<p>So as I'm working on the writing pieces for my application, I'm examining each essay for pretentiousness or whining. So far it hasn't been difficult to change my tone, even if my original essay or piece of writing came off the wrong way. But now I'm writing the "essay" (paragraph really) for the did/will change secondary school sections. My local public high school stunk (the schedule was inflexible, the teachers and students were apathetic, and the AP course listing was mediocre at best), though I'm sure it was certainly better than some public high schools. As a result, I transfered into an online high school that I work extra hours to pay for by myself. I want to highlight that I changed schools to get a better education and that I took the responsibility to do so by paying for what was otherwise unaffordable by myself. Okay. So how do I explain the situation at my old school without sounding like I'm whining about the quality?</p>
<p>You don’t. As an example, most companies don’t hire employees who speak ill of their prior employers. It usually indicates a problem with the employee. Just say it as you’ve stated above - opportunity to get a more challenging education.</p>
<p>Erin’s Dad has it right – concentrate on what YOU did, not why you had to. For (a really, really bad) example:</p>
<p>“My high school sucked, so I worked to pay for an online high school.”
vs.
“Because I wanted to push myself into the highest level of academics possible, I began taking online courses. In order to do this, I had to demonstrate time management since I had to work in order to afford these.”</p>
<p>In a way, pretend you never went to the bad high school. (If it affected your grades or academics, say, freshman year, then that’s something to mention elsewhere on your application. Essays are to highlight you, not to darken everything around you.)</p>
<p>Okay, this worries me a little. I’m an international applicant from the 3rd world and one of my essays is about how the corrupt and indifferent teachers in my country (in all levels of education) are the reason I want to improve the education system in my country and the rest of the 3rd world. Am I just being whiny? Will this turn colleges off?</p>
<p>I think that’s different because that’s identifying a problem you want to fix. It’s not just something you got away from, it’s an issue out there in the world that you want to solve. I think addressing it as a long term goal is a great idea, and it’s actually a unique thing that’ll make you stand out. You’re not fighting pollution or ending world hunger or building houses, you’re doing something more specific and personal. That’s just my take on it.</p>
<p>Like AtomicCafe says, the important thing is to make sure the essay focuses on you. If your essay reads like “I want to fix this problem”, it’ll work fine. If it reads like “My teachers were bad so my grades were worse than they should have been and this wasn’t fair”, it won’t look so good.</p>
<p>Thank-you for the replies 
I didn’t complain about my grades… There was just a bit about how teachers here are indifferent and how I (and others like me) struggle, but that this made me adamant to keep my grades up and do something about the education system.</p>
<p>Don’t even hint about sounding like you’re blaming others or the system for your lack of success, even if it’s true (which means if you think it is true). It can mean instant rejection.</p>