How to get kid to at least consider a school?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Ok, I know the selection process is ultimately up to the student BUT since financial aid is such a big factor for us I have been involved in making appropriate suggestions for S2. He has a number of matches and reaches on his list but when it comes to talking about various financial safeties he shuts me down. One in particular I read about recently sounded absolutely perfect for him. I started to tell him about it and when he heard it was a school he'd never heard of before he immediately declared it was a terrible idea. I did get him to read about it for about 30 seconds but he wants to hear nothing of it going forward.</p>

<p>It would be one thing if we had a ton of financial safeties or we didn't need financial aid at all. But neither of those is true and he knows it. If other aid packages don't come together he might need to end up attending one of these safeties. He's a junior now. How do I get him to come around to at least visit. I definitely don't want to drag him there; he'll hate it no matter what. </p>

<p>Suggestions?</p>

2

<p>I am having the same problem with my kid.</p>

<p>And there is a post I have seen on CC entitled something like “Stupid Reasons Why My Kid Refuses to Apply to a particular College”</p>

<p>Some of the reasons were like</p>

<p>1)I don’t like the school colors.</p>

<p>2) I don’t want to go to school in Boston because I hate the Red Sox.</p>

<p>Stuff like that.</p>

<p>Simply tell him that since you are paying the bills, that there are certain colleges that you want him to at least APPLY to. Tell him that this doesn’t mean that he will ultimately go to that school, but that he must at least apply, so he will have that option.</p>

<p>Many of the kids seem to take the attitude that their parents know nothing. I have a friend who makes $1,000,000 a year, and when he tried to give his son interviewing advice, and tried to do some mock interviews with his kid, his kid refused.</p>

3

<p>Now is a very good time to run some financial numbers for him. It is usually a reality check. It will give him a chance to understand not only what a school expects you to pay, but it gives you a chance to say what you WILL pay. Kids often think that parents will pay anything for them, and this is a way to set the realistic expectations. Offer to help him find schools that fit in that budget. I hate to see kids crying on CC in April because their mean old parents wont pay for their dream school. </p>

<p>Run you EFC, and set a firm budget. That way he will know that he needs to apply to schools that he can afford. That doesn’t mean he can’t apply to several schools, just that no decision will be made until all financial packages are in.</p>

4

<p>He needs to understand that if he is accepted nowhere that you can afford to send him, that his choices in April 2013 will come down to a community college or no college at all. Once he understands that, I would leave it up to him whether he wants to roll the FA dice.</p>

5

<p>another thing to mention… if he has plans for grad school/med/law school etc… explain that funds would not be available to help if all monies are used for undergrad… but if he takes the one that gives the best financial aid, that perhaps you could help later as well. Perhaps he would be able to have his car at the financial safety but if he goes to one that has prohibitive costs, he may have to give up his car…as you wont be able to keep up those payments and insurance etc.<br>
My son really wanted a school that would have cost over 80K out of pocket… went for the full ride…vowing to hate it :)…Had a wonderful first year, then got to work this summer at his “dream school”…came back saying that he actually has better opportunites at his current school and that the 80K wouldnt have been worth it after all. will graduate with 2 degrees totally debt free in 4 years</p>

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<p>What type of discussion (as in depth) have you had with your son regarding financial aid?</p>

<p>Meaning have you gone over the specifics of financial aid process…filling out the FAFSA, the College Profile (which schools require), what your anticipated EFC will be and what will be his contribution? </p>

<p>Are you able as a family to accept a spot at school that gaps? How much of a gap could you handle and how much can he handle?</p>

<p>How much in loans will he be willing to accept each year? What will be the total amount he will be willing to accept?</p>

<p>How much of a parent loan will you be willing to accept? Will you be willing to cosign a loan for him?</p>

<p>How much work study will he be eligible for and how much will he be able to reasonably complete?</p>

<p>How much will he making each summer to go to his summer contribution requirement?</p>

<p>What will be the school’s estimate COA vs. what the realistic COA will be?</p>

<p>What are his chances for outside scholarships? How much time will he invest into applying for outside scholarships? What is each respective schools’ policy toward outside scholarships with regard to his financial aid package?</p>

