<p>If your college student decided to skip a few classes every now and then? </p>
<p>My D, a college freshman, has skipped two days of classes, both times because of things she wanted to do off-campus with her friends. In her view, classes are important, but every how and then something else is more important. I am trying to decide how much to read her the riot act over this, and surprisingly (to me at least), I am starting to conclude, "not much." As a college professor myself, it pains me to think there could ever be a good reason for skipping class. I have just seen too many students get behind even missing a few classes and never really regain their lost momentum. But D's grades seem generally good (I did see her midterm grades and they were quite good) and her overall attitude about academics seems good. Perhaps her attitude, more balanced as it is, is even better than mine was as a college student--looking back, I probably should have spent a few more Friday nights out with my friends rather than in the library. And maybe most importantly, I cannot make her go to class anymore. If I come down hard about this, she could simply stop telling me about missing class and continue to do it anyway. I know it has to be her choice, and I want it to be her choice, I just am worried about letting it be her choice.</p>
<p>Once was because she and several other girls were spending the weekend with a friend’s family, about a five-hour drive from campus, and D didn’t want the group to wait until her last class was over (the class meets fairly late on Friday afternoon and D thought she should either skip the class or not go with her friends, so they wouldn’t be leaving so late). The other was a friend’s birthday celebration.</p>
<p>Many colleges and universities take attendance in class and have penalties if students skip too many classes (generally the semester letter grade is affected after about three cuts, I believe).</p>
<p>I would want to know if this were the case.</p>
<p>If so, I would have a policy of no cuts, as generally no allowances are made for illness and the like and it is therefore a good idea to keep the cuts “in reserve” for times when they are unavoidable.</p>
<p>She told you about these skipped classes? Heavens, I suspect my kids skipped classes every so often too…I know I did…but they NEVER told me about it. Never. And I never told my parents either. One or two missed classes is not a big deal as long as the teachers say that there isn’t a penalty for missed classes. Some profs have penalties for missed classes in the form of reduced grades.</p>
<p>My daugther has taken few days off before or after a holiday (midterm, Thanksgiving) to spend more time with us. I know in rare occassions she has skipped a class before a major exam to give herself little bit more time to study. I said rare because at her school it is not always easy to catch up, she would usually need to get her notes from someone and see professor or TA later. It is a hard, calculated decision for her to make. Because of that, I stay out it.</p>
<p>If your daughter could afford to skip classes often and still get very good grades, then I would wonder if the school is a good academic fit for her. But so far, she has only taken 2 days off.</p>
<p>I would like to believe that my kids would never skip a class for a birthday party, but I am sure that if they did, they would not tell me about it, and they would make sure to get the notes/make up the work.</p>
<p>You can make your expectations clear, but you can not monitor your kid’s class attendance in college (and you should not try…)</p>
<p>I’ve got two in college-the bottom line is that end-of-term grade. My kids know that-if they skip or otherwise goof off, and the end result is a bad grade-they have to answer to me. They are young adults-although the apron strings are intact, it’s time to give them some leeway, then jerk them back if they screw up. I myself was in an advanced degree program where the profs were so ingrained/tenured that they taught the identical material every year-a lot of people got the notes, stayed home to study, spent the extra time at the gym and showed up only for the exams…including some of the very top people in the class.</p>
<p>I always told my kids the easiest thing about college is just going to class. That is a no-brainer. They, too grew up with a college professor for a dad and know how angry he gets when students blow off his class and he sees them on campus at lunch.</p>
<p>That being said, yes they have missed a class or two in their four years, but not very many. Both of them very much wanted to do well and found out it was better to get information first hand by being in class than having to rely on getting it later from classmates. Plus if they have good attendance it can get them the benefit of the doubt if they run into a problem. There were times my son was the only one that showed up out of a class of 6 or 8. The professor continued with the lecture normally and son earned some extra brownie points.</p>
