Humble to a fault?

Colleges & Universities A-Z Tufts University
1

<p>I don't think my son toots his own horn nearly enough. He has never been a braggart and has always felt action speaks louder than words. Additionally, he would be considered a very private person and while it's not about trust per say, it is not easy for him to open up. Mostly I can appreciate this about him hugely and find it a bonus to his character to "walk the talk without ever saying a word" (his words not mine). </p>

<p>While I am sure a lot of men (young and old) fall into this "non-sharer" category, the college admissions process wouldn't seem to work in their favor. Even telling him to use his above quote as a starting point leaves him struggling to answer the "use the richness of your life to tell us who you are." In the end, while on some level I am sure he barely knows who he is yet (since I am in my mid-40's and can barely answer), secondly, he (like his father) is somewhat hampered in knowing how to use language to express his depth. </p>

<p>Beyond the Tufts supplement as well, therefore, does anyone have any suggestions to help a young man really reveal himself to strangers in an admission office when he's not used to talking up his strengths regardless and certainly not for the benefit of himself.</p>

<p>OR should he just say it's harder for him and explain why or why he thinks it is. </p>

<p>Bottom line is I am having a horrible time helping him brainstorm approaches when I know how exceptionally deep he truly is, but that unless you know him, you might not get that by what he says or reveals. And his rough drafts so far seem awfully superficial, especially considering, again, who is evolving himself to be.</p>

<p>Ramble over.. :) Just need help (on more than one level, obviously).</p>

2

<p>The thing is that it is extremely important to be who you are in your essays. I’m sarcastic, I used sarcasm in my essay. You have to find the right medium. Why don’t you tell him the qualities he ought to mention, because you don’t want his inability to express who he is on paper to be used against him.</p>

3

<p>Right! You hit the nail on the head. I tried to tell him all the things he ought to put forth and he things it’s bragging. I say, if not you than who? And his response is that that’s what recs are supposed to do. Of course, I am sure he has great recs especially in leadership, but you can’t know for sure. I rather like the idea of encouraging his sarcasm, something I typically don’t encourage for obvious reasons. :slight_smile: But he is HUGELY sarcastic, in fact the whole family is sarcastic. Trouble is, that can sometimes get lost in translation.</p>

4

<p>This must be a boy issue, because my DS1 sounds like a carbon copy of yours. </p>

<p>He actually wrote a very sarcastic essay about the entire process of accolades, which he did not use. Had he been able to read it to someone aloud, I think his personality would have conveyed the humor/sarcasm. But, flat on the page - it was edgy and bordering on critical… who knows???</p>

5

<p>Hmm, I don’t know if it’s a boy thing. But some people are just not that open. I am an exception to the boy rule, assuming it exists. I love to write (that’s also what it comes down to). Does he like to write? </p>

<p>I think the Tufts essay are a lot of fun to write. I wrote, and re-wrote them, and the essays were all I pretty much did in the month of October. </p>

<p>Encourage his sarcasm. In my opinion, I am going to have great recommendation letters too. But the thing is, I’m not sure how many “great” recs the AdCom gets every year so it’s crucial that he be himself, because there is no room for shying away. It’s not bragging unless the essay is like “Well, I am in AP English, and I scored the highest on my exam.” and you just keep going on and on about how great you are.</p>

6

<p>In addition, it also depends on his SAT scores and GPA too. Is he in the ballpark? I, unfortunately was (am) below the Tufts “standard” for SAT, and so I had to make my essays extra-great so that it would all possibly balance out. But regardless, essays I hear are so important for Tufts.</p>

7

<p>We will see when the results are out. I think he is in the ballpark but not clearly hitting one out over the right field wall. I am keeping fingers and toes crossed for a positive outcome.</p>

8

<p>The boy thing, for those of you watching at home, is real. Are young male applicants (when looked at in aggregate) seem to struggle a little more with finding their voice and exercising comfort when speaking about their own lives. Obviously, there are many, many, many exceptions to this.</p>

<p>For the mothers reading: I write this as a partially reformed, sarcastic, at times caustic, formerly inexpressive 17-year-old-male.</p>

<p>My advice for my former brethren is to know that YOU ARE YOUR OWN AUDIENCE. The easiest way to write something that captures energy, excitement, expression is to write about that which makes you energized, excited, and expressive. I remember my own high school experience, and how often I was uninterested in the essays which were assigned to me. Sometimes I would try to spice up those essays, but I learned using my range of ‘expression’ in high school was often a recipe for disaster with my teachers. So I developed habits that muted my voice even when I didn’t want to be muted. I wrote for them, not for me. And over time, that sort of almost-apathetic writing, geared specifically for my teachers, became my dominant written voice. </p>

<p>Your son should write these essays for himself. He should make himself laugh, and forget about his audience (at least when writing first drafts or fleshing out early ideas). Let him be crude or make questionable jokes and obscure pop-culture references on paper to help him get in the habit of writing with his voice, instead of the voice he thinks his teachers want. If it turns out his unleashed perspective goes over the line, then you can dial it back a little (only a little). But how enviable a position to be in where you must ratchet your voice down rather than up? </p>

<p>All this comes with one major caveat. Most sarcastic essays I read are (frankly) pretty fun, but every now and then I’ll come across an applicant who I know is shooting for sarcasm or humor and instead just sounds bitter, negative, and angry. Those are three adjectives you don’t want showing up in juxtaposition to your name. Edgy, however, is a good thing in our process.</p>

9

<p>Will defer to Dan on any and all suggestions regarding essays, but will offer what S1 did when he applied. Tufts was his first choice, and he spent a LOT of time on the essays, except perhaps the optional one, which he wrote in just one evening (which of course ended up being the one that admissions liked best).
He’d read examples of favorable essays that Tufts and other schools had published online, and just couldn’t relate. He thought many of the authors were trying too hard to appear quirky and unique. He had no “Aha!” moment to write about, no unique interests or experiences with different cultures or foreign countries-- so that’s the route he took – sort of a regular suburban teenager thing (it wasn’t as defensive as it sounds). At least he felt comfortable with it.</p>

<p>He made the short essays the personal ones, and for the long one did a really in-depth one about a historical figure which brought together his love of history and volunteer work. He found it much easier to write about himself somewhat indirectly. Hope this helps. It IS pretty weird to be in the position to have to toot your own horn.</p>

10

<p>^^^ Good advice.</p>