fraternities? - The Atlantic;

<p>(The article also has one of the better first lines that I’ve read in a long time.)</p>

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<p>@ greenwitch: “I can’t imagine much partying at Warren Wilson or Prescott or Suwanee for example.”</p>

<p>I can’t speak as to Warren Wilson or Prescott; however, a friend of mine once told me that he only knew two types of people who went to Sewanee – alcoholics, and recovering alcoholics. The University of the South is an excellent LAC, but it is a fairly remote location; so I would not be surprised that there is a lot of drinking that happens there. A smart kid with willpower can do very well there, though.</p>

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<p>College of the Atlantic is very small, very unusual, and reportedly very good at what it does. I really think that your S should visit it.</p>

<p>Mt.Desert is the type of area where people go to live the mindful artisan life. It is also a very sophisticated place in many ways, and of course extremely beautiful. The student I met years ago from CotA was a dedicated peace activist who associated with one of the Berrigans (can’t recall which one). I would be willing to bet that your S would be able to find local musicians who would be happy to play jazz with him. :slight_smile: It’s that kind of place.</p>

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<p>We are dealing with older adolescents/young adults in a culture that has a hypocritical attitude towards drinking – on the one hand, we are puritanical make the drinking age 21 but rarely if ever enforce this as most people think the drinking age could easily be younger and on the other hand, our media and college and high school cultures glorify drinking. </p>

<p>When I read your posts @NYMomof2, I would encourage you to think about the problem slightly differently.</p>

<p>Most schools will be party-friendly. That does not mean that your son needs to partake in the party scene or can’t manage how he partakes. However, schools where the social life is largely run through fraternities and sororities are places to avoid. Yes I know that there are serious people in fraternities and they do wonderful things and lifelong friendships are created …, but overall, the fraternity scene tends to have a heavy reliance on alcohol-fueled parties. [There is the other issue about whether/how fraternities are rape-enabling environments (see <a href=“College Bro Sends Insane 'Luring Your Rapebait' Guide to Entire Frat”>http://jezebel.com/bro-sends-awful-luring-your-rapebait-guide-to-entire-1442094485/all&lt;/a&gt;) but we don’t need to debate that to advise @NYMomof2 to avoid schools where the fraternities dominate social life.] Similarly schools where house parties are the big thing may also be similarly problematic. </p>

<p>I suspect that there are many schools that would work. I would have put Rochester on my list (though I’m pretty sure it has fraternities). Hampshire is probably also good from the social/vegan end of the spectrum but probably weak on science, and a little unstructured for many kids. Many of the schools at which he might flourish have parties (even lots of them). </p>

<p>But @NYMomof2, fear not. Your son sounds like someone who can make wise choices. My son is not a big partier. He attended a very good LAC where parties are a significant part of social life and where there have been reported rapes – no doubt alcohol-enabled. He had many friends in a substance-free dorm but didn’t live there. A number of them drank but wanted to be able to put the lid on partying when they wanted to while others were sub-free. He loved intellectual discussions and was on the debate team and had a great time socially while steering away from lots of parties. He did incredibly well in school and has gotten into great graduate schools. He played intramural sports, had nice girlfriends, has loyal friends, worked as a research assistant. Back in the dark ages, I was similar. I went to a school back in which alcohol-laden parties were a meaningful part of the the social scene. I went when I wanted to and didn’t when I didn’t. I didn’t join organizations that would have pressured me to party when I didn’t want to. I had a wonderful time in college. I was a serious intellectual (my undergraduate thesis was published in the premiere journal in its fields and I was told it would have been the best PhD thesis in the department where I got my Phd over the last 10 years); I learned a lot; I made great friends; I had really nice girlfriends; I had a job as a research assistant all the way through; I played on a minor varsity sport; I played intramural sports; I still am in touch with a number of my friends from college. </p>

<p>Your son can do the same. He can make intelligent choices. I think the trick for you is not to limit his choices artificially based upon reputations of schools so much as ensuring that the school includes a community of really intellectually-oriented kids as well as the partiers (and by the way, these groups are not necessarily mutually exclusive). Big state schools that are very frat- and party-heavy but have honors colleges might even work if the honors colleges have a seriously intellectual contingent (I don’t have any first-hand experiences). </p>

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<p>There is partying and drinking at every school, as others have said. I think the key is to find a school where the partying doesn’t take over and where there are other options.</p>

<p>So think twice about rural schools, with fraternities, where sports are a big deal. And I agree with others who think medium to large schools might be key. </p>

<p>An anecdote: a good friend has a son who sounds exactly like yours (he’s even vegan). When she started the college search process, she thought a small liberal arts college would be best for him. When he expressed interest in larger schools, she just couldn’t believe it. He wanted to apply ED to a large school and she dissuaded him from doing it, convinced that the partying and anonymity of a large school would be a bad choice. In his own, quiet, way, he persisted. He’s at a large school, and thriving — and she’s amazed at how wrong she was. Despite the partiers, he found his people there. </p>

<p>Sometimes we parents think we know the kid on the couch, but they can surprise us, and it’s best for them to follow their instincts for what they want. I think Shawbridge makes some good points.</p>

<p>Second observation: Many kids who don’t drink, party or do drugs in high school do all of that when they get to college. In high school, the sketchy kids party and the smart kids often don’t. But that changes in college — many of those smart kids who don’t party end up at selective schools and do a lot of partying. </p>

<p>(As for Warren Wilson: I know just one kid who went there. He got caught in buying alcohol for minors (his fellow classmates). So clearly, drinking going on there, too.)</p>

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<p>And again, this is something I strongly disagree with based on my own undergrad experiences and those of HS classmates and colleagues who attended colleges like the one I attended.</p>

<p>Especially the part about drinking as alcohol usage was looked down upon by most college classmates when I attended as the vice of choice for “bourgeois/establishment types”…a.k.a. For older or boring conventional people. </p>

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<p>Remind us again when you went to college, cobrat? I believe it was in the 90s – almost 20 years ago? </p>

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<p>Ditto U of Wisconsin-Madison. </p>

<p>Yes, it does make the party school lists but a large school can have plenty of partiers but still thousands of nonpartiers. You can easily find your niche without drinking. Also- it is said, “study hard, party hard”- you have to study first. At UW OOS students have always included a fair number of NYers. Very small percentage involved in Greek life, they only have an impact on themselves. Music- there is an orchestra for nonmusic majors and other opportunities. Chemistry dept is top 10. A lot of diversity in views among student types. Honors Program with Chemistry, Physics and Calculus sequences along with a lot of other courses. Easy to be in the Honors program for the courses you want (no special dorms either- Honors students are too diverse to want to live in the same situation).</p>

<p>Your son should consider schools for the academic fit and you should not worry that much about the school’s party reputation. Once your son has a dozen or more schools to consider he can then consider the social atmosphere. You mentioned a Chemistry SAT score- indicating he likely prefers sciences to liberal arts. A school with many good science choices and students in the STEM fields may be a better fit than a LAC. Many large flagships will have a solid core of students of HYP caliber populating their Honors courses and yet they will also serve the other top students in their state who are a step below that academically as well as many in the top quarter.</p>