<p>My D, currently a high school sophomore, has her heart set on attending a highly selective private school. While it is a great school and highly regarded in her intended area of study, I doubt very much that she'll be able to get in. Even if she should get in, she'd need scholarships in order to attend. She's a good student (3.75 UW), on the IB track and has tons of ECs. Clearly there are many good schools that would be a match for her. Problem is I can't get her to think about anything but her dream school. She isn't interested in visiting other schools and can't seem to come up with any other schools that she is willing to consider. I have no problem with her applying to her dream school but I need to be able to get her to be somewhat realistic. Part of the problem is that her brother is attending a highly selective private school so she thinks she should too. Her stats are way below his but she doesn't seem to be able to see this. I don't want to crush her dream but need her to get her head out of the clouds. Thoughts?</p>
<p>Be persistent. She needs a strong list with plenty of matches and safeties. And if she needs merit money - well, that's a whole different ball game. Then she needs several schools in that category too.</p>
<p>sounds like me. it was penn penn penn oh did you hear about penn. Then i was deferred and rejected. Now it is may 19th and I have no idea where I am going to college. this is hell</p>
<p>You may not be able to. And your attempts to do so she may perceive as you not supporting her. I recommend that you just work to make sure she has a good list, built from the bottom up. Leave the dream school on it. Just make sure she looks for other schools she has a good shot at and would like. Tell her it's so competitive these days that even a great candidate like her needs to build a wise list.</p>
<p>Then what happens happens and you are not the bringer of cold news - if there is cold news the world brings it.</p>
<p>When they were little we called it natural consequences, remember?</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>I would make sure she see's the VERY LATEST stats on acceptances at the school. It might be possible to show her a trend over time and point out that next year is likely to be more selective than this year was. And get info from the college web site if possible. Our 2006 Fiske Guide lists Pitzer's acceptance rate at 47%. A friend just visited with her daughter and was told that this year they only accepted , I think, 22%. In the same guide Grinnell is listed as accepting 63% but this year accepted about 36%. Show her the stats of the class of 2011 on the college's website. In the end, you can't force her to apply or visit if she doesn't want to. She may listen better to her HS quidance counselor. And her friends might knock some sense into her over time.</p>
<p>Maybe you should talk to her GC, and ask him/her to talk to your D. Sometimes kids listen better to "strangers". GC also can provide her with some concrete examples of people with her credentials that were rejected from her dream school (or similar ones), and help her gain some perspective that way...</p>
<p>I second that suggestion of nngmm about having her get a reality check from the GC. Sometimes it helps to hear it from someone objective like that.</p>
<p>a) Have her read "The Gatekeepers"</p>
<p>b) Pin her down on what precisely it is that she likes about the dream school. Size. Urban/rural. Party school/not party. Sororities/no sororities. Then, start finding schools that share those attributes. If she says "no", then she hasn't been honest with you about the attributes and her priorities.</p>
<p>How to make D more realistic about college choices?</p>
<p>I want to make it clear I didn't write the OP ;)</p>
<p>Similar situation here
However- D is now a junior and much more realistic about what her next steps are.
I would back up a bit, because the focus on college may be taking her attention away from high school</p>
<p>What if you asked her GC, or do this yourself: have her list what qualities she "loveS" about her dream school. Then, you go and research a big list of other schools, organized around each characteristic. Give her the list of websites, but organized under each characteristic so she knows what she's looking for.
Or, offer to do this and funnel it through the GC to hand to her.
