Were your parents angling to move in with you, and not just their belongings?
Are you amenable to the idea of becoming their 24/7/365 caregiver? Too many adult children don’t intend for this to happen, but it does (usually it’s a D).
I have quite a bit of that, and some are versatile pieces. Post-pandemic, perhaps I should investigate how to sell it around here. (My kids don’t care about it.) I also have some 14K jewelry pieces, several with diamonds. And I have an early 20th century piece that needs to get a modern appraisal (platinum engagement ring). I have sons, and they obviously don’t want any of the jewelry.
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They are at the stage where they know they need a bit more help, not necessarily with all of the day to day things. They seemed to like the idea, too. They live close by (3 miles or so) and I go over every few days to help with stuff and offer to do their shopping. DH was going over to do yard work and we needed to reorganize some things for better mobility. They hate asking for help but always graciously accept our offers. We were thinking it would be easier to help if we could see what they needed each day and maintain one household. I just can’t deal with being overrun with all of their stuff. We have a dining set that is smaller and less dated and I was ok with one set of their dishes but not all 3…
I have china up the wazoo. I’m seriously considering a ‘Polderabend’ for the next family member that gets married.
In that German tradition one takes old china over to brides house (usually the groom is there for the party) and basically smashes it to small pieces on the sidewalk. It’s supposed to bring luck.
It would certainly clean out some cabinets.
‘Guests essentially bring all kinds of old stuff they want to get rid of – from cups and plates to pottery, flower pots or ceramic tiles. And of course every family has their hoaxers who go all out and show up with sinks and even toilets. But keep in mind that not all kinds of shards will bring good luck. According to common superstition, broken glass and especially mirrors mean seven years of bad luck. And this is really not what you wish for the couple on this day. So we recommend you stick to your old dishes to be safe. Whether guests throw their porcelain directly upon arrival or wait for everybody to gather around and smash the china in unison, depends on the individual tradition of the family.’
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I often thought it would be fun to host an auction party. Hand out Monopoly money. Friends/Guests “bid” (silent or actual) on items. Basically you are giving it all away, but having a fun time in the process. Of course it may all sit there unclaimed and you’re back to square one.
I took photos of my mom’s apartment, and sent them to family, and then friends asking who wanted what. Luckily family members nearly all asked for different items. Friends requested most of the useful items for their children who happened to be either in early dorm, or early apartment phase. There may have been overlapping requests, but I tried to divide items equally. It was such a delight to visit their homes, even years later, and occasionally see some of the items being used or displayed.
Anything left over was donated.
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Great idea!
If you make it an online party, I’m in!!
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How many people who wring their hands over an inherited fur wear leather? I agree with Bunsen, the animals gave their lives, why dump their pelts?
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Different people can have different points of view. Mine is that with leather the whole animal is used, the cow is not raised solely for its hide. And perhaps most importantly, I find fur to be so repugnant that I would not want to imply I think it’s ok by wearing even an old fur.
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My MIL took her old furs and had them made into teddy bears that she gifted all the granddaughters. Came with a lovely little explanation. Great way to re-use and also pass on to the next generation.
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I am struggling with what to do with all of my parents’ stuff now!
I just don’t think this next generation cares about grandma’s china. And honestly, we rarely used the stuff given to us from my parents, so they don’t have the emotional attachment that I did.
I’m also stuck with the photo albums, the christmas decorations, etc. Siblings suggested it would be nice to separate it out to each sibling and/or grandchild. But no one else is here to help, so my garage is presently filled with bins of ‘stuff’ I get the honor of sorting and mailing.
It is an overwhelming process.
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I can empathize. I’ve got all the photos and it is a bear of a process. I wish I had waited for my brother to come back to town so we could have done it together.
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My parents were very active in their community and had a lot of great friends and neighbors who were so good to them and to all of us during their retirement years and especially during and after their final illnesses. My parents died within about 3 months of each other and it was pretty devastating to their friends, too.
One thing we did before we put the house on the market was put home decor items and accessories, small appliances and framed art that my sister and I did not want or didn’t have room for on tables in the garage and we invited all their neighborhood and church friends over on a designated day to “shop” for a few things to remember them by. Their friends loved this! Most people took one or two small things that either reminded them of my parents in some way or that they had previously admired in mom’s house. Mom also had a lot of nice Christmas decorations so those were popular. We gave mom’s best friend first choice, and she chose several things that had been purchased during trips and outings that the two couples had taken together, so she actually had helped my mom select those pieces and they reminded her of wonderful trips spent together.
Everything that was left got donated. Most of the furniture and kitchen dishes, casual glassware and silverware went to a local charity that helps supply families transitioning out of homelessness by getting them set up with a starter set of functional furniture and kitchen items.
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My mother donated her fur coat to a local homeless shelter that accepted donations of goods to sell to fund their work.
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When our close, 85 yo neighbor recently moved, her kids asked if we would like something - we asked for 2 Christmas ornaments (one for each of my kids) so they could always remember her.
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I respect that people have different opinions and values. I don’t know what mink pelt harvestors did with the remaining animal, but think it’s possible they were sold for animal feed hence utilizing the entire animal. I don’t see the difference between wearing great grandma’s old fur versus cuddling with a teddy bear made out of great grandma’s old fur except with the former one is exposing themselves to criticism from others.
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I have done my best NOT to bring things into the house when I’ve had opportunities. I still have “too much” of stuff that was important to other people. Just before the COVID lockdown last year I had actually called a place that buys silver, but they closed before I got there, and I haven’t pursued it again. It was pretty sad when someone close to me died and I could have had much of the stuff that was in his house. I took some, his brother took some, we gave some to neighbors, and we had a big dumpster delivered. 6 of us dumped most of the rest of the stuff into the dumpster.
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I asked my MIL for two ornaments, one for each of our kids, when they downsized and moved. The answer was…NO. She hasn’t put up a Christmas tree in more than 10 years. They have ornaments from all the different countries in which they lived over the years. One ornament per kid? I didn’t think that was asking too much.
Yes! A lot of ornaments were selected by friends
If you don’t want to be the decision maker you can lay it all out and photograph it and send the photos to your sibs and do a round robin. When my parents died my sis and bro came and we did round robin most of the stuff each taking one item when it was our turn. I found another box in my basement I had been putting off dealing with and did the photo thing, shared them with my sibs, but we have not divvied it up yet. I sent them a few things that clearly belonged to them (old letters my mom had kept, etc), but there are still things that need to be dealt with. I’ll try to get them back on the train on that soon.
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We did a round Robin with my Mom’s jewelry box. She didn’t have anything fancy. But my sisters and I took things for us and their two daughters. We didn’t want my brother left out and my Mom had her grandfather’s pocket watch and he automatically got that. There was one signet ring from her father and we all made sure my uncle (her brother) got.
I got a lot of things that were sentimental, including a number of Christmas lapel pins. And my grandmother’s HS ring from 1930.
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