I cheated. I didn't get caught, but I feel really bad about it.

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Back in seventh grade, we had to write a lot of essays. I didn't know how to formulate a coherent chain of ideas back then, so basically my dad would write all my essays for me and I'd take dictation. (And I think he just plagiarized what he said from a bunch of books he'd bring home from the library, so all he'd do was change a few words and then tell me what to write.)</p>

<p>I never got caught. And sometime second semester the whole "essay" concept "clicked" with me and I figured out how to write essays myself and ever since then I've never cheated ever...and now I'm at a really good college. But it still makes me feel awful as a person. It's not something I can forgive myself for. Like all my essays from first semester of seventh grade were plagiarized. And I'm scared if I'm ever desperate or in danger of failing I might stoop that low again. Well, I don't think I would. But I can't promise myself I wouldn't, because I've gotten good grades since then and I think I've forgotten how it was to be that desperate. If I've cheated once, I could cheat again -- right?</p>

<p>Is there anything I can do to redeem myself? Save my academic "soul," so to speak?</p>

<p>Oh, I also lied on my college essays. Kind of a small fib, like it wasn't embellishing an accomplishment or anything. It was more that they asked for a personal-experience story and instead of telling an actual story that happened in my life, I made up one that could have happened. (And that I thought was going to happen.) Can I redeem myself for this too? I also lied a lot about liking biology when I really hate it with a fiery passion.</p>

2

<p>7th grade. It's not even considered high school (in college's eyes at least). What I thought first was, "Who cares? It doesn't matter. You learned how to write an essay."</p>

<p>And on the college essay thing.. I have no clue why people would lie. I think/have always thought that the essays help the colleges pick us as a fit as much as we pick them. I always thought that getting accepted somewhere is a way of the school saying, "you'll be happy and do well here for the type of person you are." I guess the worst that can come out of this one is a not-as-good college experience that you could've had somewhere else.</p>

3

<p>There is no way you can redeem yourself on such an egregious crime. It's as bad as manslaughter. Cheating on an essay in 7th grade: that's such a disgrace. And the fib will get you rescinded for sure.</p>

4

<p>All you can do is stop lying and cheating.
As for what you wrote on your college essay, your actions may have led to your ending up at a college that's a bad fit for you since the admissions officers evaluated you on an essay that wasn't true. If you end up not liking your college, that would be the punishment you brought upon yourself by misrepresenting yourself in your essay.</p>

5

<p>
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"Who cares? It doesn't matter. You learned how to write an essay."

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<p>Yes, but it's been eating at me like hell. For the most part I've earned my keep in life. But when people ask I can't say "no, I've never cheated." I like to think of myself as a moral, honorable person who'd never do such a thing. But I've kind of ruined that image of myself, for life. It just shows how weak of a human being I am, how easily I'd betray my own standards to get ahead. When I plagiarized, I didn't think twice. Somehow I thought what I was doing was justified or "okay" at the time...and it was only in high school that I'd realized I'd been a complete douchebag.</p>

<p>
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If you end up not liking your college

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<p>I actually really like my college. (It was the only one I applied to, and I couldn't be happier there.)</p>

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I have no clue why people would lie.

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<p>I couldn't think of a good true story, so I made up something plausible but false. It didn't actually misrepresent myself that much because the story was about a situation I thought would happen but narrowly avoided. And the decisions I made in the story were the same ones I'd make in real life. But I still feel really bad about lying.</p>

<p>The biology thing was a misrepresentation, and I had to do it to explain why I had so many biology-related ECs, but I'm not majoring in biology, so...I haven't been punished for it, really. I guess I was seduced by the thought of my own beautiful, consistent story...it felt easier to say "I love biology for its practical applications" than "I hate biology and only published a paper in it to boost my college chances." I really wish I hadn't -- but what else could I have done?</p>

<p>See, that's the problem. That act of lying still feels justified because I haven't thought of a way to get the same benefit out of it without doing something wrong. If I had to reapply today, I'd probably do the same thing, just because I was so tempted -- and I'd never think twice about it. What does that say about myself? That I only tell the truth when it's convenient? That maybe the only reason I never cheated in high school was because I was always at the top of the class?</p>

<p>Basically, I'm a horrible person. A cheater. And unless I find some way to redeem myself and make me into the type that'd never do something like this again...I'll keep being a cheater. And that's what I'm here for. I'm here for redemption. (But I'm not even posting this under my main account, so I guess this makes me a coward.)</p>

<p>
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All you can do is stop lying and cheating.

