While Algebra in 8th grade is advanced, the bigger problem is that he barely applied himself during the school year. He squeaked by science and got failing grades in math in English.
I agree, entirely.
While many students are apathetic towards school, few do so poorly that they are required to repeat a grade, as there is significant social cost to doing so. I would ask for a psychological evaluation immediately, and drive pretty far if necessary to get one-maybe he is depressed or has a mood disorder? Or a substance issue? Something is going on with him.
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I part of me agrees with you that, in my son’s case, repeating 8th grade is probably not the worst possible thing. (Maybe a blessing in disguise). I do believe a tutor could help. When I have had the time to work with him on-on-one with factoring and algebraic inequalities, he understood that material and it reflected in his grades.
I would love to get my son in to one of the private schools around here but I just don’t have the $45k/year for tuition.
I know for fact that he doesn’t sleep well. He has grown considerably over the last year and is need of a better bed. That is coming soon. And yes, he spends way too much time on his computer - and a lot of that on his music production software and digital keyboard. He is either at school, home or at the gym with me - so I can’t imagine how drugs and/or alcohol could become a factor.
Thank you very much for your response!
Thank you for you reply. I appreciate what you stated.
Someone else had stated something similar about this not necessarily being the worst possible thing. He alluded to repeating 8th grade not having the academic impact as repeating 9th could have - AND that it gives my son an opportunity to grow up.
Honestly, I hate the word “fail.”
For my own piece of mind, I may have to word it as “being given the opportunity to correct past mistakes.”
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He will have further testing. I think his falling asleep in class is his anxiety exhibiting in a new way.
Or if he is sleeping poorly at home, sleeping at school may be when he catches up. Can you take away his devices at, say, 9:00 each night? Have him take melatonin or chamomile tea or see a sleep specialist (some do telehealth) to get his sleep on track?
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My son, due to his music production venture, many talents, and gregarious personality, is EXTREMELY POPULAR. I do not think the social stigma will weigh heavily on him.
He is a sweetheart but he is immature.
As I read through the replies, I become less anxious over the idea of him repeating 8th grade as what my son needs to learn, more than anything, is personal responsibility. If he graduates at 19, in stead of 18, isn’t the end of the world. And, depending on how he performs, there is a change that he may be promoted mid-year.
Yes, he has told me that his bed is no longer comfortable. He needs a new one. And I need to disconnect his devices at night.
Do it while he is still young to help him solidify good habits. It becomes increasingly more difficult as they get older.
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I agree!
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I truly think falling asleep in class is due to being up very late at night. I swear I’m trying to be helpful, even if it doesn’t sound like that.
I see teens every day in my work as a tutor. I can’t tell you how many parents tell me that they only found out by accident that their kid was online until 2 or 3 a.m. during the school week. My eldest was always a seriously academic student and I was certainly in for a rude awakening when I learned she was on Tumblr until the wee hours in middle school. I only discovered this because there was a tracker that listed the hours she had been active on the site. (Don’t ask how I saw this, haha.)
Is he coming home from school and taking naps? Both of my kids had friends who did this through high school. They freely said their friends were up all night.
A simple suggestion: Turn off the Wi-Fi after a certain time. Don’t allow the cell phone in the bedroom at night.
You are rightly seeking explanations for your son’s behavior, but often the simplest explanation is the answer.
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The school evaluated my son at that age and said no learning disabilities, but something was wrong. They said it was typical boy behavior and that we didn’t enforce rules enough,even let him fail and “drive the bus” (take charge of things himself, etc. They were wrong. We had him evaluated privately by an Autism specialist and he is on the spectrum. Keep looking for the answers. Your son may not be on the spectrum, but look it up to see if he fits any of the indicators. If you have EAP (Employee Assistance Program) through your work or other parent, see if you qualify for 5 free sessions per family member per issue and see if a counselor could help.
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True.
Yes, private assessment will be needed.
Linda! I find your words very helpful!
(I am one of those people who prefer a hard truth over a soft lie.)
He will have less screen time when the school year starts. Right now I am out of the country but my son is home with his dad. Once I am back in the USA I will set up controls to help reduce nighttime distractions.
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A bunch of thoughts…
So, just tossing this out there… Everything he excels at is something which is hearing dependent. He learns when you explain.
Could he have a visual processing issue that makes it hard for him to learn by reading or to deal with things requiring reading words or numbers?
Schools are notorious for providing diagnoses they can address, not necessarily accurate ones that might require them to pay for a specialist or another school. Glad you’re going to get an outside opinion.
Your kid sounds like a sweetheart, really! While you’re working on this, keep the communication open. Make sure he knows you believe in him and that you want him to be happy and thriving. Iow, you aren’t upset with him but that his situation isn’t allowing him to be his best self. I like the suggestion upthread of asking him what he wants to do. And celebrate what he does well!
Repeating 8th grade might be the right thing, but you don’t want to repeat the year you just had.
If you’re looking for strategies, consider the book That Crumpled Paper was due Last Week. If you read it together, you might find some ideas in there that resonate.
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At anytime was the child consulted about what school they wanted to go to?
Theres no way those school switching didnt affect him.
Shut off tech at night.
Tell him he only needs to pass.
This kid has been told for years hes not good enough so why would he want to try?
I think you answered your own questions- I would still get the neuropsych evaluation but so many kids experienced issues requiring psych support due to COVID isolation- the fact that there are long lines to get in tells you as much. I also agree that Blossom hit it on the nail - your son experienced 3 different schools in middle school - a tough tough time to change schools once let alone 3 times - during COVID and already has underlying anxiety issues which go hand in hand with high performing kids. In the meantime I would foster whatever love and passion he has for music right now. Remind him that math and music go hand in hand - maybe there are fun music/math classes he could take (that he is interested in) - but I think the biggest thing he needs (in addition to psych therapy for anxiety) is a sense of control. The fact that he’s doing well in some classes and not the ones you want him to do well in - do you think that might be related or coincidental? I think kids “act out” in ways they may not even realize when they’re seeking control of a situation that feels out of control. I would prioritize looking to speed up getting in with the best therapist you can afford (and invest in it like it’s private school because all therapists are not created equal) and enlist their help in trying to figure out what’s happening. I would bet money the significant life changes including COVID isolation and change in schools and anxiety - and possibly feeling the pressure to succeed - are at least somewhat involved. A good psychologist should also be able to do a neuropsych if they feel it’s warranted.
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If he needs to finish summer school, can his dad implement the no screens process before you return?