<p>One of my daughters is at a top, small lac that stresses family connection and has given her generous aid. The admissions officer knows that she has a younger brother who is a junior and wants my son to apply for an event for minority juniors. She (the admissions officer) has gone so far as keeping track of my son for two years and 'reminding' my daughter. That's all nice but the truth is son isn't competitive for this school. His unweighted gpa is a 3.0 and he will take 3-4 APs. His sister had an unweighted gpa over .6 higher with more than twice the number of APs. I know it's easier for boys to gain admission than girls, but not that much easier. Of course he would love to attend-- but I don't think it's an option. Daughter has tried to explain but the counselor has said to have him apply. My daughter wants me to make my son apply so the counselor knows we also value the school. My laid-back son would apply if asked but he will be disappointed when he is rejected. What would you do? Would you have him apply to the minority event and not necessarily admissions in a year? I hate for him to take the spot of a student who isn't as familiar with the school.</p>
<p>Who knows? If your daughter has explained his grades and they still want him to apply, he should apply.</p>
<p>Sounds like they know the score and still want him to apply. Don’t worry about the admission app yet – that’s a year away. Besides, he might go to this event and decide the place isn’t for him.</p>
<p>Just to be clear, this is a top20 lac and my kids attended a good, suburban public school-- meaning that’s not a 3.0 from Andover.</p>
<p>What is the downside to his applying for this event? Or even for admissions down the road? The downside is: he doesn’t attend. And that’s different how from the result he’d get if he didn’t apply??</p>
<p>He’s been invited to apply! Let the school decide whether he’s competitive for the program/for admissions; that’s not your job. Your job is to be the mom and do the mom thing, and the mom thing includes encouraging him to reach!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Perhaps not, in the case of minority students, who are in such heavy demand at some colleges that they might be admitted to a school that is too academically rigorous for them. I’m not sure that encouraging the student to reach is necessarily the most appropriate parental role in the case of students who have a special “hook” for admission.</p>
<p>The object of the admissions game, as I see it, is to match students with appropriate colleges. A reach college may not be the most appropriate choice if the student is not as well prepared as his classmates and therefore cannot do well when he gets there.</p>
<p>When my son was in high school, several of his friends encouraged him to apply to a university where he would have an admissions advantage because he is a legacy. The university in question has a top program in the subject in which my son intended to major. But he refused to apply because the program was known to be highly demanding, and his credentials would have put him in the lower half of admitted students. There is no way of knowing whether the legacy preference would have gotten him admitted, but that was not his concern. His concern was that he would not be able to handle the program when he got there. He attended a different, less competitive university and did well.</p>
<p>The OP is concerned about her son’s feelings if he applies to this college and is not admitted. That’s an important issue. But equally important, in my opinion, is what happens if he is admitted and chooses to attend the college in question.</p>
<p>It’s an event for high school juniors, for pity’s sake, and the kid, described as “laid-back,” is a solid B student (unweighted). The OP feels he doesn’t have the grades for the school; that’s not the same as not being able to handle the program.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>(Emphasis mine.)</p>
<p>Instead of worrying about possible disappointment if the kid isn’t admitted to the event, I’d worry more about the kid’s disappointment should he find out his mom has so little faith in him that she is already certain he would not be admitted to it.</p>
<p>Can’t hurt to visit, perhaps even apply; if accepted, the student will ultimately make the choice. I like to keep choices open as long as possible.</p>
<p>If he ends up applying to several schools, including some good safeties, even if he somehow gets rejected from sis’s school (which it doesn’t sound like he will), he’ll have some acceptances in hand. To ensure some acceptances, I would also apply to some safeties with “rolling admissions” that quickly give acceptances.</p>
<p>BTW…do you really want to give you son the message “you may fail, so don’t bother to try?” Disappointments are part of life…we can’t (and shouldn’t) shield our kids from disappointments…otherwise, they’ll completely fall apart later when faced with one.</p>
<p>‘Of course he would love to attend’</p>
