The screensaver would definitely be an issue. Just turn the monitor off at bedtime.
Also, the anxiety could be contributing to his insomnia.
Or he could have depression or anxiety or ADHD or fill in the blank and just is having trouble articulating what he needs.
2 Likes
Agree with this. Any professional you enlist will insist on the same. I set up my child’s phone to shut off at night for this reason.
I think repeating would be terrible. Honestly if it was my child, I would accept being behind before repeating. The two best things you mentioned he has going is social and music. Repeating means taking one of those things away.
1 Like
I also find it odd that a child with congenital heart problems who has such debilitating anxiety its left him catatonic and hospitalized cant get an IEP for emotional disturbance or OHI.
6 Likes
Insomnia is not uncommon with anxiety. Your mind is turning and turning and can’t shut off - my D even with therapy, and Benadryl (prescribed) still has issues on occasion but is much better. When she first slept, she said she hadn’t ever slept like that, ever. It catches up to you. It was eye opening because I suddenly remembered that even as a baby she had difficulty falling and staying asleep.
2 Likes
Have you discussed the sleep issues with your cardiologist? Cardio pulmonary issues can cause some sleep issues. Please check.
This should be part of that comprehensive physical I suggested up steam.
3 Likes
Often schools don’t want a 504 because it’s another legally binding administrative burden on them, but having (1) a documented diagnosis and (2) a professional advocate who will attend this meeting with you and push for it on your behalf is extremely helpful, at least in my experience. PM me if you need help. But first you need a diagnosis. Most professionals are happy to attend and help advocate.
1 Like
Has the child had a sleep study?
Also, in regards to the IEP or 504, the child does have a diagnosis already thus I don’t understand why the school would be against this. Especially as its obvious it IS affecting his learning.
1 Like
They may want a clear line between the diagnosis and learning impact. In other words it’s his diagnosis that is causing the issue. Which is why I suggested having the professional in the room for 504 meeting is sometimes the difference between getting a yes or a no. At least in my experience on two different occasions/two different schools/kids, having the professional advocate with the recommendations made the difference.
1 Like
Wasn’t my intention to make you feel neglectful! We have all missed things that seemed obvious in retrospect. You are asking all the right questions and doing the best you can - it sounds like your son is a great kid in many ways. Hope you get to the bottom of this and he is able to move forward.
2 Likes
I used to think of DC’s insomnia as an attempt to fight sleep, afraid of missing out on the exciting things that would happen after bedtime (which were none, but DC imagined cool things happening). Only after talking with the psychiatrist did I realize there was actually a problem that wasn’t being instigated by DC. Just sharing that to indicate that missing something like this is totally normal (at least to me it is).
1 Like
I didn’t mean any offense. You are clearly a very involved parent who cares immensely for her kids. I know that with his health and anxiety issues that has been a huge deal. And twins! But when they become teens it gets really intense and pretty much all parents need to step up their games and roll with some unexpected changes. I know I did.
My oldest has thankfully not had major health issues, but has had anxiety issues since birth and while a delightful human was a pretty high maintenance kid (diagnosed with non-verbal learning disorder as well as the anxiety disorders and some other issues). It got way worse when the teen years hit and I really did need to step up my game a lot from what I already thought was pretty intensive parenting. We ended up homeschooling one year in high school, which is why I suggested it. It was not great, but it was better than going to school that year and the bad fit worked to incentivize going back to school the following year for senior year.
I agree with the others that what you are describing sounds like he most likely qualifies for a 504 and/or IEP. Plenty of kids are 2E (twice exceptional) and it sounds like that may be his situation. Or 3E with his health concerns.
I agree that sleep is crucial and worth trying all the suggestions here to make that better. Unfortunately teens are wired to be night owls, some more than others, but reducing the screen time and making his bed cozier and maybe trying a little melatonin might help. Mine were horrible night owls as are their mom and dad. Insomnia is hard to deal with. For my younger '22 kid we did use the Calm app and that seemed to help at times, but she is just a night owl through and through. Thankfully she’s (hopefully) done with early morning wake-ups now that she’s off to college.
You and he will get through it! You clearly have a great relationship and that counts for so much. He is lucky to have such an involved and caring mom as you!
1 Like
OP- you are doing a great job and I’m going to “pile on” to the crowd which says that it’s common to miss something. You have been so involved figuring out the academic piece- and sometimes it’s helpful to have an outsider (or three or three hundred) weigh in on a different perspective. Sometimes CC’ers can really help a stranger see the forest for the trees.
I have a friend who is a few years older than me, and her kids are a few years older than mine. She was an invaluable sounding board for me during HS. She knew my kids, she understood that our parenting styles were different than hers and her husbands, but she was just a phenomenal reality check for me. If you don’t have someone like this in your life- then I hope CC can play that role for you (although knowing your kid would sure help us as we stagger around in the dark hoping to make suggestions that resonate.) She was much more savvy about dealing with school administrators than I was; she was much more “social” and engaged with the parents so she had a lot of institutional type knowledge that I lacked. And- most critical- she could tell me when I was worried about the wrong thing (which was pretty frequent).
I think you’ve been living with his medical issues for so long that its become normalized for you. For us- all the physical/socio-emotional stuff you’re writing about seem to jump off the page. Even without a comprehensive medical history, it seems like you are checking all the boxes (cardiac patient, concerns about his immune system, anxiety, sleep issues, focus, it’s like the warning label on a new medication…).
Big hug to you. Nobody hands out medals for being a caring parent, but I’m hereby giving you one!
10 Likes
This. Absolutely this. I am living this life, too, and I do need the reality check from time to time from people who know and love me and remind me that no, what my kids need is not normal and it’s okay to be exhausted sometimes and feel like I’m dropping just about all balls than can be dropped.
It’s ridiculous that your son does not have an 504, or maybe even an IEP (I’m not in the US and while our school system has a similar distinction between the two levels of support, the line is not being drawn the exact same way). I have a hunch that that may be a charter school problem.
And I think repeating a grade is the last thing he needs. Why can’t he go into high school repeating algebra? It’s the same school anyway, right?
Edited to add that I get that reality check occasionally from my therapist, too, who doesn’t love me but certainly knows me. What are you doing for yourself, what’s your support system? You sound so exhausted.
3 Likes
Blossom,
How/when did his mindset and actions change?
My CTY post was in response to this question- summer after 8th grade.
Thank you for the reassurance 
I truly appreciate it.
2 Likes
@blossom
You have me in tears over here. And for the first time ever, the tears are not in tears of frustration.
Thank you for the reassurance.
2 Likes
You’ve got this.
All the raw ingredients are there- a terrific kid who is STILL communicating with you! Innate talent in a field he loves! A medical team which has figured out how to help him live a normal life, with some caution! Friends and social connectivity!
And something which cannot be said enough- loving parents who have gone to the end of the world and back for their kids…
10 Likes