I can't make any friends.

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I've been living on campus for four weeks now, and taking classes for three, and I still have literally no friends. I know this is completely cliche but all the answers I've seen have been entirely unhelpful. I can't just make friends in my classes. No one talks during the lecture (obviously) and everyone leaves as soon as it's over. My roommate and I are on good terms, but our room is divided into two semi-private bedrooms and we have almost completely opposite schedules, so I only see him a few minutes a day.</p>

<p>All the posts I've seen on this subject say one of two things:
1. Join a club.
2. Go to parties.</p>

<p>Well, I'm already part of the SMTA (Student Music Therapist Association) at my school, since music therapy is my major, but they only meet about once every three weeks. There's only been one meeting since classes started. I talked to a few people there, but it's already been two weeks since that meeting and nothing's changed.</p>

<p>And I'd be totally down for parties. I'm not much of a drinker, but I do smoke weed, and that's definitely the best way I know to connect with and get to know people. But everyone suggests "going to parties" as if I can just walk into a party without knowing anyone. First of all, I'm a guy, not a hot girl, so I won't just be randomly accepted into the first party I find. Also, I know literally NO ONE, not just one or two people, NO ONE, so how the hell am I supposed to get invited to a party?</p>

<p>It's super frustrating because I had tons of friends in high school, and I didn't have to put any effort into getting to know people. It just kind of happened passively, in spite of me. But in high school, you're pretty much with the same people almost all day, including at lunch, so you're kind of forced to get to know them. I have different people in every single one of my classes, and none of them live on my floor. Besides that, I recently learned that every door in the all-freshman dorm was pretty much open for the first two weeks, so everyone got to know each other there. But in my dorm, everyone keeps to themselves and I have no way of getting to know any of them.</p>

<p>Sorry for the long rant, I'm just beyond frustrated with my situation.</p>

2

<p>Do people hang out in your dorm’s lounge area? That’s how I fell into the group of friends I have now- it basically arose from us hanging out in the lounge and watching t.v (although we live on the same hall) and now we hang out and stuff.</p>

3

<p>Well you just negated the two best ways to meet new people. And actually getting into parties as a freshman in the beginning of the year is quite easy cause all the frats are trying to lure in freshmen as prospective pledges.</p>

<p>And yeah, classes are NOT the best ways to make friends.</p>

<p>The only thing I can say is to give it time and keep trying to be social. These things need to be given time to occur naturally.</p>

4

<p>My first piece of advice is to stop smoking weed. My second piece of advice is that you if you can’t get over that, you should join your local Ron Paul support club. But seriously, maybe you are a kind of private, introverted person like me. Last year, I spent my freshman year reading, literally. I was comfortable doing just that. That really helped me discover the kind of person that I was. I am not a very gregarious person and my ideal day is spent in the darkest, quietest corner in the library reading about Bismarck. This year I have joined a few clubs and am more involved. But I am also very comfortable with who I am and love college even though I don’t go out at all and still have zero close friends. </p>

<p>For people like me, and maybe you, friends don’t come easy. Don’t pay attention to all the stereotypes that say every college student is getting drunk and having lots of sex and are having the time of their lives. Don’t try to impose friendships on other people or do things that make you uncomfortable or that clearly don’t characterize you. Stay focused on what your real goals and priorities are and then you will surely find some people to make friendships with.</p>

5

<p>All you need is one friend.</p>

6

<p>I’ve never made quality friends through parties, so I don’t really bother with them. To be honest, I make all my friends through my classes. It might be a little weird in the beginning, transitioning and all, but after a month or so when the schoolwork has finally kicked in, strike up a conversation with the people around you like 10-15 min. before class starts.</p>

7

<p>I’d say that lectures can be a great way to make friends if you play it right. Try to arrive a bit early and if anyone else comes in a little early too, start talking to them. Try to strike up a small conversation with whoever you’re sitting next to. Say something like “are you understanding this? Cuz I’m not”. or if they seem to be interested in something, say “hey, you like _____ too?”.</p>

<p>I’m a girl, so I’m not entirely sure how you would go about saying those things. I’ll tell you something though. My ex-boyfriend went to rehab for anger issues and depression due to his extremely abusive father and submissive mother. He had no friends because he was just not a like able person. I met him after he came back (I didn’t know him before as I was a year younger than him), and he was completely transformed into this perfect, kind gentleman. At the movies he would order a Pepsi and five minutes later I’d turn around to see him exchanging book suggestions with the man at the counter. He radiated compassion from every corner of his face, and people were drawn to him like a moth to a lightbulb despite being a little wary of him before. What I’m trying to say is that you can strike up a conversation with anyone and have people notice you by just being assertive yet radiating kindness. My boyfriend and I broke up recently after almost 2 years together because of college, but he ended up having a lot of friends.</p>

<p>PM me if things still aren’t working out in a week or so</p>