<p>I’ve recently heard that Barnard college can be impersonal and that if you’re not the wealthy(ish), stylish, cosmopolitan type you may not fit into Barnard. I like that sort of stuff to a degree but i was just wondering how hard it would be to make friends. Of course, you all don’t know me… but anyone willing to answer to the best of their ability? Thanks!</p>
<p>My daughter is neither wealthy, particularly concerned with “style”, nor a “cosmopolitan-type”. I am pretty sure she would describe herself as a nerd. I would, of course, say she is a beautiful, bright young woman who gained immeasurably from the fact that she was/is not about stereotyping anyone. And she loved her time at Barnard.</p>
<p>Barnard is an extremely diverse environment, with students from all over the world with a huge array of experiences and backgrounds. It is one of the larger LACs in terms of number of students, and of course the social milieu is even larger, given the presence of Columbia and the NYC location. The best way to make friends at Barnard – or anywhere else – is to seek out activities or associations where students are likely to share similar interests. </p>
<p>That being said, my daughter did feel that there was a clear atmosphere of privilege that created barriers and made it difficult for her to relate to many of the students. That is not a Barnard thing – my son reported the same at another high-tuition, east coast LAC. (I’m a single parent, earning close to median wage for my area; my kids relied on grant aid, loans and work study. I did not send my kids ANY spending money, or help with buying books – it was all I could do to pay the bill that came from the bursar). </p>
<p>Basically when a college is charging upwards of $60K annually to attend, and the country is in a recession, there is going to be an ever widening gap between the economic status of the full-pay students and those who rely on large amounts of financial aid. So the sense that students are predominantly wealthy would probably exist at any of the colleges you are looking at (I see that you’ve asked about chances at a number of other elite LAC’s) – but it may be accentuated in NYC where there is so much available to do with one’s money, if one happens to have money. </p>
<p>My d. did have difficulty making close friends at Barnard, but a lot depended on her housing situation and it varied from year to year. She is still very close friends with a woman who lived on a different floor of her dorm her first year, and definitely has other close Barnard friends. She did seem to have more male friends at Columbia than female friends at Barnard at first, however. It also may have taken my male-loving daughter some time to quite fit in to the whole sisterhood, women’s college thing. (That is, it may be that the people she was most interested in being friendly with were not even eligible for admission to her college.) </p>
<p>I think my daughter also made things harder on herself socially because she avoided EC’s her first semester, wanting to concentrate mostly on her studies. I think that was a wise choice academically, considering that my d’s preparation from her public high school was clearly not as strong as many of her classmates – but it made it tougher to break into social groups that had formed early on.</p>
<p>It just depends on the individual experience, I suppose. But I will add that my D had many “full pay” friends (including suitemates) who were and are good friends of hers. To my knowledge, she never felt ill-at-ease with them.</p>
<p>I’d add to Churchmusicmom’s post that my daughter pretty much had a love/hate relationship over her 4 years at Barnard. And I would describe my daughter as “cosmopolitan” and “stylish” (in an artsy kind of way) – so I think it’s hard to generalize. (But definitely NOT wealthy!)</p>
<p>I am also tangling over this question, as D favors Barnard though she has not yet visited, so maybe it is the “idea” of Barnard she likes. </p>
<p>Having lived in Boston during my college years, I definitely remember that unless you had spending money, there was not a lot to do as the years went on. At my age, this looks like a situation ripe for segregation into the haves and the have-nots, compared to a traditional LAC that is not in an expensive city/town. </p>
<p>Also, I do not believe in working more than 10-12 hours per week if a student is going to get the most out of college, so funds would be limited. </p>
<p>To me, a self-contained LAC not in the big city would have more universally available things to do on campus, and so the students would have in common the ability to participate in those campus activities. But I certainly do agree that the student has to get out and meet people in order to get the most out of any college.</p>
<p>There are lots of free/inexpensive things to do in NYC. Admission to all the museums is free for students, for example. My D loved going to Central Park; she also loved just going to audition for various open calls of Broadway shows (free opportunity to dance for a day); you can do student rush for Broadway shows, and Columbia U. (including Barnard) students can sign up for free tix to various events (including Broadway shows) each semester. </p>
