I am going in to my second semester in college for my sophomore year in a few days, I leave to go back to my college which is 6 hours away in 2 days. Thinking about going back makes me feel sadder than anything. I hate being away from home still, even though I am well into my second year there. Most other forums I have read are for freshmen or transfer students, and they all say it will lessen and get better after a few months, however it hasn’t for me. I would even say I feel more homesick than I did freshman year, it just keeps progressing.
I just love being home so much. This is where I grew up, I am so familiar with everything here. My family, the house that I grew up in, and the hometown I love is all here, and I hate to leave it. I also have a boyfriend that I have been dating for almost two years that goes to a local university, so I leave him to have a long distance relationship every time I go back to school, which just makes things harder because I miss being able to see him in person so so much.
I have been waking up in the very early mornings and crying thinking about going back to school during this break. Transferring or dropping out is not an option since I have a two year lease on an apartment that I can’t get out of, even for switching or leaving the school.
I feel extreme guilt for ever going through that “angsty teen phase” in high school. I want to go back in time and shake my younger self, telling myself how good I had it, that I have nowhere else to be, that I get to live at home with my loving family who cares for me and cooks dinner and takes me places, where I never have to feel alone. I didn’t realize how good I had it living at home and I took it so for granted, and now I can never have it back the way it once was.
I just feel so so sad about going back, and this is how I feel for every single break I come home for, and when I am back in my college town, I just want to be back home and count down the days until the next break that I can visit.
I’d just like some advice on how I can stop feeling so sad even this far into my college career, as all of the freshman homesickness tips like joining clubs and just sticking with college and having it get better on its own have not helped me. All of my other friends from home seem to have settled into college life by now, and can’t seem to relate when I try to talk to them about this. I have also been to the counseling center at my school but that hasn’t been too helpful because they are so busy with apppointments that I can only get in there once every few weeks. I just want to be able to go back to my college town without feeling borderline devastated about leaving home!
You definitely need to talk to someone about your feelings. One possibility is to contact the crisis text line - they have trained volunteers who could help you. You simply text HOME to 741741 and someone will respond.
I agree with @MaineLonghorn . This doesn’t sound like homesickness, it sounds like depression. You are hanging your sadness on regrets about your younger self and leaving home, but my guess is that your sadness will find any home it can. You are doing well to be able to name it, but addressing it is hard!
Please seek counseling when you get back.
Have you talked to your parents about this? Maybe they can help you get the counseling that you need. Also, there is no such thing as an apartment lease that you can’t get out of. Breaching the lease will cost you some money (you will probably lose your security deposit), but your mental health takes precedence.
In addition to seeking counseling, which others have suggested, I’d add that if you feel that moving home or closer to home is a good option for you, you should review the lease you signed, and see what the penalties are of breaking it early, as well as what options you might have in terms of subletting the apartment. It may well be that it’s worth it to pay a penalty, to give yourself the ability to transfer someplace closer to home. You might also talk to the landlord; see if he’ll let you out of some or all of the penalties if you leave at the end of this spring term or the end of the summer. I actually had a landlord waive all penalties for me once, so he could raise the rent after I left - so it can be worth it to have this conversation.
In terms of the counseling, normally, a certain number of visits with a social worker/therapist are covered by your medical insurance plan. You could go to a regular therapist once per week so that you can see someone more regularly as you work through these issues. You aren’t tied to only seeing the people in student health services.