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<p>The problem is whenever I do these sorts of things...I don't think of them as lying, it doesn't feel morally wrong to me because I'm doing it out of survival. And it only comes back to bite me a couple years later when I've reexamined my actions objectively. So how does that help me not cheat now?</p>

6

<p>
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Anything you do in 7th grade shouldn't count. When you're a 7th grader, you don't appreciate the consequences of your actions at all and frankly it would just do little good to think about those mistakes so much.

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<p>Thanks, I guess that's true (maybe). I could've been 11 and not known better...but still. In my particular case -- how do I know I'm a different person now from then? It almost seems like I'd have to be presented with the exact same situation to see if I've actually changed. And given I lied on my college essays...well, I guess I still think the ends justify the means. Or at least I act like I do.</p>

<p>Oh, what am I saying. I knew cheating was wrong. I've known that since I was like five. And I did it anyway. I'm just not a moral person, that's all. :(</p>

<p>
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Oh and the problem is that <em>functionally</em> there isn't much of a difference between explicitly lying and merely distorting the truth.

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<p>It's a steep slippery slope.</p>

7

<p>In the end I don't think your lie was a very egregious one.... you misrepresented yourself, but it's part of the college process now to do ECs you don't like and then, directly or indirectly, implying that they're your "passion"--it's one of the pitfalls of the holistic process. It's kind of like saying "No, you don't look fat in that dress"-- most people don't even spare a thought about it afterwards.</p>

<p>And yes, plagiarizing is a big deal but it's far behind you. Just trust yourself not to do it again. :)</p>

8

<p>Congratulations on becoming the writer of the nerdiest post I've ever read.</p>

<p>That is quite an accomplishment, considering you're on CC.</p>

9

<p>"n the end I don't think your lie was a very egregious one.... you misrepresented yourself, but it's part of the college process now to do ECs you don't like and then, directly or indirectly, implying that they're your "passion"--it's one of the pitfalls of the holistic process. I"</p>

<p>It's only part of the college process for people who are liars.</p>

<p>Both of my sons had ECs that truly were so much their passions that effective punishments would have been to prevent their participating in those ECs.</p>

<p>There really are students and other people who do ECs because they love them, but to decorate their resume.</p>

<p>If that's not true for you, it's sad because instead of boring yourself by doing dull things to polish your resume, you could have been trying out things that you really liked. The loss is yours, not the colleges, because in the end, you are the one who chose to have a grit-your-teeth-and-endure life instead one that had activities that gave you joy.</p>

10

<p>In fourth grade I lied to my favorite teacher and said that I finished reading a book when I actually didn't. I still sometimes feel guilty about it.</p>

11

<p>Wow, you people are crazy. I cheat probably every week, to be honest, and help people cheat. Not like a whole test, but whisper answers to one or two questions. Seriously, tests are such BS, who cares if you cheat on one or two answers? It's actually kinda fun to come up with crazy ideas like pen messages, using Morse code, or water bottle labels. Or writing answers on erasers and passing those. That works too. Haha, good times.</p>

<p>Anyways, rory26, suck it up. You sound like a great person. 7th grade, no one cares about, and as for lying on the college essay... I'm sure most people do. Just get over it and do whatever feels right. Sometimes cheating is more morally correct than not cheating.</p>

12

<p>And for the record, the ends justify the means.</p>

13

<p>O. M. G.</p>

<p>You cheated. How dare you! Ruiner of life, of everything that is sacred and holy in this world. How could you stoop to that level? How absolutely terrible to the people who did not cheat, ever! You demean everything that it is to be a student!! You should be rescinded from college! AHHHHHHH</p>

