<p>ucbalum, I believe that it is legal for parents to serve underage minors in their home. I know that some people do this, even for their kid’s friends (not legal). We usually have Thanksgiving with a family down the street. Last Thanksgiving, someone gave DS a glass of wine. He probably asked for it, he has too much interest in alcohol for my taste. I don’t know who it was, he wouldn’t tell me, but I was not happy about it. This family doesn’t have any substance abuse problems. My extended family of origin has a high incidence of alcoholism, probably at least 40%. So I don’t know if it would be better to allow him to drink in our house. I’m worried that this would sabotage the message I want him to get, that he should not drink until he’s 21. </p>
<p>We drink very minimally. Last weekend we were at a wedding, at a function hall, really over-the-top in terms of lavish menu and very open bar. To their credit, they did not offer DS any liquor (at cocktail hour waiters were circulating with trays of drinks; they offered me water or a couple of specialty drinks, they only offered DS water). But I was appalled at how they were pushing alcohol on the adult guests. We were seated at a table with two couples. There was a waitress working only at our table of 8, very attentive. At the beginning of dinner, she asked everyone what they would like from the bar. We all said nothing, then she asked DS if he wanted a Shirley Temple. He said yes. The other 4 people at the table all ordered beer or alcoholic drinks. I noticed that the waitress kept replacing the drinks as fast as they were drunk, faster, really. Sometimes the glasses weren’t empty before she brought a new one and took away the old one. Sometimes she replaced the drinks when the people weren’t even at the table. She never asked. I thought that maybe they’d told her to keep the drinks coming. But I realized that she did this with DS, too. He had 4 Shirley Temples before I told her to stop bringing them. I didn’t count, but the other adults had at least 8-10 drinks each. There were also 2 open bottles of wine on the table. They drank some wine, too.</p>
<p>I didn’t drink at all except a small amount of champagne during the toast. DS asked to taste my champagne, and I let him. although it was a gulp instead of a sip. The wedding was not very enjoyable for us, as there was a DJ and constant, loud music, with short lulls only for the cake cutting, toast, etc. It was impossible to talk even to the person next to you without speaking right into his ear, and impossible to talk to anyone across the table. The people there seemed very nice, from the limited conversation we were able to have. They were all completely drunk at the end of the evening. We had to drive 90 minutes to get home, they lived even farther away. DS mentioned that they were all drunk, I told him that they were very irresponsible and I was concerned that they would be on the roads. I told him that I drank only minimally if I was going to be driving, I think the function hall management must push drinks on people to increase the bill; if so, it’s criminal, both because they were sending drunk drivers out on the roads, and because the people having the wedding are not well off. The bride is our long-time housecleaner/babysitter. She makes a very good hourly rate, $25/hour, but her husband is a day labor, undocumented. She wanted to sign up for Obamacare but couldn’t afford it. Yet they spent thousands on this elaborate wedding.</p>
<p>It’s hard to know how to teach DS to navigate the complicated drug and alcohol landscape. Sorry for this tome.</p>