<p>Sorry if this is gonna sound whiny but this has just been bothering me for a while...</p>
<p>This summer I moved. I was starting freshman year so I didn't think it would be all that bad since everyone was gonna be new. I was also looking forward to a new start. I consider myself a very social person and it's pretty easy for me to make new friends. Not to brag, but I was pretty popular at my last school. When I started school a couple of weeks ago and it turns out that everyone went to the same middle school, meaning they pretty much had their established cliques already. I've tried being friendly and meeting new people, but I feel like I'm not really making any friends. No one talks to me unless I start talking to them. I always walk alone. I sit with random people everyday for lunch, and it's hard to join in conversations. I know it's just the beginning of the year, but it's bothering me. Last year I was new too but I pretty much had a group of friends by the end of the first week. Anyone have advice? Am I just being too worried?</p>
<p>You’ll make friends don’t worry! Maybe when you’re in class ask someone a question and then crack a joke- that can sometimes lead to friendship. </p>
<p>Do not listen to ‘grademyessay’, that tactic is a short route to depression. We are social beings, we need friends.</p>
<p>Maybe try to work your strengths, is it humour, wit, care, academic? Let it be known to people that you’re damn good at something by showing it, that will win you interest. It’s great to be an all round good person, but I can understand that in your situation it might be hard to win over people in that way because of existing friendship groups, so see if you can try show them something a little different.</p>
<p>I would suggest joining a club or sports team and/or participating in a school play. I have done all of those and made a ton of friends that way!</p>
<p>SholtoPinn - The only people who say friends don’t matter are those without many friends and living in denial. Friends do matter, they matter an incredible amount. If you don’t live for the relationships you have with others, what do you live for? It’s sad to hear people say they don’t matter.</p>
<p>I know some people are fine with being alone but I’m not really one of them. Thanks to everyone else for the advice. It’s just so frustrating cuz I used to be such a talkative person. Now I’m the awkward loner :(</p>
<p>Hahaha, friends … I really should try them out …</p>
<p>Just kidding! I can’t really empathize with you because the way you describe it, I’m one of those clique-ish people. But think about it this way: you’re in a whole different school, a whole different setting. You have nothing affecting everyone’s views of you.</p>
<p>Don’t be a wallflower. Talk. If you have a desk partner, talk. If they don’t talk to you, that’s THEIR loss. Crack a joke. Most importantly, smile! I cannot stress this enough. I was the grouchy awkward kid in sixth grade, and it took me a while to realize that no one wanted to be friends with the angry midget.</p>
<p>Try to be approachable, and the friends will come. You probably shouldn’t try to act “cool” by whipping out your phone and pretending to text someone … too many people do this. It doesn’t work. </p>
<p>I do act very nice and I make it a point to always look “approachable” like by smiling a lot. Problem is no matter how much I make an effort they just don’t seem to want to get to know me. Ugh. I guess I’ll wait a couple months before I give up and become a loner.</p>
<p>When I first got into high-school, I was very isolated and focused on academics. Generally, people treated me positively, but I was always nervous in speaking up and being friendly back to them. Obviously, I took my grades more seriously than whatever “relationships” these guys are trying to sell you, but I’ve come to realize that academic and social success are not mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>My school was a jock mentality—very gossipy and very cliquey. I hated that. In hopes that I could escape being chastised for hanging out with the uncool kids, I didn’t join many of the things I was interested in. I sat alone at lunch even when others offered me a seat because I was afraid that they were pitying me or being patronizing. What I never realized was that a lot of these kids were just like me, smart and thoughtful but shy. In my hurbris, I pushed them away. I thought my schoolmates were superficial, and some of them were, but not all of them, and not to the extent that I thought them to be. I was the superficial, angsty, b1tchy one–not them. </p>
<p>Now, in my senior year, I look back on my high-school career not with regret, but with a newfound understanding of how to be academically focused <em>and</em> social that I will apply in college.</p>
<p>Things aren’t that bad. I’m a state-qualified athlete in the running to be valedictorian, but if I could live freshman year through junior year all over again, I would join more clubs, go to more pasta parties and attend more dances and sporting events. Basically, I would be more involved with my peers and the school.</p>
<p>Maybe you just have to be more forward? I highly doubt you’ll be a loner. Remember, you’re only a freshman, and if you don’t move you’ll be with your class for four more years. You get four years to find friends. Don’t think it’s the end of the world. And in that time, you may change your friends even more. You don’t have to wait for someone to offer you a seat at the lunch table. Get a seat yourself.</p>
<p>SholtoPin - I won’t try to contest your view, but there’s nothing tangible that true friendship offers. If your friends only offer you what’s palpable, then walk away. If you don’t want any friends, so be it. That’s your choice. And you’re only a freshman, perhaps by the time you’re a senior you’ll want to interact. Perhaps, perhaps not.</p>
<p>^That is actually quite sad. I am genuinely really really sorry for you.
If you can’t comprehend things like true friendship and very raw emotions your life just can never be as fulfilling and good as someone who can. What you are describing is not friendship and most people aren’t like that. I hope some day you meet someone who you can enjoy being around.</p>
<p>The best way to make friends is to just involve yourself with people. Through those people you’ll meet other people and so on. Eventually you’ll probably meet someone like you (or that you enjoy being around).
Join activities you are interested in; chances are at least one other person in that activity is interested and you’ll have something to talk about.
Be yourself, and don’t be a jerk.</p>
<p>When people say they don’t want friends, it’s never because they think friends are useless. It’s because they haven’t met the right friend yet. If you can’t find a person you enjoy spending time with, then what good is making a friend? </p>
<p>I think the answer is pretty obvious that you need to have people around you. Whether it’s friends, family, whatever, you can’t be alone 24/7. </p>
<p>Also, you have to realize that your time is directly related to how important you think friends are. If you start working 75 hour weeks straight out of law school or med school, you won’t always be willing to make time for friends!</p>
<p>When people say they don’t want friends, they have usually suffered some trauama. Whether it be bullying or something else, their self-esteem and sociability has been shattered and they don’t have the confidence to pursue friendship. It’s about regaining confidence and convincing yourself that you do want friends, and that the denial is a defense mechanism.</p>