<p>Any psychiatric condition is a medical condition and you are under no obligation to offer more detail. His attending physician should be asked to fill out whatever forms are needed and include only the minimum amount of info needed to obtain an extension of his medical leave. All this info is now highly regulated by the federal government to protect privacy. For instance, when I write a note for a patient’s employer to excuse an absence, I never give the diagnosis - it is none of their business. Should the school absolutely require more info, they will need to tell you that in writing. I hope this helps, good luck.</p>
<p>Psychiatric issues are the most common reason for medical leaves from colleges. In fact, when our daughter went on medical leave due to chronic illnesses, she received a form letter with the requirements for return (6 months of f/t work for a non-relative) that applied to kids with psych. issues, and had to call to find out what a student in her situation needed to do.</p>
<p>In her school, which is a top university, I have read that 60% of students have had mental health treatment. Anecdotally, from what she tells me, that may even be an understatement.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine that your son could be on medical leave and not be required to provide details to someone on campus. Our daughter had to meet with the head of the college’s health services with adequate documentation that she was ready to come back. MD’s had to do some work (actually, we provided letters for them to sign).</p>
<p>College disability offices and counseling services could also be helpful to you son, and the former would require a lot of documentation as well. They could help with getting a good room, including a single if needed, and also extensions on work, that kind of thing. Our daughter’s roommate had anxiety issues and missed a lot of classes. Counselors at the college helped her with professors, in terms of absences and missed work. Not saying it will be needed by your son, but it is good to set things up in a “just in case” manner.</p>
<p>It is a tricky thing, to self-identify but not let these kinds of things affect your feelings about your own identity. It is really up to your son- aside from the details required for his return.</p>
<p>Privacy is guarded closely by institutions, so that only a few people chosen by him would need to know. Professors might receive a letter saying he had registered with the office of disabilities, at the most, but there would be no details. Then again, although understandable, there is no reason for embarrassment.</p>
<p>Get tuition refund insurance.</p>
<p>Most of all, I would call the school or look at the handbooks to see what is required for a student to be accepted back after a medical leave. Some schools require reapplying for admission, some require, as I said, 6 months of f/t work, and most require medical documentation of readiness to return.</p>
<p>“But this is a very highly ranked school, with a lot of serious students and I can only conclude that maybe these serious students just don’t smoke as much as others? I am sure some do, but it doesn’t seem to be as big of a problem in that school as it does on many other campuses. So in that regard, I think this school is actually a good place for him to be for that reason alone. But more than anything we want to feel he is totally 100% ready, mind, body and soul to go back, and work hard and become successful. And that may not be until spring or even fall of next year.”</p>
<p>If it’s a highly ranked school like an Ivy it has a sky high graduation rate and wants to maintain that rate so probably has things in place to help the students like your son who return after getting treatment for the type of things your son got treatment for. I believe your son would get more help from his school than probably occurs at lower ranked schools.</p>
<p>Even more than 35 years ago when I went to Harvard I knew people who took time off due to psychiatric difficulties. They were welcomed back and graduated. Given the drug culture back then, probably some of them had drug problems, too.</p>
<p>I believe it’s vital for your son to let his college know the nature of his medical problems so they can offer him whatever support they have – including dorm placement – and support groups that would best help him to succeed.</p>
<p>so happy your son is getting effective intervention and treatment! hoping parents who have had friends or family in college and in recovery can offer you practical thoughts but I do agree this is part of early pre discharge planning, and will be addressed. However, sounds like timing is an issue so you could request (with son) for this to be addressed in a Patient Care Meeting where addressing how to communicate with the college can be discussed and options re proposals/requests to the college can be clearly reviewed with son and his professional therapists and perhaps your input/involvement as well.<br>
His abstinence and recovery are so paramount…I am so happy that you can see his mental health improving and we all hope he can begin to resume the life tasks of a talented young adult so he can have the things eventually that can be so elusive and take so long to find…that matter in life…good companionship, love and the rewards of honorable work.<br>
Hang in there. I hope you are also sitting in now and then in Narc Anon or NAMI or similar support groups in other settings where parents impacted by depression in loved ones or substance abuse in children gather so you can hear stories of full recovery and stories that may help sustain you as he starts to pick up the pieces and reenter his world again. I would definitely help him seek out a learning environment where a critical mass of students appear to be healthy (avoidant of drugs and fewer involved with video world preoccupations). Peers are just so influential in these years. There are colleges where kids congregate who are perhaps less involved with the above. I attended Furman University which 30 years ago was pretty conservative and regional compared to my upbringing–like Wake Forest and the Univ of Richmond they severed denominational ties in the 80s but some of the culture remains. I have come to appreciate the students I came to know there although I was thrown by their more religiously based upbringing and didn’t understand the reasons felt angst if they got smashed etc when I arrived. In general…just a very thoughtful group who have a lot of intentional thinking in their lives…and I think there are colleges that have this sort of culture…Centre College in Kentucky comes to mind. The sun shines all year and people stay outdoors so much at Furman…it is a healthy place with rigorous classrooms. I have to say that I really underestimated my classmates from small churchy towns when I arrived…many have in fact become really interesting responsible adults who took the best qualities of their backgrounds to heart and moved on after their college years to more complex and broader living. </p>
<p>and although I certainly have two close classmates who are alcoholics (then and now) and a few friends who suffered bouts of depression etc just like you would have among friends anywhere, in general, the fact is students who are more square sometimes gravitate to colleges with that reputation and the campus is still dry (this is likely the last year that will be policy…but still…the campus culture is sort of wholesome and being abstinent is not that unusual or even worth commenting on at Furman). Obviously kids do drink but it is just not a drinking culture college and most people are quite healthy physically…it is in the foothills of the most beautiful spiritual mountains in NC…Pisgah Forest just up the road lends a peaceful air to things…but in a city with a newly lively town in the uplands of SC…lots of hiking and pleasure in the outdoors nearby.