<p>Of course you CAN spend a ton of money there but you don’t have to in order have once-in-a-lifetime experiences…</p>
<p>I did know girls at Barnard who were wealthier and who spent their time eating at expensive restaurants and shopping at Barneys. But my friends and I were a mix financially and we took the time to find fun free/cheap things to do. </p>
<p>But I also wanted to add that no matter what else we were doing - an on campus job, an internship - all of my friends and I made a LOT of money babysitting. Barnard has a wonderful babysitting agency that is well-regarded and helps you find clients all over the city. Personally I love kids, so this was a huge draw for me, but I think it’s a pretty ideal job for a college student. You make more per hour than you probably would working in a store or at an internship (if you’re lucky enough to find a paid one) and once the kids are asleep you can finish your homework!! My parents were wary about me having a job my first year of college, but also concerned about my having enough money to have fun. Babysitting totally took care of that. </p>
<p>Anyway, it obviously doesn’t level the playing field but I found that with what I made in the summer and my babysitting cash (and by being smart about what I did and where I ate) I was able to have plenty of fun in New York.</p>
<p>Re post #4 – I never said my daughter couldn’t make friends with students from wealthy backgrounds; I said that it was difficult for her to “relate to many”. “Many” is not “all.” But it is NYC, and there are students at Barnard who shop regularly at Bloomingdale’s. For the most part those students weren’t the ones who were going to accompany my daughter to thrift shops or freecycling. </p>
<p>Re post #6. There are tons of things to do in NY for free or low cost, especially in and around Morningside Heights and the upper west side, so that isn’t the problem. The issue is more one of which kids are going to what to do what. A Barnard student with limited finances isn’t going to be bored, she just is going to choose a different set of opportunities than a well-to-do student with expensive tastes. There are probably a lot of students from wealthy backgrounds who don’t have such expensive tastes, or who are living on a budget because their parents aren’t all that generous with allowance money – it’s just that it’s a small college environment, NYC has a lot of attractions, and some lines may get drawn at the outset with choice of activities during the first few weeks of college. </p>
<p>My d. also was able to earn spending money through Barnard’s agencies (bartending & babysitting), but there is sometimes a different attitude about spending when the money has been earned, even at the generous hourly rates available via the agencies.</p>
<p>I had a very similar experience I think to calmom’s daughter. I definitely had friends at Barnard, as well as at Columbia and other NYC schools, (though many of my better friends I met my senior year), but I did have a harder time relating to many of the people around me due not only to their wealth but to their social status in general. Coming from a middle-class family in a small town in Michigan, I often felt I related to the world and took on responsibilities and interests in a different way than many around me. I also did on occasion feel left out for not being able to go out as often as others I knew. But any good group of friends you have will be more than happy to either treat you or do things on a budget so they can spend time with you; I remember many times senior year just getting a bottle of wine and some cheap take-out and hanging out in the art studio with my friends for hours.</p>
<p>It can definitely be hard to be in NYC without much spending money, but there is a lot to do on a budget (free museums is a HUGE perk), and much ON campus I wish I had taken advantage of instead of leaving to spend money elsewhere. I knew when at college that I would never again have an opportunity to be so carefree in NYC, and I am so glad I was able to go to school there because it was an amazing (though sometimes harrowing) experience. </p>
<p>Finally, to reiterate something else calmom said: if you do feel out of place at Barnard you will probably feel the same sense of alienation at any other expensive private school on the east coast–they all draw the same crowd. And as for not feeling cosmopolitan or too “fashiony”: there are plenty at Barnard who are down-to-earth and not obsessed with fashion. You can definitely find a niche.</p>
<p>Sorry it took so long for me to reply but thank you so much for all your responses! They helped a lot. I am still interested in Barnard and really just can’t wait to figure all this out. It’s such a confusing time but I’m excited to get through it. Thanks! :)</p>