<p>To be honest, I'm not at all impressed with the writing style. It's not Harvard quality. There are some really awkward transitions - you need to smooth it out to make it flow better. And shorten the unrelated technical stuff...there's really no need for it. I don't think anyone will doubt your knowledge of aquariums so you don't have to ramble on about how they're set up. Like everyone else said, talk more about YOURSELF and less about the fish. Expand on what it is about aquariums that intrigues you...What have you learned on a broader scale from the experience of keeping these creatures alive?</p>