<p>I am currently a sophomore at a university about an hour or so away from my home. I have been here for the past year. I loved it at first, it was hard going into a school completely alone and trying to make friends and also do well in my classes. My second semester was really rough. I lost a lot of friends here and felt very lonely. My one closest friend actually decided to transfer to Rutgers.
So I came back in the fall and have been here for about a month. I was beyond miserable. I am going to a counselor because i fell like I am dealing with really bad depression. I applied to Rutgers as a back up and want to go there so bad but more for the social life and not for academic purposes. I decided to rush here and got a bid for a pretty decent sorority. I didn't go to any of the parties because I had a major panic attack. If i transfer to Rutgers, Id want to join a sorority to make friends but if i join one here I won't be able to join one there IF i transfer. So i ended up accepting my bid anyways and i am not pledging. The girls exclude me from everything since I skipped the first two parties. They think I don't want to be there or was deciding between other sororities when that wasn't the case at all. I was going through a lot and didn't know what to do. I am not even more miserable trying to pledge with girls who won't even give me a chance and I have no idea what to do. I don't know if I'm staying here or not. I don't know if I should go through or just give up with this. I would hate to back up now and then end up not transferring and then not be accepted back.<br>
All of this is effecting my school work, I can concentrate, I can study, and i am already doing poorly on my work. I need help.</p>
<p>transfering to another school just for social purposes is not unheard of— my brothers friend was at a pretty good school already but he transferred to Boston College just to make more friends and go to more parties. Also, some sororities do crazy pledges (you obviously already know how crazy they can be lol) </p>
<p>Dear Beach,
Sounds like you have two issues right now. The first, and most urgent is that you are experiencing a funk or depression. For that, I urge you to contact your counselor today, or your parents or the college counseling center. This cannot wait and it’s critical. You need a live person to speak with today!</p>
<p>Secondly…and I speak as a parent and as one who has “been there”, like you, back in the day…what happens in college feels sooooo emotional…friendships are intense, rejection feels so intense, loneliness can be overwhelming if you are not in the “right group”. I had that experience and transferred from a small SUNY school, where there were tons of frats, parties and drinking and where I didn’t feel like I fit in to a large SUNY University, where I felt there was a better fit. Then, I spent a semester abroad. It was a great experience for me. I just had to start fresh.</p>
<p>That being said, I can’t tell you what to do. Rutgers is so large that my daughter would get lost there, so it’s not on our list for her as she looks at schools. But, it would have worked for me, back in the day, as I like large schools. So, You need to determine if it’s right for you. if you want to stay where you are, do something different…like join clubs instead of sororities…or hook up with the study abroad office and consider spending a semester abroad. Or…maybe think about transferring to another school that suits you. Or investigate Rutgers further. It will all be all right.</p>
<p>All I can tell you is that, whatever you do, as long as you are kind and loving to your own self…as long as you know that life is flexible and flows in all kinds of directions…as long as you try not to be Perfect, cause no one is, and as long as you REACH OUT when you need help, like now…It will be fine. You will find your path. And struggling in sophomore year…well, for many of us, it just helps us to find ourselves. I treasure that difficult year because it set me on a path of discovery. But, I asked for help. </p>