<p>No brainer here, send him to the minority junior event. Let his experiences there lead him to his decision as to whether to apply for admission.</p>
<p>sounds to me that this adcom is really interested in having your son apply, which is great…I would think that is somewhat appealing/flattering to a hs junior. I’d have him go to the event and talk with his sister about what this adcom is telling her. if there is that much personal interest it is possible his chances are better than you are aware.</p>
<p>that said, my s at a top lac, encouraged my d to apply to his school. after visiting at his family wknd last fall she decided, nope, not the right fit for me. she found her own top lac that was a perfect match for her.</p>
<p>If he goes to the event, and likes it enough, it might motivate him to improve his grades as well. No reason not to apply. If he had no chance, the admissions counselor would not be so involved.</p>
<p>I hope you’ll let him attend the event. I do agree with Marian that no one should attend a school where they do not feel they could handle the work. If your son does apply for admission, if there is concern over his ability to handle the work then he will either be rejected or perhaps will be accepted with a “bridge” type program to help him make the adjustment to academics. I’ve seen that happening at a number of schools. Or he could attend the event and then work his tail off and bring his GPA up. And be accepted and attend with no problems in the academic area. Don’t worry about him taking someone else’s spot. They’ll make room.</p>
<p>I would let him attend. </p>
<p>This is his Junior year. It’s the time to be putting together a list and this school will go under “reach.” If he likes certain things about the school, encourage him to look for those same things at other schools for matches and safties.</p>
<p>Not in connection to this event, but in general conversations, be sure to cover the fact that invitations to events and even to apply are not guarenteed admissions.</p>
<p>I would definitely encourage him to attend since they are interested in him and trust him to find his way to what and where he wants to go. And I think it is VERY important to be cautious about “predicting” who will do well where (especially for boys who often mature later than girls). It is so important to make room for kids to surprise you. It is also true that good LACs (even competitive ones) have a kids with a range of abilities and kids find their own path to success. It is risky to “protect” kids from failure. (Carol Dweck at Stanford has some fascinating work on the differences between “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset” if you are interested in this general topic)</p>
<p>He may go and find he really wants to be there or come to definitely know he doesn’t and this is a good time for that.</p>
<p>I’d definitely let him attend, especially since he’s a laid back kid. The exposure to the college environment will help him to “keep his eye on the prize” during his crucial junior year and may help him find the motivation to give a little extra effort. I don’t think you need to worry about applying just yet…who knows what may happen between now and next Fall?</p>
<p>Would it be a good idea to have him sit in on a couple of classes with his sister? Maybe she’s taking a couple of non-400-level classes this semester. He could start to judge how difficult the school is and whether he might struggle or not.</p>
<p>If you truly feel that the sibs school is not right for your son, you could gently tell the admissions person how much you appreciate the personal attention…but that your son has decided against attending his older sib’s college because he does not want to be on the same campus with her because he wants to strike out on his own.</p>
<p>I mention this because this is precisely how my own boys felt. S2 did not even want to look at the same schools S1 had looked at…as far as S3, he really liked S2’s college, and in many ways he would have been happy to go there. He applied to it and got in EA, but never really considered attending because he wanted to be totally independent with no family history preceding him. He was tired of being addressed by his older brothers’ names, and even though this would have been unlikely in the college environment, it was one of the lines he drew in the sand. S3 applied to the school he liked best for a variety of very good reasons, and never looked back.</p>
<p>boysx3,</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Are you’re suggesting that the mother make the decision but not take responsibility for it by pretending her son made the decision? By lying about it? Do I understand you correctly?</p>
<p>If, as you say, he would love to attend, and if he’s just starting junior year…I’d encourage him to go. It might be incentive to bring those grades up this year, and it is easier for boys than girls, and the counselor is asking… What could the harm be? Let him go-- he might surprise you, they might surprise you, and its too early to be sure of anything anyway.</p>