<p>Well, its been awhile and for once I am back with some good news though I will be the first to say I know we have to take it day by day. My son is in a residential treatment center, and though the first week wanted desperately to leave, now after a month of being there, is actually thanking us for sending him and feels better about himself than he has IN YEARS. He sounds and looks like he did years ago, it positively warms my heart.
He is finally on meds for the anxiety and depression and is pot free. It is a turning point for sure but the real challenge will be when he comes home and to ease his way back into every day life. Its been an incredible series of events and at times I have felt numb through much of it, but felt it was the only way I could cope with the situation. For the first time in a long time, I feel hopeful again, but is cautious optimism and I know we still have a long road ahead of us. But sending him there was the best thing we could have ever done for him (and for our family)
My new dilemma is his college. As of now he is on a medical leave. I don't want him to lose his spot at a great school. I don't see him being ready to go back in the fall but am hopeful for the spring. Question is do I level with the school and tell them the truth or do I say it is for "medical reasons", I am thinking they will want specifics, right? I am totally inexperienced with these matters and figured many of you would be able to help me with this.
I know schools deal with these types of issues more often than I probably realize but I am not sure if I am red flagging him by being honest with them and don't want to jeopardize his standing there. Please let me know your thoughts or if anyone else has had a simliar situation. Last time I reached out for advice, I was amazed and touched by how many had experiences with situations similiar to mine, so hoping someone can help me figure out how we should handle this.</p>
<p>No advice, but I am SO glad to hear things are looking up!!</p>
<p>I’m delighted to hear how well things are going with your son.</p>
<p>I think that he needs to be the one deciding how to deal with the school, and his treatment center should be able to help him with this.</p>
<p>This is a medical leave. Mental health is medical. He (with your help) will be able to apply for further medical leave. A doctors note from the facility will probably be required.
I wouldn’t worry about jeopardizing his standing because of this. He could ask the doc who has prescribed the meds, most likely a psychiatrist (?), to help out with the forms.
There may be a bit of paperwork, but it’s unlikely that the school would be anything but helpful.
Congratulations, wipedoutmom! It must be wonderful to have your son back.</p>
<p>I don’t think the school will be interested in specifics other than proving that he is on a legitimate medical leave by providing a note from his doctor or some other documentation from the treatment facility. You have to remember that your son is not unique is his situation, lots of people his age make these kinds of mistakes and the lucky ones get treatment. So the school will have seen this before or have some kind of procedure for handling these requests. They understand that medical records are private and confidential, so it is unlikely they will ask for more than the most minimal detail.</p>
<p>Agree with SmithieandProud. I would add that when the time comes the school might ask for a doctor’s assessment that your son is indeed ready to return. As far as what to tell the school, just give them the information that they ask for.</p>
<p>Colleges are amazingly experienced and “mature” about these sorts of issues. they do come up. Your son has the right to medical privacy and the school will honor that. his doctor will be able to help you fill out the forms. Glad to hear he is on a safe road.</p>
<p>Very happy he has started the journey back to a healthier and happier life.</p>
<p>And very happy for you, too. The road will be long, but enjoy this milestone.</p>
<p>I am glad things are looking up</p>
<p>Wonderful news. Here’s hoping for continued recovery for your son and many happy days/years ahead for all of you.</p>
<p>The school will not ask for or need to know the specifics. However, you should be truthful (to a point) that explains he has had to participate in a health facility and therefore is taking a medical leave. They might ask if he may need additional services. One reason they’ll want to know is trying to decide where he should dorm when he returns. (Near health clinics? quieter? closer to classrooms?) They’ll also need a letter from his doctor explaining that he is fit to return to school. For the most part, schools are concerned about the safety and liability of all students. Your doctor will be quite used to writing those kind of letters.</p>
<p>PS: thanks for the update. I’m sooo glad to hear how your story is turning out.</p>
<p>No advice but so glad things are lookinig up! (((HUGS))) to you.</p>
<p>No new advice to offer but so glad he is receiving treatment and things are looking up. Sending more positive thoughts your way.</p>
