<p>My son (9th grade) is now totally into applying to a variety of boarding schools for 10-12 grades. I don't think we have the $$ for it (even w/merit & need aid) and I don't know whether to allow him to continue visiting/applying in light of this? (maybe cruel to get his hopes up...but maybe there's a teeny chance he'd get enough aid??). </p>
<p>Son is extremely motivated on this -- says there's no problem w/his current school -- just wants a "better more challenging eduction."</p>
<p>Although it's great to see son working toward an academic goal...I'm almost ready to pull the plug on traveling to these luxe, $35k a year campuses to visit. [plus, honestly, I <em>really</em> hate to think of my 14 year old living away from home, despite the academic/social opportunities!!]</p>
<p>Appreciate any thoughts; the insights here are always so helpful. :-)_</p>
<p>I happen to be a big believer in boarding school for the right kid, but I can't really comment on your financial situation. It is important to go see the school and interview. Schools have different personalities, and you and your son will need to visit to determine the right fit. Maybe you should be working with a good educational consultant who might have better information on what might work financially. She or he can help you narrow the list. My son is a senior at an east coast boarding school, and I honestly believe he is in an environment superior to that of our local community. We have missed him a lot, but it has been worth it. Last weekend I was up there and watched him interact with some of the freshman on his team. The freshman seem really young, but the parents told me that their kids are thriving at the school and that my son has been wonderful to them (a shock to me, since S is not known as the Great Nurturer).</p>
<p>Not a boarding, but a private school--I know of a child who did not want to attend our public hs. He took charge of it himself. Parents did not spend a dime. He found a good private hs in NYC (through the Nazarene Church). He received a full scholarship. He lives about 30 minutes away and commuted by bus from a suburb. Got into a good undergrad program, and from there med school.</p>
<p>You don't know how affordable it is until you apply for financial aid, so at least go that far through the process. It's better to set aside a plan after thoroughly investigating it than before you're even sure what the trade-offs of different plans are.</p>
<p>That was my original take: "never shut a door, explore all opportunities," etc.</p>
<p>But, now that we've visited one (high end) school and found out just how unlikely they are to give full-ride merit scholarship (only 3 given out in past 12 years! last one to a kid who founded an international organization & ran his own biz!) I'm discouraged on the financial.</p>
<p>It's also a big effort to travel to these schools, tour, interview, fill out big applications, get recs... (basically, like the college app process, but three years earlier...). And the schools are so incredibly luxe that <em>of course</em> son thinks they are awesome and wants to go all the more. :-(</p>
<p>Maybe I'll go back to my original "check it all out first" philosophy...given that others seem to agree... :-)</p>
<p>From a student perspective.....the looking at schools will ultimately help in your college search. That alone is reason enough to go through the process. I had a great experience in the "looking" and learned much about myself.</p>
<p>I'm a parent in a similar situation (I think) and we won't know the outcome until next spring (d. is applying to 3 b.s.)</p>
<p>I feel about this process the same as I did when s. applied to colleges - no matter what the outcome, you learn things about yourself and the world. I do think it's important that the students realize there are two components to their attending a b.s. - they must be admitted and the aid must be workable for the family. If you keep that in mind I do think you can deal with disappointment (if s. is rejected or aid is inadequate)or separation (if s. attends). If your s. is admitted, you'll have time to do a re-visit so you can get a better feel for that life. I'm focussing on the things that are before us right now - we've finished the visits and now d. has the SSAT in December and her applications to do. Worrying about acceptance and paying will come after January.</p>
<p>I don't know of any calculators that help parents estimate the aid they could receive from secondary schools. There are some (on cc and maybe College Board or Princeton Review) that I found to be in the ball park for college. Maybe there are some out there.</p>
<p>I personally could not send my kid away. We know a lot of families with kids in bs and I don;t think it's a wholesome environment, too many troubled kids IMHO. Too much freedom at a time when you should be shaping their character. All of this is my opinion, no flames from fans of bs. Find a good private day school.</p>
<p>I can fully understand your feelings about not being able to send your child to BS but I disagree w/ your comment about too many "troubled kids". I didn't see that at the school I attended.</p>
