<p>I've never really dated before, never had a boyfriend, and I've never considered the guys at my current school because most of them aren't my type and I wasn't really interested in dating either. But I consider myself a nice person so I always found it hard to turn a guy down. So I would tell any guy who approached me that I had a boyfriend, and I had a friend who didn't mind posing as my boyfriend.</p>
<p>But now I'm changing schools and I think at my new school I'd actually be interested in dating so the whole "I have a boyfriend" thing won't cut it anymore. But because of my sidestepping, I have absolutely no idea what to tell guys I'm not interested in. My first instinct is to usually give them my number if they ask, but never respond to their texts or calls (which I know is bad).
So how do I say now without sounding mean or feeling guilty afterwards?</p>
<p>Maybe your “niceness” is sending mixed messages to guys.
Do you lean in, touch them on the arm when talking, hug them in greeting, flirt…then say I’m not interested? Mixed message.
You said you give guys your number too easily, the guys take that as a “go” signal then you ignore their calls and texts. Mixed message.
Cool it with the flirty, misleading behaviors and see if you notice a difference on how men react to you.</p>
<p>no, by nice I don’t mean flirty, I mean I’m a nice person in general. I think I have a weird personality; I’d rather see others happy/comfortable than be happy/comfortable myself. Mainly guys who I don’t even know or have only spoke to in passing will approach me and ask for my number. And I give my number to guys not to lead them on, but because most of them badger me and I hate saying no over and over again.</p>
<p>Sky Pilot: I can’t even use that one because I’ve never had a problem with my guys friends taking it a step further, fortunately lol.</p>
<p>schaden: lol those are good ones. But do you have any lines for like guys who aren’t even friends? Like say, a guy who sits in the front of you in class and then just one day turns around and asks for your number?</p>
<p>hahaha, I’ve tried that. But now guys have this thing where I give them my number then they immediately call my phone so I can get theirs. It’s soo annoying >.<
Idk, maybe I’ll keep up the boyfriend thing then suddenly “break up” with him if I meet a guy I like, lol.</p>
<p>Or you could travel with a pack of girls and when a guy comes up to you, give him a weird look and say “yeah right psh, hahahaha” then walk away.</p>
<p>Tell them nicely that you’re just not really attracted to them sexually, even though they’ve got the personality and the looks. I’d honestly rather have someone tell me outright than have me waste my time - sure, it might be a little painful, but it’s nowhere near as bad as leading them on.</p>
<p>I have this problem too. It was fine when I did have a bf but now I don’t, and always end up giving my number out. I try to say no in a nice why, but they will constantly pester me until I just give in. I mean, why would I ever like a guy like that? Its creepy and random. I also take issue with people inability to accept “no” for an answer. I have just ignored the people that thats happened with when they call. I just hope I never run into them again.</p>
<p>^^ same here, I usually say “I don’t give out my number” But then they tell me to take theirs instead. One guy even tried to make me promise to call. Its like they don’t understand subtlety.</p>
<p>But I’ll try being honest, maybe not making eye contact will make it easier…</p>
<p>It’s honestly not a great situation to be in. I’m glad I’m not a girl in that regard - I don’t have to be constantly pestered by clueless guys.</p>
<p>It’s like any subtle rejection, and they can’t take the hint.
Any overt rejection, and it’s like you are being rude and hurtful, and they get all p!ssed and huffy.</p>
<p>I think for most of these guys - they just simply can’t believe they are being rejected. Although they’ve been rejected before, they’ve mistaken your niceness (social politeness that anyone would give that means nothing, really) for an interest in them. Call it lack of experience, desperation, I don’t know.</p>
<p>And then they buy into all these Hollywood/ Disney movie stereotypes, completely divorced from reality, where some dopey nerdy kinda quirky slob (ie them) finally sways and charms the hot girl.</p>
<p>I got no real advice to offer. Can’t really figure out the best way.</p>
<p>Seriously. From a guy’s perspective. If you’re going to reject me, don’t sugarcoat it. Just come right out and say it. I’ll drink about 3 bottles of wine, eat ice cream with a shovel, and get over it. By tomorrow morning.</p>
<p>PeterP- You grasp the essence of the problem:</p>
<p>“And then they buy into all these Hollywood/Disney movie stereotypes, completely divorced from reality, where some dopey nerdy kinda quirky slob (ie them) finally sways and charms the hot girl.”</p>
<p>The fantasy of an unattractive male getting the hot girl is promoted in beer commercials as well. Only on the screen does the girl who spends six hours in the gym a week give a second look to the male who spends zero hours in the gym.</p>
<p>Just saying a firm “no” seems to work well with men in general. If they’re being annoying/crossing the line with harassment, it’s really easy to just bark out a “no” and then follow-up with a cushioning statement. When I was studying abroad, some of the cat-calling/male attention (it was a cultural thing) was really difficult for me to deal with because of the language barrier (ie I couldn’t think of what to say/do in the moment), but just saying “NO” got them to back off. </p>
<p>Back in the States though I think a simple, “No, thank you.” Or, “No thanks, but I’m totally flattered” works well. Sometimes I fall back on the old tried and true “sorry, I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.”</p>
<p>Just tell them your not interested, its not that hard. Don’t worry we won’t cry over it =). Don’t know why girls always have a problem with this, you probably barely know the guy so why the guilt.</p>