hi, I’m going to my safety and I hate it. not so much the school, but the fact that it is the only school I got into. it feels like all my hard work has gone completely to waste, while everyone around me is going to the school of their dreams.
I applied with one of the top gpas in an extremely competitive school, 5s on all my ap exams (chem, bio, lang, and calc bc because I finished calc in one year), president of 2 clubs and founder of one of those, 2 jobs, and pretty nice essays, interviews, and recs. my guidance counselor and college counselor both thought I was certainly ivy-bound, but of the 11 schools I applied to, I was only admitted to #11. despite being on 4 waitlists (I was waitlisted at every school I applied to except the ivies lol) my parents like the aid I get at #11 and, after looking more into it, want me to go regardless, but it still hurts.
I don’t want to spend 4 years hating where I am, but I can’t seem to get past my regrets: why did I let someone talk me out of applying early at the school I have dreamed about since I was little (and which has a great acceptance rate for my high school), and throw away my early app at the one ivy that hasn’t accepted anyone from my high school in 6 years? why didn’t I apply as a different major, or to more schools? as hard as I try to get over it, it’s quite hard when not only am I the highest ranking student from my school to attend #11 in 15 years, but the highest to even apply. my grades are such a huge contributor to my already low self esteem, so I am currently ashamed to even publicly talk or post about what school I am attending and I feel miserable whenever I think about it.
any advice on getting over myself and moving on, so that I’m not bitter and miserable for my entire college experience? (sorry if this turned into a rant, but I really am quite unhappy with my situation)
You will see several of these posts here in the coming days, so you are definitely not the only one attending a school that was lower on your list.
You also haven’t wasted anything; you’ll be going to college, getting the degree of your choice, and kicking butt academically because your hard work throughout high school has prepared you for this.
Maybe you could try finding things about the school to get excited about? Does it have an honors program? Research opportunities in your major? Clubs, societies, and activities you want to join? Where do its graduates get jobs?
Is a gap year something to consider and apply again the ways you mentioned above? Obviously a huge change in course, but something to consider?
Or start where you are going and if truly unhappy apply for a transfer? It’s not a prison sentence, you can choose a different path.
I’m sorry that you didn’t get the results that you were looking for. There are a lot of things about this process that just aren’t fair. Stats that would have gotten you into Northwestern not that long ago now get you rejected at Northeastern. You should keep in mind that college is the beginning, not the end. When it comes to how you end up in life, where you went to college is a lot less important than you might think. The most important thing is what YOU do at the college you are at and beyond. Looking at your accomplishments in high school, it’s clear that you have all the tools you need to be a success in college and in life. One last piece of advice. Take the time you need to get over your disappointment, but make sure that you head off to college next August with a positive attitude. Good luck.
The NACAC list will be released any time now. It will list all the colleges that still have spaces available and didn’t meet yield for a variety of reasons. There are often some really great colleges on the list. Google it.
A few questions… Is the main problem one of prestige and public perception or is the college really unsuitable for you in some way. Will you be part of an honors program so that you are surrounded by other high achieving kids like yourself? Is this the size and type of school that you would like if it had a different rank? Does it have the type of social life that you feel comfortable with? In other words, if you could imagine a world with no rankings at all, where no one judged anyone by the name of the school, how would you feel about this school? If the answer is, that you would really like it, if not for the prestige element, then I say try very hard to give it a fair chance. You are in the middle of college frenzy right now. All anyone is talking and thinking about are colleges. But that will die down soon. You will be off at college, and all that will matter is how you are doing there and if it can get you where you want to go.
On the other hand, if this college is really the wrong place for you; if it isn’t strong in what you want to study, if its a large Frat based party school and you really want a small, studious intellectual college etc… then you may want to consider the gap year or looking at the NACAC list.
I urge you to try not to let other people’s views color your choices. My D1 is currently at a school that people often look down at. This was her choice, so I realize thats a different situation. But she still had to get used to “that look” in people’s eyes when she told them where she is going. However, at this point, 2 years in, she gets to see how impressed people are when she tells them all she is getting to do there – all the cool internships, the job offers, the special relationships with professors etc…
I know this is hard. But it really really will get easier.
If you are a superstar, you will be a superstar at your safety.
If you are one of many very smart students, you will be surrounded by many smart students as well.
Bloom where you are planted.
Get involved with your school.
Get to know professors and do research with them.
Make the best of what you have.
Yes to everything in #6 and then if despite your best efforts, you hate it, you can always transfer.
you mentioned that you were waitlisted at some of the schools. It might be possible that you will be given a spot off those waitlists. Very much a longshot as well. But definately check out the NACAC list
I know words feel shallow when dealing with disappointment, but it is true that where you go is not who are you and that college is what you make of it.
Agree with others that unless there’s a significant reason the college is unsuitable, I think you should embrace your opportunity to be a really big fish in that pond.
Since it’s a cost saving to attend, can you talk to your parents about doing some really cool summer programs and/or study abroad opportunities? Some colleges even have exchange programs with other US schools. Or you can apply to do a semester in DC or NY as part of either your colleges or perhaps even another college’s program.
There are amazing opportunities in EVERY college and you are in a situation where you will be a top candidate for all of them, giving you the ability to graduate with an incredible set of experiences that will serve you really well!