<p>One of the reasons our son went to boarding school in the first place was because of all the troubled kids at his prep day school at home! You will also provide that while the boarding school environment does provide independence, there is really NOT "too much freedom". In fact, you are subject to some rather strict rules 24/7. Another plus is the absence of cars...... I felt that my son was safer at boarding school than at home.</p>
<p>Most of these schools only give aid based on financial need, so don't let that stop you. We applied to 9 schools, all in the 30K range (4 years ago). My daughter was rejected from several, admitted to one where she was waitlisted for financial aid, admitted to one with no financial aid award, another gave her 18K in aid (where she attends now), another did not admit her because they couldn't meet any aid, etc. It's really all over the place. The higher end the school, the larger the endowment fund, so don't be overwhelmed by your visit. I firmly believe that if a school really wants your kid, they come up with the cash! You can fill out the financial aid forms now (I think) and send them, but make sure you include a family report so you'll get a copy and know what the numbers spit out as your EFC. I suggest communicating openly with the respective school financial aid departments BEFORE filling out the forms. A key factor is the question asking how much your family can afford to pay. I was clueless on this one and wished I'd discussed it beforehand.</p>
<p>My D too is apply to boarding school to be in an environment with teens who are more academically motivated. Even in a private day school now, she often finds that quite a few of her peers are not really motivated to learn; and she is doing peer tutoring of her classmates in even some basic HS subjects such as chemistry and biology. Also, drinking is becoming a problem in the day school. I can't imagine that boarding school kids are any more "troubled" than teens at other schools.</p>
<p>Thanks a lot for those added insights! I wasn't worried too much about the 'troubled student' aspect (at least now!). I think the (few) kids I know who attend are all around great students/people.</p>
<p>I'm more worried (beyond the financial) of a lessening of the close rel'p between my son & I and the rest of the family (including his adoring 4 yr old sister). I also wonder (a little) about him falling under the influence of people w/more materialistic/less spiritual world views. I wouldn't imagine the kids were overtly troubled. I just thought about the more subtle influences from people he'd be with 24/7 (instead of family!!!) [although, then again, plenty of his pub. school friends are pretty materialistic..!]</p>
<p>Sending my D to BS was the best thing we've ever done as parents. Yes, we've missed out on being with her every day, but the sacrifice was worth it in exchange for the educational experience she's had. We have no regrets about sending her away. The facilities and teachers are top notch. Her classes usually have 10-15 students and the teachers are accessible. Most teachers live in dorms or on campus with their families and take meals with the kids. The kids wait tables at sit-down dinner once per week, and on Sunday night they clean dorm bathrooms and common areas. D has to live by more stringent rules than at home, yet she has far more freedom and privileges than we would ever have allowed. The rules and freedoms are evenly applied, so kids learn to balance merits/demerits and live with the consequences. She's had travel opportunities and outdoor adventures that wouldn't have been available at home. I'll never forget the first week of 9th grade when my daughter called me to tell me she viewed DNA under the microscope. Ask the schools for some parent/student references and you'll hear more of the same.</p>
<p>one more note: use of alcohol and drugs mirrors any other average high school in the outside world. We asked these kinds of questions of the kids who toured us. The brighter the tour guide, the more honest they were. Peer pressure is a huge factor, but your kid will make the decision to use or not. Be sure you get your son a cell phone and call him every night whether he likes it or not!</p>
<p>Is your son athletic? Many boarding schools like athletes. </p>
<p>There are first rate boarding schools (Andover, Exeter, and a few others) and there are other boarding schools. Many of the "other" schools have troubled kids who were removed from the first rate schools. (My S and D went to the second-tier schools and got great educations. They are second tier only in the sense that they fight to fill those boarding school beds and often have vacancies in the boarding school while having an overenrollment in the associated day school.)</p>
<p>Thank you, Hazmat. Actually, I been reading postings on this site for some time, and have learned from the wisdom of the posters! Even tough the bs experience will be new for our family, we are really looking forward to it. We have been quite impressed at the (northeast) schools we have visited so far. Right now we are focusing on schools that have some structure such as chapel and seated meals, in order to assure tht our D maintains certain values. However, we are also looking at less structured schools as well, especially the ones that are tops academically. We're (hopeful!) that our D is grounded enough to make the "right" choices regardless of where she is.</p>