<p>So I don’t get upset. It is a choice they make and they live with the consequences.</p>
<p>Hummmm…I’d prefer to know she had to miss a class because she was doing some charity work or (in my son’s case) having trouble returning from Thanksgiving vacation. But a birthday celebration?</p>
<p>If my kids had to miss a class for any reason, they always notified the teacher (if the class was small enough that they’d be missed) and make sure they got notes. Seems to me, she’s missed enough. It’s only halfway through! But, at least she’s told you.</p>
<p>It is possible that she has missed more but I am inclined to think not. She told me about missing class because she also told me about the activities that were conflicting with class, and I know her schedule, so there was no point in not telling me that she was missing class. I definitely have reminded her about needing to make sure that she does not risk being penalized for being absent and she says that she knows and that she won’t. And I reminded her that she could get sick and miss even more classes and then be in real trouble. She does know that I disapprove but so far I have not insisted that she not miss any classes by choice (that is, unless sick). It feels weird to respect her decision to disagree with me about this but that’s the place that I find myself.</p>
<p>All I care about is end results. If my kid keeps her grades up, doesn’t end up dropping classes, etc., then I don’t really need to know if she skips classes. None of my business. And, Lord knows, I skipped a few in college (and graduate school and seminary). In fact, I was trying to convince my D to skip her Friday afternoon class this week in order to go trick or treating on Embassy Row (she is in DC). But, I have to admit, she decided to attend class cause she was afraid to miss anything.</p>
<p>Let it go. She told you and that is more than many (if not most) college students would do. I knew my kids’ schedules also but I certainly didn’t know if they attended each and every class…or not. They were responsible for getting decent grades in college and that was the bottom line. If they missed class, it was their business UNLESS they didn’t do well in a class. If that had happened it would have become MY business because I would not have paid for that course. </p>
<p>Your child is away in college. I wouldn’t worry about her attendance. Her issue.</p>
<p>College is an overall personal growth experience that extends well beyond the classroom. If she’s doing well, I’d recommend letting her sort out her priorities on her own.</p>
<p>I remember quite a few classes where the prof just reiterated what was in the textbook. If that is the case, the kid can study the text in his/her own time.</p>
<p>I would agree if it were also my kid’s money financing the education, but it’s not. Our son knows we expect decent grades in return for the huge sums of money we are forking out. He doesn’t need to show us his grades if he doesn’t need us to pay for the next semester.</p>
<p>If your kid is learning the material and is making good grades, I don’t think it’s a problem. I hated missing classes when I was in college. My friends always knew they could count on me for complete lecture notes. That said, there was one Shakespeare course with just dreadful lectures, so dreadful, that when, about half way through the year the kid in front of me stood up and said out loud he wasn’t going to waste another minute of his time going to lectures, I followed him out and never went to another one. Luckily the small group meetings with a grad student TA were great. It was the professor who was the problem.</p>
<p>I never went to a class where I can remember attendance was taken, though I certainly took some classes that were small enough that my absence would have been noticed and I would have missed critical material that could not be made up easily.</p>
<p>my daughter, a freshman, tends to tell me most things that go on in her life. Sometimes I wished I knew less, but in the meantime we’ve been experimenting with me making sure she knows that i’m not going to be providing my unsolicited opinion on how she chooses to live her life. When she tells me something, I sometimes clarify if she’s telling me or asking me for advice/my opinion. That way she’s clear that my silence isn’t necessarily an implicit agreement with her actions and she doesn’t have to worry about sensoring her discussions with me in fear of me disagreeing with her. </p>
<p>There are certain topics (like boyfriend troubles) where I have specifically told her I don’t want to be involved and that she needs to seek guidance from her friends, other family members etc. because on these subjects it’s not as easy for me to withhold my opinion and often my attempts to “help” end up poorly for all parties.</p>
<p>There’s no reason to be upset about skipping a class here and there, as long as the kid doesn’t skip excessively and has a good “feel” for the class requirements.</p>