How to improve my sat essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I was wondering if you could tell me what i should do differently on the next SAT test essay to get at least a 10. Do i need to put more vocabulary words in paragraphs? Any books you recommend that Collegeboard likes? ect.</p>

<p>I have an SAT test next week, so i need some good tips. Correcting grammar won't change much, since I have test in few days, i just need help on what i should do next. Plus, the topics gonna be different anyway.</p>

<p>Topic: Should the government be responsible for making sure that people lead healthy lives?</p>

<pre><code> Government should be responsible for making sure that people lead healthy lives. Our world depends on the government. They are responsible for creating the school system and diabetes, causing millions of people to die each year.
To make sure that the government makes profit through taxation, they sold tons of unhealthy food in school. Because of the vicious government, my friend, Tommy, fainted once due to excessive coke and pizza given by the school. I felt sick and critical to the government, because they are the fundamental cause of ill children and even the people outside of school who are continuing the bad habit learned in school. The government controls the world and without a safe democracy for children and adult, the world could potentially turn to ashes.
In a novel, 1984, by George Orwell Winston lives in a communist society completely controlled by a dictator, Big Brother. Because the government does not give any food to the people except fundamental ones, like sugar and drink, people are filled with depression. Government is responsible for controlling people's emotion and what food people could and could not eat. In the novel, Winston's only happiness was living and meeting with a girl he loved, until O'Brien punished her and returned her emotion to the way she was supposed to be. The key point is that the government has the authority to control people's lives and therefore, they could decide how long people could live. If in 1984, the Big Brother gave healthy food to the people, everybody would have lived a healthy life, because their emotions would turn lively and they would be able to eat "real" food, unlike the "fake" and fundamental food that the government hands out to the people in 1984. Winston, after being punished by O'Brien, guy who was part of Big Brother, lost his emotion and looked sad and unhealthy. Government's health and government's emotion equals people's health and emotion because they have the authority to do what they want.
Government is the key to diabetes in public schools and all around the world and they are also the cause of dead emotions like in the novel 1984. The government is responsible and the core who decides rather people should live a health or unhealthy life.
</code></pre>

2

<p>sorry wrong one. i mean this one.</p>

<p>I was wondering if you could tell me what i should do differently on the next SAT test essay to get at least a 10. Do i need to put more vocabulary words in paragraphs? Any books you recommend that Collegeboard likes? ect.</p>

<p>I have an SAT test next week, so i need some good tips. Correcting grammar won’t change much, since I have test in few days, i just need help on what i should do next. Plus, the topics gonna be different anyway.</p>

<p>Topic: Should the government be responsible for making sure that people lead healthy lives?</p>

<p>Government should be responsible for making sure that people lead healthy lives. Our world depends on the government. They are responsible for creating the school system and diabetes, causing millions of people to die each year.</p>

<p>To make sure that the government makes profit through taxation, they sold tons of unhealthy food in school. Because of the vicious government, my friend, Tommy, fainted once due to excessive coke and pizza given by the school. I felt sick and critical to the government, because they are the fundamental cause of ill children and even the people outside of school who are continuing the bad habit learned in school. The government controls the world and without a safe democracy for children and adult, the world could potentially turn to ashes.</p>

<p>In a novel, 1984, by George Orwell Winston lives in a communist society completely controlled by a dictator, Big Brother. Because the government does not give any food to the people except fundamental ones, like sugar and drink, people are filled with depression. Government is responsible for controlling people’s emotion and what food people could and could not eat. In the novel, Winston’s only happiness was living and meeting with a girl he loved, until O’Brien punished her and returned her emotion to the way she was supposed to be. The key point is that the government has the authority to control people’s lives and therefore, they could decide how long people could live. If in 1984, the Big Brother gave healthy food to the people, everybody would have lived a healthy life, because their emotions would turn lively and they would be able to eat “real” food, unlike the “fake” and fundamental food that the government hands out to the people in 1984. Winston, after being punished by O’Brien, guy who was part of Big Brother, lost his emotion and looked sad and unhealthy. Government’s health and government’s emotion equals people’s health and emotion because they have the authority to do what they want.</p>

<p>Government is the key to diabetes in public schools and all around the world and they are also the cause of dead emotions like in the novel 1984. The government is responsible and the core who decides rather people should live a health or unhealthy life.</p>

3

<p>A lot of parts of this are excessively wordy, but the mean problem that I see is that your response was not extremely coherent and logical. For example, you said that government is responsible for health in the first paragraph, but in the second, you talked about how you are “sick and critical” of the government. To me, these statements are contradictory. Were you trying to say that the government should be doing a better job? Also, the whole taxation thing is not a logical argument, since tax dollars are actually spent on school lunches as subsidies at most, if not all, public schools.</p>

<p>In the 3rd paragraph you used 1984 as an example of how government regulation is bad, which is in contrast with your introductory paragraph/thesis, in a way. However, your introduction is a contradiction in itself.</p>

<p>I will not score this (because I know that my score would not be accurate), but there is no way that you would get a 10 or higher due to the contradictions that were made in this. Next Saturday, pick a side and stick to it, but pick the side that you can support the most with any argument. Do not stay in the fence with the issue, as the scorers are looking for how well you can put together an argument. While your grammar is not great, the obstacle that you are facing right now is picking a side and sticking with it.</p>