Have the GC tell her, clearly, that her way isn't the way it's "done"--it's great to dream of the school, and reassure her she WILL apply to it...but it's time to build up a list, and that's what "all" hopefuls do now.</p>
<p>She's only a sophomore. She's not ready to think realistically about college yet. Next year, when she starts meeting with guidance counselors, looking at stats and applications, and listens to her peers about what they're thinking, she may start thinking differently. At that point, she may be ready to hear about other schools. They change so much and so quickly at this age!</p>
<p>If you do the looking for her at this stage, you'll have all the information available when she is ready to hear you.</p>
<p>I agree with Chedva. All students go through a lot of changes when it comes to their college list, so don't panic just yet. Instead, encourage your daughter to talk about the specifics of the schools she's attracted to, and then do your homework now to start finding other, more reasonable options with the same qualities.</p>
<p>As a parent, you will also be driving the car (figuratively and literally) when it comes time to do college visits in junior year. Make sure that your visit list includes stops at colleges that are in the safe bet and match ranges, as well as those reachier schools. (It might actually be best to start with visits to the more reasonable options). She may be pleasantly surprised by how much she likes the schools that are well within range.</p>
<p>As Chedva said - she is only a sophmore. That is definitely in your favor as she will probably become more realistic during her Junior year. My daughter had all sorts of dream collges at the age your daughter is - though hers were all based on location rather than knowing anything about the schools - like the University of Hawaii for obvious reasons - otherwise a lot of University of as Far away from my parents as I can get were on the list. We told her that anything outside of the State U she would have to find a way to pay the difference. She is now 6 days from graduating HS and is happily looking forward to going to State U with some good merit money (and seems to actually be happy that it is not that far from Mom & Dad :)). But the previous advice about having her look at the most recent stats is very good.</p>
<p>My best friends D has unrealistic dreams also but is about to be a senior - plans on applying to only one school which she does not have the stats for. when Mom tries to steer her in the direction of more realistic choices she accuses her of thinking she is too stupid to get into a good school and that her Daddy says she can go anywhere she wants. Truly believes that cause her Dad has money she will be accepted anywhere she wants (we're not talking Hilton money here) - Mom is backing off and I suspect this time next year a few of those 'natural consequences' Alumother mentioned will be causing a few tears in that household.</p>
<p>Agree with posters above about college choices changing. Also, you will need to tell her what you can afford to pay and if she will be expected to contribute in either her own earnings or scholarships. A friend of mine gave her daughter a summer "job" before her senior year - to research and prepare applications for scholarships.</p>
<p>Have her read CC for a while, particularly the accepted/rejected threads from her dream school. That should give her a dose of reality. It sure gave me one back when I first logged on here. Prior to that I thought D was a shoo-in for anywhere.</p>
<p>She is only a sophomore, so you have time. She may get interested in more schools if her friends start talking about them. If she does not want to pick a list of schools, you should then develop a list, perhaps using Fiske's book, which you think would be appropriate for her ( after all you have known her for 16 years).Ask her to do you a favor by visiting these schools. Have her apply to the dream school ED. When she gets rejected from the dream school (ED), then you will have plenty of time to apply EDII or RD to the other schools on your list. Being rejected from the dream school should get her back to reality.</p>
<p>I would tell her that she has made a great arguement for school X and that maybe you also will apply. Throw in the fact that maybe you will be roomies with her ......she will start thinking of backups </p>
<p>keep it light</p>
<p>OLDPERSON, if mom can't really afford the dream school, applying ED is a bit risky. She just might get in. Maybe apply EA if that is an option.</p>
<p>Bottom line, somehow OP, you simply have to help D to understand the concept of a list, and of having reaches, matches, and safeties. And that no matter what, she has to have a few safeties in addition to her dream.</p>
<p>And you have to be OPEN AND HONEST about the financial aspect. SHE HAS TO KNOW NOW that you may not be able to afford it without help. And the best way for her to help is to get the best grades and scores for the best merit aid, if you will not be eligible for much FA. </p>
<p>I think it will be a bigger nightmare for her to get in and you not be able to afford it than for her not to get in at all.</p>
<p>Having a dream college as a sophomore is probably a good thing. It will inspire her to do her best. Eventually you will need her to be realistic, but I don't think you need to do it till spring of junior year. Then look at the rejected/accepted thread from her favorite college(s) and she'll have a much more realistic sense of what the odds are.</p>
<p>If your school uses Naviance, her GC can help her look at the scattergrams for the schools. These show students who did and didn't get accepted at specific schools from your child's school (and the GC actually has access to other high school scattergrams as well). The student can look at the SAT and GPA's of students and see how many were and were not accepted. This certainly isn't the gospel, but it might help a little. Also, I agree with other posters...it's not bad to have a dream school. But as others have also said, it is very helpful to identify the traits in that school and find others that are similar. It is very possible to develop a balanced list in that manner. in the meantime, I wouldn't encourage or discourage discussion about the dream school. But you also might want to do what we did...once our kids were finished with sophomore year, if we were driving on a vacation and there was a college gate, we drove right on that campus to take a peek. It at least gave them some ideas. AND we insisted that both kids apply to one rolling admissions school (which for both was a safety type school) thus giving them an early acceptance somewhere.</p>