I actually passed programming 1 it’s the programming 2 that I can’t do
My mom just scolded me for wasting money just now and asked me to pay the amount for this subject in installments (even though I paid the tuition for this semester)and she said she will tell my dad about this because she can’t hide it I don’t have the best realtionship with my dad so I’m scared how that will go and also my mom compared me with all the other asian kids and told me what a failure i am and told me it’s really tough to find a job in the business sector even with a BBA
And I also want to add talking about my feelings in this website has really helped me so Thankyou everyone for your encouragement !
I’m sorry you are going through this, hopefully your parents get over the initial shock and come to understand that you will succeed on your own path. Let them cool off a bit if you can…
Well if you paid for it that seems odd. Do you parents pay your tuition in general?
OP- big hug to you.
There are millions and millions of people out there who didn’t study programming or CS in college and they have achieved wonderful success in their lives (and many of them are Asian!) They are teachers and marketing managers and loan officers and physical therapists and logistics managers and directors of education at museums and heads of communications at teaching hospitals and analysts who help cities decide how to fix their public transportation systems. I could go on for hours.
This will be you- an adult with a career you love which you are good at, and lots of other things too- relationships and volunteer work and people you love and who love you back.
Try not to catastrophize your current dilemma. You flunked a class; you didn’t sell crack to an 8 year old, and you didn’t push an elderly woman down a flight of stairs. This is an opportunity for a re-set for you academically; take advantage of it and don’t let yourself get bullied into majoring something else you aren’t going to enjoy.
Study history or literature or design if that’s what you love. The rest comes later.
I will add to what @blossom just wrote - don’t let your parents catastrophize it either. Your parents wanted you to go into CS, and you gave it an honest try. It didn’t work out, because your talents lie elsewhere. After all, your parents wouldn’t get mad at you if you couldn’t play a piano well enough to finish a degree at Juliard. This is not any different. People’s minds are wired differently. For example, I have a Doctorate and have taught at college level, but I’m not sure that I would pass that programming course. In fact, I’m pretty sure that at least 50% of the faculty at Harvard would fail that course, and I’m mean fail spectacularly.
thank You for your kind words talking to you guys has helped me a lot in way that I cannot explain in words.before I moved abroad my parents told me that they will spend for all of my expenses but when I came here they started complaining about the high expenses so I told my parents that I will work hard and cover tuition fees for one semester and they can pay for the other semester (there are only two semesters) so the fall semester is the one I covered and the one I failed.even though I wanted to point this out to my mom I am scared to do that .when I was in my country I studied business for 3 years and I would say i got average grades and everything but before moving I was talking about doing a BBA and my parents told me to do CS so I agreed because I always agrees with my parents even though I clearly didn’t wanted to do CS .i am person who really hate to displease my parents @blossom @MWolf @OHMomof2
Your US college experience is teaching you a lot outside the classroom. You are growing and maturing every month. One important lesson is to please yourself- your parents gave you birth and a childhood but you are an independent person. Your parents still need to realize this- you do not belong to them like an object. Their love and support is not dependent on producing the product they envision. Perhaps you can get through to them that the different you (not a CS major) will be an improved you. Deep down they do want what is best for you and are dealing with learning that they didn’t know it all. It may take time for them to adjust, especially with your home cultural norms. Change is difficult.
Another suggestion. Hopefully you can find someone on campus from your own country who can help you deal with the cultural differences they know and we do not. Every person who goes to another country faces challenges. No one knows exactly what they or their child is getting into. Your parents may react differently to an outsider who can explain things in terms they can relate to- someone who knows both this and their culture.
OP- I am also a first generation American and not disappointing our parents is really hard-wired into our experiences as children. I totally get that.
But it’s not as though you fought and fought and argued about studying programming. You gave it not one solid try but two. And it’s evident that this is not where your talents lie.
There are lots of terrible lawyers out there who would have been wonderful social workers, and lots of awful nurses who would have been terrific graphic designers. You need to get over the short and painful process of letting your parents come to terms with their disappointment, and then it gets better. You get to redirect where you are going with your life. You get to figure out what you are good at and what you love, and then get to craft “how do I make a living doing this?”
So it’s going to get better after your parents get over their disappointment. CS isn’t for everyone. Engineering isn’t for everyone. Accounting isn’t for everyone. That’s just the way it is. I would have been terrible at the four things my parents considered “respectable” careers, but as luck would have it, I am terrific at what I do and have spent decades working in jobs I love with people I admire and respect, making a good living at it, and being very satisfied with my work/life balance.
So there’s that… going off to work every day at something you know you’re good at and getting to work with stimulating and smart and interesting people. Not such a bad pay off. Just get through the next few conversations with your folks and it starts to get better.