That seems to be the OP’s case – the state flagship appears to the OP to be by far the best combination of affordability, quality, and reasonable chance for admission.
^ Exactly. Need met for all in state students plus no travelling cost.
Yes, that’s why it is hard to consider other schools with higher cost.
No one at the big school will compare her to her sister. Is the family comparing? Tell her she’s on her own great path!
As a younger sibling, I know I was always comparing. Even now I think my sister knows more than I do!
Mine are close in age, a year apart in school. Differently driven, but friends. Both have long seen the positives in being the other’s sister. And the frustrations, of course.
They went to the same LAC. Some overlap in friends, but different academic goals. (I think they only had one class in common, taken separately.)
Neither worried about the connection. Each felt she was there on her own path, that the experience was hers. And OP is talking about a university with more than 20x the number of students. Different depts. And one D will leave before the other starts.
That’s just our tale. But if one of mine worried about comparisons do the other, I would have pointed out it’s her own experience, to choose based on what’s right for her, not turn down what could be a great choice, for her. That it isn’t like hs, where a sib’s rep can follow you.
Good luck with this.
My D never wanted to be on the same path that my son took. They were friendly to each other but my D usually wanted to show her independence.
DS18 driven, knew exactly what he wanted to major in, 8 APs with all 5s, high SAT scores; developed a spread sheet of his college choices, application dates etc. Just finished freshman year with 4.0 even with pledging a frat,
lots of clubs etc…DD 16 feels she needs to be “as good as big bro”, has all the AP classes, waiting for scores; but lower SATs; she has had little interest in college visits, has no idea what she wants to major in, needed pushing to research schools etc… I am sure she will get it together but at times she frustrates the heck out of me!
Most of us ‘force’ out kids to go to the same high schools where they will often have the same teachers, be called by the sibling’s name, actually be compared to the sibling. We do not steer the second child to another high school, to a private one or perhaps a magnet at school farther from home. If there is any comparison going on with kids attending the same college, it is internal and I don’t think it is going to matter if they go to the same college, there is still going to be the feeling that Big Sis was smarter or taller or prettier.
My kids both said they wanted to go to different schools. Now that they have, they admit it would have been fine if they’d gone to the same school. Their schools are very different and their reasons for picking them very different. They could have gone to a big flagship and academically met their needs, but one is an athlete and she wouldn’t have been able to play at a big flagship.
OP, could D#1 reassure D#2 that there won’t be comparisons like in high school? I’ve seen many threads here in which high school students are reluctant to go to colleges where lots of their high school classmates will attend. But high school and college are such different settings that it’s seldom if ever an issue. And even more so with the size of the flagship, different majors, and the fact that both wouldn’t be in attendance at the same time.
(Note that I say this as the mother of one. But one who attended a high school so big that she once told me that if she got sick of all her friends, she could sit in the other side of the gigantic cafeteria and meet all new people.)
In my area, there is little choice for HS unless you choose cross district transfer or private. It is not possible if transportation is required.
billcsho, I’m pretty sure that the state flagship you are talking about is the same one my S went to. I totally understand where you are coming from because it is such a great school. Really hard to beat if you are instate because it is hard to match the quality for the price. My D also didn’t want to go there for various reasons. She wanted to go to a smaller school and she wanted to forge her own path outside of her brother’s shadow. She knew that they would likely never cross paths and that she would be in a different school and major so professors would not know her as her brother’s sister like teachers in HS did. But it was more the perception to her and how she felt about herself that mattered. She wanted to feel independent and that she was forging her own path.
We could not afford full pay privates and do not qualify for need based aid so we encouraged her to look for merit aid at LACs and gave her financial parameters to stay within. She is at an academically strong but not prestigious midwestern LAC. She loves it and she is thriving! She has gotten great opportunities and has taken advantage of the benefits of a small school. I had some small pangs throughout the application process because I know our in state flagship is a more elite school but she has gotten other advantages that come from being at a small school and made the right choice for her. She did apply to the state flagship and said she could be happy there if that’s where she ended up but it was not her first choice.
It’s a LARGE flagship university. Right? The likelihood of two siblings being compared to one another is VERY small…very.
It is not high school.
I think your second daughter can put that problem right out of her head.
Our two were very different.
S1 - precocious taught himself to read at 2, figured out multiplication at 4 skyhigh SAT scores, got A’s in his sleep, discovered computers at age 6 and never looked back. He’s not exactly anti-social, but he’s not user friendly. He was looking for top CS programs and a nerdy vibe.
