Huge dilemma!!

Parents Forum
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<p>I wasn't sure where to post this but need some advice from the wise members of CC.</p>

<p>I was accepted to all but one college on my list. I am extremely happy but confused as to where I should commit to. Let me add that I had no expectations of being accepted to any of the schools. There are so many students applying with so few seats available. So I visited, did the research, liked what I saw, interviewed with 5 schools in August & I applied RD. </p>

<p>I was accepted to Williams College, Amherst College, Trinity College, Conn College, Howard U, Dartmouth, UPENN, UNC-Chapel Hill & Yale. Brown was a rejection. Needless to say, I was shocked by my acceptance to Yale. I applied at the insistence of my family, friends & teachers. Never did I think I would be admitted. I knew that the acceptance rates were incredibly low and even though my app was great, I knew that everyone else's was as well.</p>

<p>My issue is this, I live just a short car ride from Yale. Literally. I am on the fence about attending because it is so close. I know that I will receive a wonderful education, but I worry that I won't be able to learn about life and grow being 3 minutes from home. I was dead set against it originally, I really want out of my home town. But my mother asked me to make a mature decision about it and refrain from impulsivity. Everyone is telling me that Yale is the place for me. </p>

<p>I would love the advice of strangers. Thank you.</p>

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<p>So your problem is that you got into Yale (which is too close) and a bunch of second-tier schools? I can see why that would be a dilemma.</p>

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<p>I thinnk it could work out as long as you lived on campus and set some ground rules with your family - like no visits (excepts for emergencies) until vacation time or Parents Weekend, just like for everyone else. Do you think that would work for you? Do you think your parents would respect that, or are they the type that would be offended that you don’t visit more often when you are so close by?</p>

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<p>I know everyone on the pedigree train will tell you Yale…but seriously, it is by FAR the best school you got into.</p>

<p>It depends what you want to study. For example, if you told me you wanted to do engineering or finance, Penn might be the better choice for you, despite giving up some prestige. What about costs?</p>

<p>Can you live on campus if you stay in New Haven? Will your family give you space? If so, don’t feel the need to get far away from home to achieve independence.</p>

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<p>Would you choose Yale if it was 3 hours away from home instead of 3 minutes? If so, why? Is it because it’s the best choice for you or because it’s the most prestigious? You’re smart; you see where I’m going with this. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>You’ve got some great choices there, but those are also some very different schools! Take this wonderful opportunity to really think about what you want in the next four years and beyond and what’s the best way to get that. </p>

<p>Oh…and congrats!</p>

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<p>You clearly have wonderful choices. If you want to say Ivy, but get away from home, U Penn is certainly a great school. The LACs are a different atmosphere, so look at what you want to study and where you would feel most comfotable - is a city a must? A bigger school? I can understand not wanting to go to college so close to home and giving up Yale for one of you other choices could still be a mature and well-reasoned decision. However, you may be able to better convince your family if you have reasons beyond location. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Crookshanks, wow, good for you! I am impressed by you,especially since you were surprised to get into such great schools rather than an expectation. I think you will do well anywhere, so enjoy the process, and find the best fit for you.</p>

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<p>Congratulations on the lovely dilemma! I guess I’m less dazzled by the Yale name than others here. Assuming they fit the bill financially, academically, location-wise (so different), etc., I think Brown or Dartmouth would be fabulous choices and hardly a blot on your resume! Providence is a great city, head and shoulders over New Haven, which you must know like the back of your hand, and exploring a new town is a great way to spend your free time. Boston is within reach on the weekends. At Dartmouth you’d be in a whole new environment and could participate in winter sports. But as I write this, I’m thinking how very different Dartmouth and Brown are. Have you visited both? Do you have a preference? I think this dilemma would be easier to address if you chose the ONE school that is Yale’s biggest rival in your affections and explored the case for and against it, for the benefit of both yourself and your parents. (No one else’s opinion matters.)</p>

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<p>I knew a student who lived in Princeton and had a similar dilemma. H wound up choosing Brown and was miserable because from an academic point of view he made a mistake. He thought he would try to transfer to Princeton the next year, which of course is impossible. </p>

