<p>I had an interesting real-world conversation last week with a man who knows me through my homeschooling support group, and he said he thought I must be planning for my oldest son to attend either <strong>A</strong> or <strong>B</strong>, two well known colleges. I thought that was interesting, because I thought anyone who knows me would peg me as a fan of <strong><em>C</em></strong>, another famous college. I became curious about what people think that I think is the best college, because I suspect I give off vibes about that issue not only to adults I know, but also to my son. I acknowledge the principle that is really my son's choice where to apply, and also his choice where to matriculate if he is admitted to more than one college, but maybe I had better check what messages I'm giving off about favorite colleges and have a frank and open discussion about that with him. So I wonder what all of you think, "knowing" me online, would my favorite college(s) to suggest that my son apply there. </p>
<p>And, to open up a more general discussion, what is your favorite college to suggest/advocate/recommend to your child? Have you mentioned a particular college to your child? Or, if you haven't particularly focused on one college or another by name, what criteria do you think are important, and how do you communicate those to your child? </p>
<p>(I am astounded that everyone so far whom I've asked suggests the same college to me as the obvious favorite for me to recommend to my son. I thought a different college was my favorite--maybe not his favorite--but perhaps action speaks louder than words.)</p>
<p>I don't suggest a particular college to my daughter as my favorite changes weekly, but I do suggest the process that we have all discussed here: big Vs. little, East Vs. West, city Vs. country.
I was completely wrong with my first D in predicting where she would choose to enroll.</p>
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I don't suggest a particular college to my daughter as my favorite changes weekly
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<p>Thanks for your reply. That's an interesting idea: if the parent changes mind often enough, maybe the child is at liberty to choose whatever she pleases. I fear I've been in a rut too long, which is why I raise this question. Maybe after I read some more replies, I'll get into change my mind every week mode.</p>
<p>Actually, Tokenadult, colleges do not change much from year to year, but teenagers do. What may seem like the best college when your child is a sophomore or junior may no longer be the best when it's time to make a decision.
Had my S decided he was a humanities or social science typre, he might have ended up at a LAC rather than where he is now.</p>
<p>Both my W and I discussed dozens of colleges with our D. Basically, we each went through the entire Princeton review book. We visited about a dozen colleges. When it came time to apply, we pushed her to add a couple of safeties. At the very end, my W pushed for two super reaches. My D was very reluctant because she knew she would not be admitted. She is attending one of those super reaches. The other rejected her.</p>
<p>I think it's way to risky for any of us to focus on one college. (And I know that's not what you're saying, but you know what I mean - having a favorite or whatever.)</p>
<p>I've certainly proposed schools to my son; if I hadn't he'd be hanging out in his room next year wondering where all his friends went to. ;) But he's also applied to 9 schools, which seems like plenty - and in that group there are no clear leaders (of course we haven't heard from all regarding money).</p>
<p>I never really talk about colleges with my friends. (Hence CC!) Most of them couldn't care less about them and only vaguely know about any that are outside of the immediate region. But that is really a reflection of our community and it's fine.</p>
<p>Marite, yes, teenagers do change over the years. My favorite school as a junior is not where I applied as a senior. </p>
<p>Edad, thanks for the additional comments. My wife was educated (primary and secondary education) overseas, so she doesn't have a lot of impressions of United States colleges. It's partly because I overdo the thinking about this issue without a different point of view from her that I raise this question. Congratulations to your daughter.</p>
<p>edad - Ditto for our family. After discussions about dozens of schools, my D thought she had her plans all together, then agreed at the 11th hour to be talked into a super reach and wound up there. She's ecstatic about her first semester. Given that experience, I've changed the way I look at the standard process of finding good matches that we all hear. Most 17-year-olds aren't in a position to have informed opinions about their college interests or desires, or even whether they'd prefer a large or small school or town. And they're unlikely to ever have the opportunity to compare what they experience to what might have been had they gone elsewhere. Most likely, they'll have a wonderful experience wherever they go and say afterwards that they can't imagine having gone elsewhere. Unless students have very unusual long-term commitments to specific fields, I think most would be well-served to go to the best college they can get into that fits within their limitations of budget and geography.</p>
<p>I guess some kids change. I have to admit that I've been saying since ... oh about since when he was in second grade ... that I thought my oldest would be happier going to school down the river from where I went. My dh's theory is that I brainwashed him. I didn't mean to, but his first choice is MIT not Harvard.</p>
<p>Since my wife and I are both alumni of the same college, most people assume that we wanted our children to go there. We would love to have our children go there -- and they would love it, too, I'm sure -- but our preference for our alma mater is much weaker than most people assume. We love the college our daughter is attending, and any number of others, too. We did have something of a prejudice against LACs that we communicated to our kids to some extent, but it was a pretty weak prejudice, and our daughter applied to a number of LACs.</p>