S2 - didn’t read till 2nd grade when he suddenly could read Harry Potter overnight. All through school seemed to be 6 months behind the programs. Tested for LDs in 5th grade. Nothing specific found, but his WISC scores went from topping out the test to very average. He actually did pretty well in high school -(top 6%), math SAT score was 100 points less than the verbal one (which was almost perfect.) He’s very much a people person, and was always very observant about how people behave. Majored in international relations, tried some NGOs and then became a Navy officer. Not a single college his older brother looked at was appropriate for him.
We didn’t look at the SUNYs for either kid however.
FWIW, both my younger brothers also went to Havard. I overlapped with the older of two, and hardly ever saw him. We had very different majors, didn’t live in the same houses. The one thing we all did was take the same drawing class. The prof who taught it thought it was pretty funny. We are all good with our hands and good at math.
Just had another conversation with D2 yesterday after I learned from another thread the August test centers for SAT is getting full already. She said it would be okay if she needs to go to the same state flagship as her sister. However, she really wants to try some need met reach schools also. Because of that, now she wants to take the SAT2 to improve her chances even she has a good ACT score that would waive the SAT2 requirement at one of the reach schools she is considering to apply. Around half of the test centers for August SAT2 in our area are already full as there are not many centers offering the August test. The same applies to SAT1 August test.
Isn’t there a SAT testing in September or early October she could take?
@thumper1 For subject test, one should not wait too long after finishing the course. There is no September test. The next test available after August is early October and that should be the time focusing on her EA application. The August test is new this year.
Yes, child one and two are very different. Child one was a much better candidate on paper but we literally DRAGGED her through the application process due to anxiety. She wouldn’t re-test. She could never tell me what she wanted and was a snob about schools. Instead of telling me she would not go to a certain school, she would passive aggressively miss deadlines and “forget” to do things. Pissed the hell out of me to be honest but I had to keep my cool because my reactions could exacerbate the issue. She at least ended up in a college she LOVES with a full tuition scholarship. Set to graduate with honors next year. For all the hand-holding she needed applying, I literally do nothing but pay the housing fee when it comes around now.
Child two is far easier to work with. He jumps on anything I ask from him. He’s eager to talk college. He’s flexible about schools and totally pragmatic when it comes to finances. His test scores are higher than his sister but his GPA is a lack-luster 3.6 unweighted and in a school that only weights a handful of classes which he’s taken but don’t alter the gpa that much. He’s been devoted to his activities but they aren’t nearly as impressive or time consuming as our eldest. He has chosen work over school clubs and such which means, no lovely leadership titles. He’s going to do great in college but I’m a little stressed about getting him into one we can afford since he won’t be up for big merit and may not be able to get into a full needs school. He may be at the local state and living at home which I know he will do if needed without complaint but I will feel bad for.
So yes, both were both easier and harder if that makes any sense!
Wanting to try for some others is fine. But maybe now’s the time to make sure you’re rational with her about finances and no “dream” schools.
Parts of this sound more like that ‘trying’ than turning her back on the flagship. Not settling into a first choice now, not shutting down the hunt but exploring a bit more. I don’t think that’s bad. Plus there’s a parent-child bonding possible, when the talk is (still) open.
Remember how much kids change between now and Sept, then by December.
Of course your younger daughter doesn’t want to be constantly compared with her older sister, especially if her older sister is more academically focused and disciplined than she is. The bit about how she did poorly on her practice SATs but then knocked it out of the park on her real SAT says a lot about her. It sounds like she’s highly gifted but never wants to try for anything for fear of failing (e.g. not measuring up to big sis). So if she pretends like she doesn’t care about any of it and is more interested in social stuff, nobody can say that she tried to be as good as her sister but she just can’t measure up. And if she does score well on tests, well, that just kind of happened; it wasn’t because she was actually trying or anything.
This is a very understandable attitude (and very common in younger siblings of focused and driven older sibs). Hopefully once she gets out of the house and into college she will stop living her life as a counter-narrative to her sister’s life. But you (and the rest of her family – grandparents, etc.) – MUST STOP comparing the two of them. The mere fact that you started this thread tells me that you DO compare the two of them all the time. How do you think that feels to your younger D? No wonder she’s decided to simply get out of that rat race.
Please, try to learn to appreciate her for who she is. Academics aren’t everything in life.