<p>I'm totally kidding, if you didn't figure that out yet.
Seriously, don't stress. Cheating/lying is not good at all, but you feel bad about it. This is good! Then just don't do it again. You will feel better. With a conscience, the only thing that you are really hurting when you cheat/lie is yourself. Quite simple, really</p>

14

<p>Hm. If it was seventh grade, I'd definitely put it behind me. But I think what you've gotta be concerned about is (and you seem to understand this) that this does not become a pattern that carries on into the future. The only thing you can do about seventh grade is forgive yourself.</p>

<p>To be brutally honest about your essay, that was not an honest decision. It was not a misrepresentation; it was a lie. I am not going to go on; because probably whatever I am going to say your conscience already knows it. But I am glad that you have enough of a moral awareness as well as self-awareness to be reflective about your actions. You want to redeem yourself? Confession is a first step, commitment is the second. Take a deep, hard, long look at yourself - is integrity a cornerstone of your principles? Commit yourself 100% to it then. Perhaps you can find someone you trust who can be your accountability partner. </p>

<p>I disagree with njwhitekid bigtime...I am going to be judgemental here but he has got seriously questionable morals. Whatever you do...just remember that if you are caught you are going to learn the hard way - do you really want to take that risk?</p>

15

<p>Do you go to church?</p>

<p>Why don't you just confess there? I don't think confessing yourself here is going to get you anything more than good advice if you're looking for a moral/soulful upgrade.</p>

<p>Talk to someone. Keeping it inside is going to kill you. Talk to anyone -parents, preacher, best friend, and ask for their advice. I don't know you as well as those people so my advice is not going to be that good. If you want some privacy, than go to a psychologist. They are the professionals.</p>

16

<p>In 7th grade, we had to do an assignment each quarter based on a classic novel we were supposed to have read from a list. I only read one out of my four (and BSed the projects). I still feel guilty about that.</p>

17

<p>It was 7th grade. Let it go. Besides, your dad helped you. I know of people who still had their parents writing their essays for them well into high school and even on college applications. You feel guilty about it, so that's indication enough that cheating makes you uncomfortable and you won't do it again. As for the essay, a little bit of embellishment is fine. The essay as a whole still reflects you as a person. They want you to tell a story, your story. It's still your voice, your message, even if it's not exactly what happened. I wrote my essay as a narrative of something that happened ten years ago. There's no way I remembered dialogue verbatim. I got compliments from adcoms about my essay. You aren't a liar. Relax. And the part about biology? I'm sure there's more truth behind what you wrote than you realize.</p>

18

<p>I shoplifted once :-( I was about 10 or 11. I was at a supermarket and I realized that we didn't have candles for my birthday. I quickly ran to the candle aisle and put candles in my pocket, fully intending to hand the candles to my mom who was on the other side of the store. I ran to my mom and noticed that she was buying ice cream. I started looking at the different types of wonderful, wonderful ice cream. Candles forgotten. 5 hours later, cried a bit.
Berate me please.
I guess my point is that what happened in the past serves as a reminder as what not to do. Regret's good and all, but you can't change the past; move on and realize that you'll probably be more averse to such actions in the future.
By the way, do any of you think that this event would be good to write about for my college essay? haha</p>

19

<p>don't worry about it!! it's in 7th grade and you know what they say, 9th grade is a blank slate :)</p>

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<p>to the OP ... as I approached my 40th birthday a few things I had done wrong as a kid were really bothering me. In each case I figured out a course of action and retribution that I thought compensated for my mistakes 25-30 years earlier. In your case maybe apologizing or confessing to someone (the teacher, a priest, your parent, etc) and doing something like making a donation to your town's library fund might help clear your mind. I know some posters are making light of your situation ... I believe I understand where you are coming from ... these are not terrible crimes but something you wish you had not done ... so I'd suggest admit your wrong doing to someone, make retribution, forgive yourself, and move on. FYI - personally I'm pretty impressed that your inner voice remembers this instances ... it shows how much you want to do the right thing!</p>