[[While to do encourage you to fully assume you’re going to college #11, I also suggest you talk to your parents now about what would happen if you do happen to get off a WL so that if that were a possibility this month or this summer you’re not forced to make a quick decision w/o having a lot of time to talk through things.]]
Do you mind saying what state you’re from, and whether or not your safety is your top in-state school? That would give an idea of what your options are. (You mention you don’t wait to even talk about your school publicly, but people here don’t know who you are and are only trying to help.)
Taking a gap year and reapplying could be a good idea if your safety school is not a good fit (as mentioned) AND if you have possibilities you didn’t apply to that are clearly much better for you than your safety and have a good chance of being affordable. If your ten non-safeties included 6 Ivies and 4 other top 30 universities (let’s say), then it’s possible you could find some universities outside that range (and some liberal arts colleges outside the top ones) that could be part of a new application list. You really would have to look into affordability and discuss that with your parents, though. There would be no point into getting into a school you can’t afford.
You identified several what ifs that might have made a difference in admissions. There is no reason to believe that any one or the combination of several would have resulted in admission. So wondering what You could have done differently or better is not realistic now, and certainly did not guarantee admission in the past. When you start speculating, force yourself to stop and or divert your thinking to reading, mowing the lawn or what other thing takes your mind off admissions.
You applied to the safety school presumably because it had merit for you and your aspirations. Yes, you can be miserable at that school from matriculation to graduation. That is comparable to getting your tail caught in a crack. Mourn briefly and then get ready for school at the safety. You should not tell everyone the tale about your admissions disappointment. The elite schools send disappointing decisions to most applicants. Truly, few are interested and you are one of many very talented applicants who were denied admissions.
I’m sorry, @ugggghhhh. I think you’re grieving a loss and you’re going to have to wade through a lot of emotions. Go easy on yourself while you come to terms with this, which you are absolutely capable of doing. You’re clearly a highly intelligent, motivated, insightful person, and you will not have to spend your college years bitter and miserable.
Imagine how bright you can shine at this school that wants you. The time you’ve spent becoming an excellent student and building up your knowledge was not wasted. The study skills, self-discipline, time management, and understanding you gained are invaluable and yours forever.
Being a professor is very competitive–high supply, low demand. So there are excellent professors everywhere. At your school, if you carry on with your work ethic and love of learning, they are all going to notice you! This will open a lot of doors.
Get through the next few weeks. Ignore the opinions of others who don’t know how much the admissions landscape has changed. Be kind to yourself and hang out with people who are focused on other things. Once you start to recover, you will be stronger. I’m sure you’ll find things about your school to get excited about. Once you actually go there, and you are actively involved, your regrets will pop up less and less often until they are essentially gone.
I’m sorry that you are suffering and I know it’s hard to imagine, but one day, you’ll tell this story and it’ll have a happy ending. My husband’s dream school was Princeton and he didn’t get in–he went to a state school. He absolutely loves to tell the story. If he had gone to Princeton, he wouldn’t have become an MD, and he wouldn’t have met me 
.
First, It’s not healthy to put your self worth on a group of schools with a 93% and above rejection rate. Second, who told you that you have to be miserable? That’s a choice. Chasing after prestige ls like chasing after a mirage in the desert when you have a canteen full of water in your hand. Drink it, relax, and be happy.
thank you to everyone for all the encouragement and advice! I think I’ve realized that I have no problems with the school I will be attending, and simply hurt from the rejection and feared what others may think of me. while I still am not completely “over it” now, I think by the time I actually start the fall semester I’ll be out of the environment that is causing my dissatisfaction and, hopefully, can actually enjoy my experience. again, thank you all so much!
Imagine how great it’s going to feel when you graduate Summa Cum Laude! Life is too short to worry about what other people think (unless, of course, they are potential clients) You’ll learn that as you get older. And the rejection - just don’t take it personally. It speaks absolutely nothing to who you are as a person or where you will be going in life. Really, it doesn’t mean a damn thing. Your life will be what you make it, no matter what school you go to. That’s how the real world works. Just go, enjoy, and have a great college career.
Remember, the opportunity to go to college at all, especially without debt if that is your situation, is a tremendous gift. There are many young people graduating from high school this year for whom being able to go to college is 100% out of reach. Rejection does sting, time heals, good for you for realizing that.
Kick butt at your school and pursue opportunities with diligence and you will do well. It’s not the place, it’s the person.
Honestly,
I go to a school right now where most people go just for their freshman year, get a perfect GPA and extra curricular and then transfer to the school they want to be at (literally know people going everywhere from Columbia, USC, BU, Northeastern and more really great schools). So if I have any advice at all, go to the safety, save money for a year, get amazing grades and get involved, and then write another amazing application to the school you actually want to be at.
Now it might not be Harvard (they take like 12 transfers a year lol) but apply to a school that you would actually be happy at and do not settle for anything less because it really really sucks to be at a school you feel like you have to settle for.
Thanks so much for coming back with this update, and I so happy you are feeling better. Yes, go be your awesome self and rock it!!!
Here’s the good news. You don’t need the approval of your classmates because you’re moving on with your adult life anyway. Once you get to UCI, you’re going to be surrounded by people just like you. They probably all wanted to get into UCLA and Berkeley, but didn’t, but are happy going there.