How to help my college kid to be more financially responsible

I am so upset with my son right now because he is using his debit card without checking his balance and incurring overdraft fees. It’s so irresponsible!!! When I transferred money to his account to cover his meal expenses, it just went to OD fees!!! I am so mad and at the same time worried. I want him to learn to be more responsible financially. He is a full time student. He gets extra money from doing work/projects online but usually these are time consuming video/graphic projects so he does it sparingly but pays about a couple of thousands once done. Now he is on a fence about me advising him to remove his account from whatever subscriptions he’s on. Well actually he has no choice because his account balance is negative and I have no plans of replenishing anything. Any advice?

i would hate to see his credit ruined already, as much as you want him to take responsibility. I would probably “loan” him the money to cover until he gets paid on one of these projects and then he has to pay you back. Also can he take a personal finance class?
on one hand he needs to learn that he cannot spend more than he has. His debit card will be declined while there is no money. BUT until he realizes how important this is, does his credit rating need to take a hit?
Hard choices.

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I know for Chase bank our college students chose the option for Chase to not allow overdrafts - so when they are out of money - they are out of money. They do have a credit card tied to our account for approved expenses, books, flights etc and could use for “emergencies”. Maybe his bank offers the option to have his card not allow overdrafts???

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If you refuse to give him more discretionary money, then wouldn’t the problem solve itself because he has no more money to spend?

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Before you bail him out, you need to sit down with him about the basics of budgeting and cut every subscription that is not necessary for school. This involves going through his fixed expenses and whatever your budget is in terms of expense contribution. The harder part will be for you to maintain the discipline of not bailing him out again except for true emergencies. Otherwise, he will always assume that he has a big cushy safety net.

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we do the exact same as @coffeeat3 with regard to turning off overdraft protection and having an emergency credit card of ours.

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That scenario is why we opted to file the FAFSA, so if they needed additional funds they could borrow from somebody else besides us.

I know that doesn’t work for everybody since many students need to borrow the federal loans to cover their costs. But if he is eligible for those and hasn’t taken them yet, you might consider asking him to do so in order to pay you back asap and pay off the bank balance.

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I just called our bank and had the OD fee removed once 0 balance. I know he is not happy right now but we told him to call us at the end of his classes which will be late around 830pm. My husband is mad as well. I am also trying to have my son give me access to his school account so I can at least replenish his meal dollars but he hasn’t responded yet. I know last week he was down to $75 on his dining dollars. He has limited options on campus right now and I’ve heard from him other students had food poisoning from eating from one of the dining places on campus. So we do understand why he wants to just buy and cook. But if replenishing his debit for this purpose just goes directly to OD and unnecessary expenses then that wouldn’t help.

We’ve talked to him and our other two kids about being responsible with actions and finances etc. It’s time to have a talk again even if via FaceTime. We will explore what other options we have in our bank for our son to have fund access in case of emergency.

It is hard to be a parent. Trying to balance the guilt and teachable moments like this for a long term better outcome for our kids. Thanks for all the input!

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So he can just choose a different dining place on campus, or choose only the well cooked items…

Seems like, instead of giving him more money and trying to figure out a way to micromanage his spending for food, letting him “feel poor” and handle the problem himself with no additional money will be more effective at teaching him the need to avoid overspending.

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You’re doing exactly what I would do - cut the possibility of OD, offer to keep feeding him through the dining dollars so the money can’t be used for other things, and go over budgeting and finance lessons again. I imagine this happens with a lot of kids even though their parents made a lot of effort to teach them before they headed off to school. I don’t have one in college just yet, but it will not surprise me if she screws up/makes some bad financial choices early on.

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Yes. I had it removed today. We plan to talk to our son then explore other options.

Yes. But also that means he has no money to buy food.

That’s what I told him earlier to give me access to his account so he can have meal money plus another option from school for an account for use on non-perishable expenses.

Many banks allow you to set up notications by email or text when the bank balance drops below a certain number that you specify. When my son first went to college I set it up so that we both got notications. Once your son actually has money in his account again that could be useful.

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Can you reload the dining dollars or whatever food-only account there may be at the school?

Or, if he wants to prepare his own food, can you have a grocery delivery service deliver food to him, so that you can be assured that he only gets food?

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My daughter went to SUNY Buffalo. She had a dining dollars account and we had a separate “parent” account.
We put dollars into the parent account such that if she went “low”, there was a warning given to both of us. She could then transfer a set amount of food dollars to her account, to cover the cafeterias, the fast food options (in the commuter lounge) and the local Wegman’s. We thought this was a great idea!
We did not get that at the UC’s (which were a pain to deal with for dining transfers).
I think your son needs a “sit-down talk”. He needs to realize that the local Bank of Mom and Dad cannot be used for overdraft issues. He’s a big boy now and he should bear some of that “big boy” responsibility.

He should get a set budget. Anything above that budget is on him. There are local food banks and some universities actually have food banks on campus. That’s where his next meals need to come from. When you “cover” for him, it condones his irresponsibility.

I really don’t know what he’s majoring in, but if it is in a tech field, some employers will run credit reports. If he is heavily in debt on his cards, he wont be hired. These companies do not want to hire anyone who is financially compromised because it is assumed that the employee can be coerced into selling company assets.

My daughter’s new employer ran a credit check. My husband’s company also runs credit checks. My son has been advised that he will be asked (internships) about credit information.

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OP- your post should be required reading for everyone who thinks that going off the meal plan and cooking for yourself is going to save “a ton of money”. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn’t.

I think establishing some sort of ground rules around debit card use will help your son. I will also go out on a limb and posit that perhaps his “dining” habits now include alcohol or other non-nutritious substances (a lot more expensive than Romaine lettuce and pasta). Kids may not realize how much money they are spending- technically out of their “food budget” on things that are not actually food.

Your son can brew a cup of gourmet coffee at home for 40 cents. Or he can buy it at a coffee shop for $4. He is likely underage for buying an inexpensive six pack of beer at Costco (which is pretty strict about ID’s in my area) but may be buying beers in a campus-adjacent bar which is lax about ID’s and charges $4.

So I think you need to address both the actual overdraft issue AND the composition of your son’s spending to get it back to a reasonable level.

Hugs. This is not easy.

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OP: I advise a cool off period before making any big decisions.

I will just add that as someone who was food insecure throughout college and as a young adult it is a terrible experience. My father weaponized money because he didn’t like my political beliefs. If you asked him at the time he would probably say I was irresponsible and deserved it. I know my situation is not the same as your son’s, but I would strongly urge you not to use food as a punishment. Sending him to the food bank is a horrible idea, in my opinion.

Yes, he needs to better manage his money but in my opinion this is not the way.

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My son did acknowledged the other day about his struggle to balance his finances. We really want to sit down with him to guide him through about this so he will learn how to budget.

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I expect my college kids to work summers, and eat in the dining halls. They get money for necessities but that’s it, no spending money from us. Sure, I’m sure the chicken sandwich at chick-fil-A tasted better than the one in the dining hall. My senior pays her rent and buys her groceries. She’s had a part time job at school for 2 years and works full time over summers. I have twins, 1 who has $13,000 in her account and is still virtually tutoring students back at home. Her brother has $0 even after working summers. We bailed him out twice due to bank insufficient funds, but he’s not getting anything else.

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