<p>Another message saying I’m very happy to hear your son and your family are faring well. Sending you warm thoughts. Think the advice above is very good. Your S’s school will be supportive and respectful of his privacy. Colleges are used to dealing with situations like the one your son is in and typically have good resources and mechanisms in place to do just that. They want their students’ well-being. I can only imagine your son’s school will be happy to know he is getting the treatment he needs to be well and will do their part to support him when he returns.</p>
<p>I don’t think that hiding the nature of his problem from his school would be a good idea. By knowing what his medical problem was, the school would have a better idea about his housing and what support services he may need.</p>
<p>I continue to think that this is something for your S to discuss with his treatment facility. It should be part of his discharge planning process.</p>
<p>So happy for your son and your family. It is so good to see a young person turn what appears to be a hopeless situation around. </p>
<p>If for some reason your son does not end up returning to his school, it may not be a bad thing. It is difficult for a recovering drug user to return to the environment and friends that he was using with and stay clean. His emotional and physical well-being must be the priority. I know it is for you and your family. I am not sure that it will mean as much to those he was using with…</p>
<p>^^^^ KYParent is right on target with the idea of your son returning to the same environment and people that he was getting high with. Most drug treatment facilities NEVER recommend that a user go back to the place/people that knew them as a user. When my family member kicked his habit many years ago he moved to a different state so that he was able to start a new drug free life with people that would not encourage the old behaviors. You and your son should be discussing this with the treatment facility.</p>
<p>Many blessings to your son for his continued recovery and hugs to you for your courage in seeing what you needed to do.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your kind thoughts and well wishes. Yes, it feels great to feel hopeful again but I know its one day at a time and its still a long road ahead. I just want to make one thing clear, the school that I am referring to is actually his original college, where he really wasn’t smoking pot. He was very concerned about getting caught and in his dorm, this was not really done, most of his friends did not smoke pot at “school a”. BUT he was playing excessive video games, therefore his grades dropped, and that is when we decided he needed to take a break and come home, because soon after we concluded he was depressed. And being so far away, was scary for us as his parents, since he wasn’t consistent with seeking out the health treatment services at school a.</p>
<p>So he came home to attend “school b” locally, which is where pot was rampant, I mean according to him, everyone smoked and everyone in his dorm did it regularly, so for someone who already did it on occasion this was carte blanche to do it much more often. And then it began. So the pot issue really became an issue once he came home, when he was at school a, it was more about early signs of depression and social anxiety at school a, not the pot. If that is where he was smoking excessively or his friends were constant smokers, there is no way we would consider sending him back, it is a point very well taken.</p>
<p>But this is a very highly ranked school, with a lot of serious students and I can only conclude that maybe these serious students just don’t smoke as much as others? I am sure some do, but it doesn’t seem to be as big of a problem in that school as it does on many other campuses. So in that regard, I think this school is actually a good place for him to be for that reason alone. But more than anything we want to feel he is totally 100% ready, mind, body and soul to go back, and work hard and become successful. And that may not be until spring or even fall of next year.</p>
<p>He will be speaking with his advisor next week…so do you think he should just say that he is looking for an extension for his medical leave, that is receiving “treatment” or should he use some other operative word? I do believe in being honest but how honest should he be? I really don’t know what advice to give him here, when he is asking for this extension. If anyone can guide me on this, on what you would tell your son or daughter, would really appreciate the input.
Many thanks again…</p>
<p>I think if I were your son I might say something like, “I’m under medical care that will continue for at least another X months, so I’m requesting an extension of my medical leave. What information or documentation do you need in order to process that?” (Or a kid’s version of that.)</p>
<p>Btw…glad for the explanation about “School a.”. Sounds like, when the time is right, it could be the perfect place for re-entry.</p>
<p>Hi wipedout - I tried to send you a private message, but the system said your box was full. If you can clear some of the messages, I will resend!</p>