anyways…I wonder if he might be happier and be able to turn over a new leaf in a school where only the minority of students are using drugs and drinking often. Clearly pot is bad for his depression and he will need to stay sober and clear. There are certainly other colleges besides Furman in the USA with cultures where drinking is for the minority and pot smokers are small in number. I know your son is bright so I wish him friendship with peers that can be good for him…so important in this juncture to move on to leaning on your own friends…life is tough in your 20s and friends make it all bearable.
I do agree that if his College A is a fine college…there may be excellent support in place for him to use if you feel he would most benefit from returning to the college where he started out. Keep us posted…</p>
<p>Thank you for the update, wipedoutmom! I hope that you are slightly less wiped out these days, with your son in good hands. It’s a very good sign that he has agreed to residential treatment. </p>
<p>Your PM box has been full for at least a month, I think!</p>
<p>I am left wondering if neither School #1 or #2 was the right fit. Why shouldn’t he go back to excessive gaming at School #1?</p>
<p>We tend to return to familiar waters simply because they are familiar. </p>
<p>Maybe the college hunt is not yet over. He may be older, wiser, and hopefully, healthier, but if School #1 was not working out, I could see it being a second verse of the same song come September. What does HE want to do? Does it make sense?
Good luck!</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice, also my mailbox is cleared! Sorry wasn’t caught up on my messages and really appreciate the support…its amazing how a bunch of virtual strangers will reach out when someone is in need, it is really heartwarming.</p>
<p>With regard to whether or not he should return to school a, its kind of on the back burner right now only becasue the bigget issue is his COMPLETE recovery, and I am smart enough to know that in 5 weeks, there is no “miracle cure”. In fact we had a conference with the treatment center who is suggesting an aftercare program for about 30-45 days after this is done (in a few days) so we have a decision to make and I must say am leaning towards having him do that, for a host of reasons.</p>
<p>So school may have to wait a semester (or even two) will seek the advice when we meet with the staff in a few days on how to handle the college and seeking an extended medical leave. I think you all seemed to agree and it seemed unanimous that most colleges are readily able and willing to deal with medical issues of this sort and have much experience in doing so. He won’t be the first, and it is everyone’s best interest to get him the best support possible (including on campus support when he does return)I also agree that most schools will do their best ultimately to work with us to insure his return and his ability to succeed, as soon as everyone involved feels he is fully ready for the task.</p>
<p>So…I dont’ think we are there yet, but I do want to get all our ducks in order and see if he can get that extended leave without jeopardizing his standing at the school. I think the wording that was suggested was excellent and if down the road more info is needed, then we will deal with that then. But I am sure those at the treatment center can guide us with this as they have dealt with this, no doubt countless times.</p>
<p>I will keep you posted! My new saying every single day is “one day at a time”. I don’t allow myself to think too far ahead, and embrace each day for what we are given and cherish each little step forward. Thanks again for the support!</p>
<p>Joining in on the cheers for the great news, and agree that you don’t need to disclose anything more than you are comfortable with. They don’t need to know specifics. </p>
<p>That said, my older s was in the hospital for several days just before he was to leave for his freshman yr of college due to a bad reaction to an antibiotic that caused pseudo-membranous colitis. When I contacted the school (the school has a residential college system so I contacted the college and the college masters) to let them know we’d have to play it by ear as to whether he’d make it on time for the orientation week, I was very vague with what was up (wanted to let my son control release of his private information) which seemed to lead them to think it was worse than it was (by then he was recovering–). They have some responsibility for his safety and wanted a little more information as to what was going on.</p>
<p>For you, at this point, you dont need to tell them anything more than that he is on medical leave. You can tell more later if appropriate. You can always say more, but you can never say less, if you know what I mean.
Good luck</p>