<p>How much will you be able to reasonably put towards the EFC each and every school establishes for you?</p>

<p>All these questions/and subsequent answers will help your son truly understand how very important it is to have several financial safeties.</p>

<p>Having more options benefits him the most. It isn’t so much you sending your child to college but rather you helping him secure as many options for his future education.</p>

<p>As the other poster stated, now is the time to have a full and honest conversation about the numbers. All the numbers. He needs to know now what is affordable and what is not. He needs to know how much need he will qualify for vs. how much you can help.</p>

<p>I always stressed with my children I was helping them, not doing it for them. We began our lists of financial safeties with our local community college and worked our way up, financially from there. And that was with them working while attending the local CC in order to afford tuition if need be. </p>

<p>So how big a factor is financial aid?</p>

<p>Ours was big enough that it was the ultimate determining factor in all 5 of my kiddos decsions. Was so even this year with 1 son entering medical school. His debt aversion again became the determing factor for medical school, as he says “all about the benjamins.” Granted he was fortunate to have choices, but that was because he applied to many in order to have said options.</p>

<p>Your son needs to know now if he needs to set aside time senior year to apply for outside scholarships in addition to being aware of schools’ deadlines with regards to merit scholarships, early deadlines for College profile and EA schools’ financial deadlines.</p>

<p>Once he starts to process the info regarding FA he might be more appreciative of the financial safeties you would like him to take a look at.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

7

<p>Consider framing it explicitly in the right terms. It isn’t “hey look at this school compared to all the other schools you love and hope to get into” but instead in terms of this: “how about this school instead of not going to school next year”? </p>

<p>He’s comparing the safeties to all the great options he likes, as if he will get in AND get financial aid. What you are trying to do is give him a back up plan which is really about a school he CAN attend, instead of not going to college, in case he doesn’t get into his dreams with financial aid. </p>

<p>So he needs the right comparison to see what the point is.</p>

<p>As others have said, give him the hard data. What is best case and worse case scenario. Now with worse case scenario, what will he do, where will he go?</p>

8

<p>We had a “parent choice” with our kids. For the most part it was a financial safety school but for 2 it was not an in-state public, it was an out of state LAC, but “we” got to have alittle list and our kids agreed to pick one and apply after we applied appropriate pressure (LOL). You don’t have to drag him there and you’ll got time since he’s a junior so “college” is still kind of a dreamy thing, perhaps let it go and revist next fall when college is alittle more real.</p>

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<p>Good advice here. Use the hypothetical, “This is unlikely but WHAT IF you are not accepted to any of your reach or match schools?” He needs to look at it that way in order to select a safety. Hopefully he can find one he could see himself attending.</p>

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<p>With my D, the most financially feasible alternative 4-year school is the “directional” state U to which she could commute (40 minutes each way). It also has her one non-negotiable course offering. She flatly does not want to go there. So I asked her: If it came down to the only places we could afford to send you were to the state directional or the local community college, which would you prefer? She said the community college, so we dropped the directional from the list of possibles.</p>

<p>Fortunately, we’ve since found another financial safety that she likes a lot.</p>

11

<p>We had a very frank discussion with our son after sticker shock set in. We gave him concrete numbers, and let him know what his options were. I am lucky to have a kid that values graduation with little to no debt, so it was not a hard sell once I had the numbers on paper for him.</p>

12

<p>I think we do need to have a financial conversation. He knows he has to get a good package but maybe he thinks it will just magically appear. His brother got a NMS full tuition scholarship so he could just be assuming he will get one too. He has good grades but still won’t take the PSAT for a couple of weeks yet. I’ve read enough CC to know that we need to prepared with safeties. Maybe I’ll pencil out an estimate of the debt he could be looking at at his various choices. He’s pretty conservative with his spending and saving so hopefully this will open his eyes.</p>

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<p>I like the idea of showing them the numbers as Mizzbee said, then putting them in context. “Sending you to that LAC as a full pay will cost 3x our monthly mortgage each month. If we take all that out in loans the cost for your schooling will be more than the cost of the house and we’d have to pay it back in 10 years vs. 30.” As my daughter would add, o.O</p>