<p>He really wanted to get away from home, which is understandable. The things you miss out on by staying close to home is about more than being too close to family. You will miss the exploration of a new area, a new lifestyle etc. Going to the same places to eat, or listen to music that you have your whole life isn’t that exciting I know, but you have to look at the whole picture. </p>

<p>I guess I am trying to say take the proximity to home out of the equation and see if you would pick Yale. If so, see if there is a way to make the negative of being home workable as others have suggested. </p>

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<p>It would be helpful to know your academic and EC interests, possible major, and personality type. You can’t go wrong with that list, so it really is a matter of determining what you need in a school and which suits you best. We are very close to one of the Ivies, and my D did not choose it for that reason, so I understand why you feel as you do.</p>

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<p>Crookshanks, love your name! Congratulations, and how nice to have such a wonderful dilemma.</p>

<p>My oldest went to a University 30 miles away, and we all simply pretended that he was 300 miles away. We promised there would be no drop-ins, and he promised he wouldn’t come home every weekend. It worked out fine.</p>

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<p>Thank you for your wonderful responses! This is by far the toughest decision of my life. I plan to study The Classics and take the required courses for medical school. I felt that each school has a strong classics department & also applied to schools that would give good FA(I knew that UNCs acceptance of an OOS was another long shot). I am low income so a solid FA package was very important in my search. This is why my list is so top heavy.</p>

<p>My mom has promised to let me spread my wings and not violate my space should I decide to stay. She never went to college and still regrets it. She wants me to have a wonderful college experience and respects me as a young adult. My dad and I have no relationship so that is a nonissue. My older brother has threatened to pop in, but I doubt that will happen. He lives on his own and has his own life. I can deal with other family members who would not respect my space. </p>

<p>I also wonder how it will be to run into my past each time I step off campus. Not a huge dilemma, but something to consider. I wonder how it will feel to have these diametrically opposed worlds collide…the Ivy League and the gritty inner city.</p>

<p>The more in think about it, I wonder if I will be happy in a rural setting. I visited Williams last fall & fell in love. But will being tucked away in the Berkshires get old quick? The same goes for Dartmouth. Again, a great campus, but is it too rural? </p>

<p>@keepittoyourself, to be honest, I don’t see any of the schools as top tier or 2nd tier. They each have wonderful qualities & will provide a wonderful education. Each speaks to me and love them the same.</p>

<p>Yes, I will live on campus! I fell in love with Yale’s residential college system(Go Hogwarts!!) it’s a requirement for freshman & sophomores. Maybe beyond? I can’t recall.</p>

<p>As far as cost. Dartmouth has given an amazing FA package. I will only have to pay $2700/year. Trinity, Amherst & Conn College are a few more thousand/year. Howard would be $11,000 in loans/year and UNC would be $8,000 in loans/year. I haven’t heard back from Yale, UPENN or Williams FA offices yet. I didn’t realize that I needed the NCP waiver for them and had to get the waivers sent off.</p>

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<p>Run the numbers here: <a href=“Your Guide for College Financial Aid - Finaid”>Your Guide for College Financial Aid - Finaid; </p>

<p>You can’t afford Howard. You can’t borrow that much on your own, so your mom would have to take on some debt for you. Very dumb idea.</p>

<p>UNC has a big loan package too. Does that include both Stafford and Perkins? The Stafford maximum (some might be subsidized loans) for freshman year is $5,500. I can’t recall what the max for Perkins is.</p>

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<p>Brown was a rejection. My ECs are aquarium docent, literacy volunteer, teachers aide at the Yale Peabody Museum(an after school STEM program), a college admissions peer leader for other first generation students. I work at a vegetarian restaurant part time…</p>

<p>Wow…my personality? I’m an introvert & an extrovert. I love people, yet adore being alone, I love cheering on my high schools sports teams, an avid reader, lover of the under dog, a great code switcher, Harry Potter has been my BFF since childhood, I love community service and have worked with Habitat for Humanity. I have a very diverse group of friends racially & socioeconomically. I haven’t played sports since middle school because I’m a bit clutzy. I’m almost 6’0 tall so I always get asked if I’m a model or if I play bb. I am thinking of an intramural sport during college…</p>