<p>Anyway, what we want and what our kids want doesn't matter as much as what the admissions office at our alma mater wants. It didn't want kid #1, and we'll see about kid #2 but I'm not going to buy the sweatshirt for him in advance.</p>
<p>My older son (14 next week!) has been determined to go to MIT for several years. He has spent a fair amount of time there, hanging around in the engineering library under the dome, walking the halls looking at exhibits, attending their annual weekend of mini-courses. He loves both the science/math focus and the culture - particularly the pranks. My preference would be for him to go to a LAC with a very strong science program and then to MIT or one of the other top schools for grad school. He has a wide range of interests, including intense interests in history and languages, and I believe that MIT is too narrowly focused. But it will, of course, be up to him and to the various admissions offices. At the moment I'm agonizing over several independent HS admissions committees, who are at present evaluating his far-from-perfect applications.</p>
<p>My 8-year-old? I have no idea. I can't even imagine him at college.</p>
<p>I have been fond of telling my sons, "You are free to go to any college you would like, but I am only paying for <em>C</em>." Does that seem like I'm giving off a vibe?</p>
<p>My favorite college in the country, by far, and I think also by far the most underrated, is Earlham. Didn't fit my first kid and doesn't fit my second.</p>
<p>I didn't have a favorite, even my own. Circumstances were different with my kids. Both are nmf so they actually could pick their own poison. </p>
<p>All I asked was they do a tbar sheet for the schools they visited (pro &con) then compare. I asked they not pick one until they investgated several. We spent several "vacations" traveling to different colleges (around 15 bewteen both). Since their was scholarship money involved the only thing I was concerned about in their pick was "if you make a bad choice and come home, the money stays with the school, so pick your second home for the next 4 years carefully. My college pick was made around my job. I had to cordinate a transfer to finish up as my company was paying for my education. So my college had to be in a certain place. My kids had the whole country to choose from. All I could advise is pick where you are going to be happy. </p>
<p>I think they did, they are both happy with their choices. Both choose small LAC where they will get an excellent education.</p>
<p>H and I are both:
-pro-private university
-pro-urban location--aka take the opportunity to get to know a great city</p>
<p>I am
-pro east coast for undergrad. It's so cold up there for most of the school year--nothing to do BUT read, LOL.</p>
<p>My boys both wanted largish schools (+5000) --places where the rumour circuit was slower than five minutes. They had the 150 year old gothic campus and one-on-one attention in high school.</p>
<p>I read the PR '352 Best' descriptions of the student body to each boy. They shook their heads at the ones that didn't sound like their cup of tea. They visited 5 or 6 schools. We let them go on tour and meet students for lunch--alone. </p>
<p>There have been twists in the decisions of each--life changing twists--but I wouldn't be surprised if both boys could articulate our preferences--along with our mantra that they could get a great education at any of the universities under consideration. </p>
<p>We don't have a favorite 'famous' undergrad school--unless it's an architecture school.</p>
<p>S thought that his first choice was MIT until he went to the admissions session. It was a great, very informative session; but it convinced him that he was not the ideal MIT student, (mens ET manus). He's now happy down the road, even though many of his close friends are at MIT.</p>
<p>Marite, Did your son decide against MIT because he is more intereswted in theory than applications? A reservation that I have about MIT is that I believe it is more engineering- than science-oriented, but I'm basing this on incomplete information.</p>
<p>I do have a preference for my son, but I base it on where I think he would have a seemless transition, due to the EC's available. That may not turn out to be how he makes his decision (and he may not get into this school, so I've tried not to voice my preference to him). It's a "mom-thing" of wanting him to be socially comfortable from day one because I'm unrealistic and over-protective. We visited both my and my husbands colleges. He's applied to my H's alma mater, not mine. His choice.</p>
<p>Since we've entered the "cone of silence", I've stopped bringing up colleges with him. The apps are out, he did a great job. Now we wait.</p>
<p>Sometimes a "stretch" is just as wonderful as a a "seamless transition." One of my kids definitely chose a college where her main high school EC/passion was not only available but outstanding, and, once there, quickly discovered a whole new world of ECs. It continues to be a lot of fun for her trying new things and finding new passions. She did quickly become involved in the original EC, but is considering dropping it to make room for new ones. Of course she's also changed her idea of a major (non EC related, but the one she was planning on since she was ten) too. A lot can change - from the time of apps being sent out to acceptances coming in - and once the student is actually on campus.</p>
<p>Yes, that was it. It's not that MIT does not have plenty of theoretical physics and math; but the general idea, as expounded by the Dean of Admissions, was that MIT looked for people who were hands-on. The friends of S who are thriving at MIT are of that sort. Much as he likes them, he thought he might be overwhelmed by hands-on types. He also began to think that he would like to be surrounded by people who had interests totally different from his--which is the case right now. This epiphany happened just a couple of months before the deadline for early apps.</p>