<p>nauru</p>
<p>Your experience was unfortunate. Parents who are doing their homework know that the admissions climate right now for the mosty highly selective schools is more chancy than usual. Sounds like your Dad did underestimate you and maybe still does. What we're talking about is being realistic about finances and admissions chances. Hopefully thar reach school was not the only one you applied to (unless you applied Ed orEA). Congrats!</p>
<p>I agree with Curmudgeon and all other posters about having financial safeties. I also like Curmudgeon's idea of building from bottom up.</p>
<p>I had a different strategy with academic qualifications. I began to realistically assrss their chances for various schools as early as freshman year. When D got B+'s, not A's in math and rejected a tutor I told her what the consequences would be, her choice. It was clear to me they could go just about anywhere they wanted to go, it was a matter of how compulsive they wanted to be. For me, for myself, anything less than an A+ or A was almost an F. Kids did not feel this way, which was fine with me. D fell massively in love with Columbia when she was ten one day we were investigating the neighborhood for fun. Because it has become so selective, I was pretty sure she would not be admitted. I began advocating for Barnard when she was a freshman. She said it hurt her feelings a bit at first, but by the end of junior year she was very enthusiastic (to the point that she says as a feminist she prefers it to CC). She credits me with devising a strategy to help her attain her dream.</p>
<p>Followed a similar process with my son. He's a wee bit of a slacker, but I figured as a boy he'd have a good shot as Vassar (as a substitute for Brown). He fell in love with Vassar, ended up doing well enough for Brown, but years of alternative thinking made him choose a non-Ivy (not Vassar). Dream yes, but have workable strategies.</p>
<p>As another tip, I has S apply to EA school. When he was accepted (w/financial aid package) we save a lot of money by eliminating academic and financial safeties.</p>
<p>
[quote]
As another tip, I has S apply to EA school. When he was accepted (w/financial aid package) we save a lot of money by eliminating academic and financial safeties.
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</p>
<p>This works in some instances but not others. </p>
<p>There are situations where a student who has applied EA or ED really needs to apply to at least some of the other colleges on his list before receiving the EA/ED decision. For example, the state university in my state has a November 1 deadline for submitting applications (and fees) for those students who wish to be considered for merit scholarships, the honors program, and other such goodies. November 1 is before the EA/ED decisions come out.</p>
<p>Regarding Coureur's Post # 15 where he suggests that she spend some time on CC.........my advice is just the opposite!!!</p>
<p>If she's on CC, get her off of it ASAP. Have her avoid it like the plague!</p>
<p>Most CC'ers are OBSESSED with the elite schools, and don't pay attention to the other 95% of colleges out there. Most of the talk is about places like HYPSM, or schools of that type.</p>
<p>My advice: Have her look at some good, solid colleges that have an Honors Program. Have her communicate with the Honor Program director, and have that person share with your daughter some of the things Honors Program grads have gone on to do. It is very likely that she'll find that they are doing the same exact things as Ivy grads. </p>
<p>Also, a "standout" at a less prestigious school is likely to have a more impressive resume of accomplishments at the end of four years than "joe average" at an Ivy.</p>
<p>The quality of education at Ivy-type schools is greatly exaggerated, especially on CC.</p>
<p>The best thing you can do is keep her away from this site!</p>
<p>umm - I've gotta ask. What are you doing here?</p>
<p>Yes bethievt, I am glad to see you caught my point. I'm also glad you agree with me on the idea of being clear up front. I think too many parents might give a kid the go ahead to search, then after the kid finds some potential schools they jump in with limits. Too bad your friend confused her daughter, I'm glad we had everything out in one afternoon's discussion.
In my case, before I could even explain further the terms we were thinking, our S immediately jumped in with his dreams. Minutes later, after he rambled on, he got the remainder of the explanation. He not only then had a clear understanding up front, but he also learned a bit about getting all the info a person can before jumping into a major decision. He realized he had "jumped the gun" telling us his dream schools before we had finished our explanation of our gift.
I am pleased to say some months later, when he was narrowing down his wish list, he got real, thorough info, and made a very sound decision. He is attending his first choice, is doing very well, and is happy there.</p>
<p>oldbutwise-
I think you entirely missed coureurs point in post #15. What he is saying is that reading CC will help the OP's dau realize that getting into the top, challenging LACs is difficult, and that she should look at other, less demanding schols to balance things. Gee, this is a case where parents are advising to reduce the pressure on this child and have the child look at some more realistic schools. I would think you would be supportive of this approach. It seems to me that in your 30 yrs of college counseling you have had to deal with what you term "pushy parents" a lot. While I am sorry that has happened to you, I would hope that you don't feel the need to come to CC to spread the message that parents are too pushy and kids should strive for second tier schools and be happy (I am exaggerating on purpose). Yes, CC is a self-selected group. But lighten up on the folks here a bit, please.</p>
<p>oldbutwise</p>
<p>I'm guessing you are advising against the student sites? They can be really frantic, what-are-my-chances-at-Ivies places. The parents forum is more reasonable, but I wonder how much of a student's time it could absorb that might be better spent reading a good book or working on an essay. I told my son that I'd hang out on CC so he didn't have to.</p>
<p>I took the advice of many of the posters here and used the money angle. Once I showed DD that the cost of attending her dream school was $50,000+, that we wouldn't be able to get enough financial aid to make it work (and probably wouldn't get any) she seemed to understand.</p>