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<p>Congratulations! Those are some great choices for a terrific education. For your decision, It really depends on what experience you want in college, what you want to study and if finances come into play with the different offers. I suggest you narrow your choices to 3-4 schools. Then go to the accepted students days, stay overnight, meet the students and the professors, learn more about the opportunities at each school and the departments where you have interest. After you have this information, you may have a sense of what school is the best fit and whether or not it matters if you are close to home.</p>

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<p>I went to an Ivy in my home town ages ago (not NYC or Philly), lived on campus, and enjoyed the best four years of my life. Familiarity with the environs probably gave me a little edge as a freshman. But because it worked for me does not mean it would work for anyone else. This is more about you than it is about Yale and New Haven. And you know more about you than any posters on CC do. Let your self-awareness call the shot, I would say.</p>

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<p>If Yale is anything like the Dartmouth price, just go to New Haven and make the best of the situation. You’ll have plenty to learn and explore there and through your opportunities after.</p>

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<p>Med school unlike undergrad does not have many merit awards or grant money for funding. It is mostly loans. Go look at how much tuition and fees along with COL is for four years of med school. Many have $250,000 loans when done with med school. Then looking at 4-7 years of residency.</p>

<p>Point being mitigate the amount of loans you need for undergrad. Keep them as low as possible. Don’t make any decisions until you see the three remaining financial aid packages. Those look like they will be full-need, no loan schools. I expected Dartmouth’s to be what you received.</p>

<p><a href=“If you are in high school, please read this before posting - Pre-Med Topics - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1484178-if-you-are-in-high-school-please-read-this-before-posting-p1.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Please read this thread and some of the other stickies on the pre-med forum. There are literal dozens upon dozens of these questions every year for possible pre-meds.</p>

<p>From my personal experience son was also pre-med and for his undergrad he was in a very similiar situation to yours. Similiar in same acceptances except princeton instead of yale, swat instead of williams, but amherst, MIT and CalTech, dartmouth, penn, UNC, Vandy, Duke…couple of others. Very low EFC.</p>

<p>Once they all came in with the aid packages, he drew up a chart with all the numbers and figured out the out-of-pocket for him for each year. Include the work study, summer contribution (it goes up each year), how the schools apply outside scholies, cost for books and transportation and then correlate that to what is the best fit for you.</p>

<p>Have you visited all the schools yet that you are seriously considering? If not will you? Where you admitted to any special programs within each university? Honors college? Or at Penn the M&T program?</p>

<p>Son was not a bio/chem major at p’ton but rather an economics major with a helenic studies certificate program (minor). He remained pre-med and is now completing his third year of medical school with a very minimal amount of loans for med school. He receives a full tuition scholie+fees, a very rare occurance for med school. This is why he was so very careful minimizing any loans for undergrad (he ended up with $0).</p>

<p>Take your time, you have until May. Don’t rush this. And don’t cut off your nose to spite your face with the issue of Yale being so very close. You have been truly given a gift of an opportunity. “To whom much has been given much is expected” and in our household it was much is demanded.</p>

<p>Again draw up a list and carefully add up the numbers, and were you will “fit”. And “fit” doesn’t have to be where you are comfortable but rather where you will grow the most as a person, a scholar and a steward of the education you are being offered. </p>

<p>And congrats. You deserve this.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

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<p>College kids get caught up in campus life and really don’t see their folks much even when they live close by. </p>

<p>Did you want to experience a different place? </p>

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<p>Again, thank you all for your input. And the kind words!! So much to consider! </p>

<p>@katwlittens, no special programs. </p>

<p>@lizardly, yes, I did want to experience a different place & never ever expected to have to make this decision about staying so close to home. I joked with my mom as I hit submit on the CA and said I should probably apply to our local CC. So weird, I have to keep pinching myself.</p>

<p>@momof1 I plan on a few overnight visits but hate to miss so much school. I already took a a bunch of days off in the fall during my search. I will have to pick wisely and go with the schools that have given the best FA package. I have a fellow classmate whose dad is a professor at Yale & the master of a residential college, I may try to stay with them if Bulldog days conflicts with another schools events. I agree, Howard & UNC are too much. UNC is actually better than we expected. </p>

<p>Again, thank you all…you have all given me so much to consider.</p>