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<p>cbug- if he if “frugal” with his own money, like our son is, he will be alarmed at how much debt he will accumulate over 4 years if he takes the full amount of loans available. And if you tack on the interest he will accumulate during that time, and show him how long he will be paying the loans off…that will help him understand too.</p>

15

<p>As said above, many parents insist on a couple of Parent Picks.</p>

<p>In your case, the Parent Picks probably should be financial safeties since your son is mostly looking at matches and reaches which might not be affordable in the end.</p>

<p>Tell your son that HE must apply to at least one financial safety that he likes. I wouldn’t pay for another match/reach app until he’s applied to at least one financial safety that he LIKES and applies to. </p>

<p>When you pick your “parent picks” hopefully they will be a good fit for your son because if his safety and your “parent picks” are the only affordable choices, then those will be the schools that he’ll be choosing from.</p>

<p>Be very firm about how much you’ll spend each year, and that you won’t co-sign loans (if that’s your position).</p>

<p>Lastly…It would NOT be a good idea if all of his financial safeties are “parent picks”…then he won’t likely be cooperative if those end up being the only workable schools. He’ll feel railroaded into going to one of your choices and may insist that he hates them. For the sake of morale, at least one of his financial safeties has to be one of his picks.</p>

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<p>cbug: I also have a HS junior and my older D was also a NMF. D2 and I had a very frank conversation earlier this year when I explained that DH & I have a number that we are OK paying up to per year for college; anything over that number either needs to be covered by merit aid and/or student loans & we won’t co-sign loans if she has better FA packages sitting on the table. I knew she “got” it during a tour at Emory when she turned to me and said “is this one of those schools I couldn’t go to unless I got merit aid?” Yuppers.</p>

<p>She & I have a spreadsheet with the schools she’s interested in listed; one of the items I’ve filled in is tuition + room & board. We’re not telling her not to apply anywhere; we just want her to understand the financial reality. We’re not telling her she has to apply in state (actually, she’s not planning on applying anywhere in state) but there has to be at least 1 financial safety on there, and she has to be OK with going there. She has 4 schools on her list of 19 that qualify for a financial safety; I won’t “make” her apply to all, but one has to be on there this time next year. </p>

<p>At least you’re talking about this with him now and not this time next year!</p>

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<p>* His brother got a NMS full tuition scholarship so he could just be assuming he will get one too. He has good grades but still won’t take the PSAT for a couple of weeks yet. I’ve read enough CC to know that we need to prepared with safeties.*</p>

<p>Oh, he’s just a junior. :)</p>

<p>You have time to get him to consider some safety schools. You’ll know his PSAT by January, so that will give you an idea if NMF is likely or not.</p>

18

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<p>Or “This is unlikely but WHAT IF you are not accepted with sufficient financial aid to any of your reach or match schools?”</p>

<p>An acceptance with insufficient financial aid is effectively like a rejection. An admissions match or safety school that is a reach for cost is a reach. An admissions match or safety school that is out of reach for cost is not worth applying to.</p>

<p>In other words, all students need at least one school that is both an admissions safety and a cost safety (= overall safety) and which they would be happy attending. (Of course, if he is happy attending cheap open admission community college, that can be a safety.)</p>

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<p>To me it sounds like you just need to pick the school for your son and give him the option of going to it, or parking his car and getting his stuff out of your house, if he refuses call the police.</p>

<p>I bet he will go with the school you pick.</p>

20

<p>If he’s only a junior, don’t worry about it. It’s too early to talk about money. Just use the time to research on your own – then when he starts seriously looking at a list of colleges in the spring or summer, you can give him a list labeled “colleges we can afford.” Put only true financial safeties on the list – tell your son that these are a list of schools that you are sure you can afford and ask him to pick 2 to apply to, just in case. </p>

<p>Now if you want a really relaxing senior year (on your end), insist that he apply to those 2 as early as possible… and then don’t worry about the rest of the process. Tell him that everything else is up to him, you will help when asked but won’t nag or bug him. </p>

<p>Be clear on what your bottom line is on finances, so he knows that you won’t actually force him to attend Safety U and Budget College if he can get reasonable financial aid elsewhere.</p>