I can't bring myself to sit with people I don't know and I'm miserable

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>So after two weeks at college, I really have made friends with a good number of people. I get along really well with some people on my dorm’s floor, and I guess it helps a little that we’re all a Substance-free floor. And I would call myself introverted, but only with people I don’t know. I enjoy personal time but when I’m with close friends, for example, the ones I had in high school, I can be quite social and I love to go do stuff and hang out with them. And here, I’ve talked to a few people in my classes and I did go to all the orientation socials, where I met a lot of people and felt pretty confident about making friends overall.</p>

<p>Now, I’ve mainly been eating lunch or dinner with either my roommate or with the other people on my floor who I’m lucky enough to naturally hit it off with. (I go to a small-ish university, about 4000 students, and most people do NOT have tons of friends from their high school attending.) The problem is I’m screwed when I can’t – find – anybody I know, when I can’t find even a casual acquaintance who I’ve talked to maybe twice. </p>

<p>Even though I can safely get my meal and find somebody I’ve talked to before and ask to sit with them, when I look at the cafeteria and see people who I RECOGNIZE as Freshmen, even people who are in one of my classes, I can’t bring myself to go up to them if I’ve never actually talked with them before.</p>

<p>And the really ironic thing is, I’ve seen a few kids eat by themselves these past 2 weeks when I was with my dorm hall friends and I’ve really sympathized with them, to the point of asking them to come sit with us, but they have left before I’ve had a chance to go approach them. And so when I see people I’ve seen before sitting in groups, but I’ve never actually talked to them, it’s like my body freezes up, against my will, even though my mind says “You can do it! Meet new people! You can do it!” and I go and sit by myself and feel like a total loser and get really f-ing depressed for the rest of the day.
I mainly think because I’m disappointed in myself.</p>

<p>And then I try to rationalize it like “They’re probably all on the same floor, you don’t want to drag down the conversation” or “Those two guys look chummy, you don’t want to be a third wheel”, but I know those excuses are BS. Or they seem valid in my mind, as I'm walking to my seat, but once I sit down they seem stupid.</p>

<p>So yeah…I’ll probably visit consueling services sometime this semester, but I was just wondering if this happened to anyone else the first couple of weeks. I AM planning on joining 2-3 clubs/ECs once they start up so hopefully that will help things a little. And BTW, I’m not talking about “I have a book or work with me I really need to read this” sitting alone but “I have nothing with me and I look lonely and miserable” sitting alone.</p>

2

<p>How are people having the time to worry about making friends, with classes, work, and my clubs, I haven't barely had time to eat let alone worrying about my friend status.</p>

3

<p>1) At some point you're feelings of being miserable will overcome your shyness.</p>

<p>2) when you see those kids sitting by themselves - hurry up. You might just make their day.</p>

4

<p>Many people are mentally exhausted by forced socialization. </p>

<p>I never go to the dining halls looking to randomly meet people there. Why don't you get some phone numbers and set up some breakfast/lunches/dinners?</p>

5

<p>lmao at mr.bojangles : ]</p>

6

<p>Visiting counselling might be an okay idea if it continues.</p>

<p>After making a female friend here and getting into a HUGE argument I couldn't help but get help, and after awhile they, with a second opinion, diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder. I didn't realize there was a name or diagnosis to how I felt before but things happen; now I'm trying to fight one of the most dreaded types of mental disorders.</p>

<p>Not saying your shyness is in any way such a major disorder.</p>

7

<p>


</p>

<p>WOW!! I thought I was the only feeling that way. These first two weeks has been so mentally draining as I have been forced socializing with people. I felt if I have to ask one more person their major I'll explode. I knew if I didn't socialize though, I would regret it in 2 months, when everyone was in solid cliques and I was all alone.</p>

<p>I have a group of friends now, so I am comfortable and enjoy eating alone now, because I know there are people I can ask to eat with if I feel like it. But lately I just feel like eating alone. Don't really have the time to call that many people up.</p>

8

<p>be glad you're actually having these problems. i can't afford to live on campus and im either working, sleeping, or in class (hour or two at library to goof off on internet too ;p)</p>

9

<p>I can't sit next to random people at lunch, either. I mean, if there was no one I knew and I REALLY didn't want to sit by myself, I would sit next to them and be like "hey, you're in my blah blah class. How do you like it? Oh yeah. Yeah, I feel that, too. He kinda reminds me of blah blah. Oh my gosh, you love blah blah, too? Blah blah"</p>

<p>But when it comes to class rooms, I sit next to random people all the time. If I'm tired, its awesome because I don't care about what I do or what people think so I just be extremely socialable with them.</p>

<p>It is exhausting when you force yourself to be social, but I have been doing that for... 3 or 4 weeks now and I'm getting used to it. I'm starting to become more and more comfortable with it and less caring about making true relationships. Because like... I am so tired that I have begun to remove my "front." And I have come to realise that we are all people and have the same feelings and exhaustions so... I just relax a little. Relationships have developed on their own. I just have to say "hi" and see what happens. </p>

<p>Yeah, and sitting next to someone who is by themselves... sometimes I do that. But it only works when it looks like I am more sociable than the person by themselves. :( I still get intimidated.</p>

10

<p>Wait, you have a lot of friends and are getting along well, but might visit counseling services occasionally because you sit alone at meals? </p>

<p>You know that it's ok to eat alone?</p>

11

<p>I find having a swig of a bottle of chardonnay works quite well. Though don't overdo it ;).</p>

12

<p>Counseling? What? No. Look, you've got friends, and very few people just go sit down with people they don't know. If I were with friends and someone none of us knew sat down I would think it (and they) was weird. You're fine, just accept that sometimes you have to eat alone, and it'll happen less often as time goes on. Bring a book and it won't look bad, either.</p>