I was an eager high school kid. I was trying to prove to myself and my parents that I was going to move as far away as I could and still be in our state souley on the fact that at that point in time I wanted to get away, I wanted to be on my own, I hated my town, I was sick of everything here.
I went on and graduated and spent my last few months in my town with my family before I would end up going 200 miles away. I didn’t realize it at the time but I grew close with my family and I matured and realized I really do like this town and it’s really not that bad.
I had to pay a fee of $250 that was non refundable out of pocket to ensure I was going to this school. I did and I felt like I was trapped. The closer the time got to moving this far away was making me sick and I pushed it to the back of my head. I talked myself to continue to go to this school because I didn’t wanna give into the fact that I was wrong on my choice and disappoint my parents. I ended up getting to this school and I felt trapped. I felt sick and when I mean sick, I mean not being able to eat anything, not being able to sleep, utterly making my stomach and my mind flip in a million directions.
I am a smaller town girl that moved to a town where I have to take a bus 15 minutes to get to classes. I came home for the dead week before school starts and I’m making myself sick at the fact I have to move back there tomorrow. I hate this so much. I have a week to drop my classes and I don’t know if I should do that or just stick it out for the first semester and make myself miserable or just go home and transfer to a school 45 minutes away and is more my paced at semester?
Sorry this is so long…
Have you actually started school, or will this be your first term?
This will be my first term at a uni, I have taken college courses before when I was in high school over the summer.
Two choices: don’t start at all- find something else to do for a year and apply to nearby schools. If you do a semester of college you lose any first-year scholarships, etc.
Or, take a deep breath and find a way to release some of your anxiety. Many students who are excited to spread their wings and do something adventurous get cold feet as the reality gets closer. Leaving home can be scary.
Obviously, I don’t know you & I can’t know if the best thing for you is to power through your anxiety, but I think it’s worth thinking through. You sound nearly panicked and when people are in that place they can’t see clearly or think through the pieces. Not everybody is meant to go outside their comfort zone, and if you are too anxious it will be miserable for you. But I do believe that one of the great things about college is stretching yourself a bit: meeting new people, having new experiences, learning about yourself and how you see the world. A big part of you wanted that, and fought hard to get it.
Why not give it a chance for a semester? You may find lots to like there.
I guess I can give the semester a try but it’s just extremely scary because I do not know a singe person there and I’m not much into going out, especially in a place that I don’t know very well. I am trying to see the positives of all of this, I really am but I do not do well I’m stressed, I tend to shut down. I am a fairly independent person before I moved and didn’t think the big city would bother me. I chose the school mostly because it was far away and I didn’t think about if I was really comfortable with that choice and that’s why I feel like freaking out because I am not comfortable in the setting and atmosphere of this school.
Remember that every single person in your class is also new, and most of them also do not know a single person. Everybody is unsure of themselves, everybody thinks that other people are more confident, nobody knows where the bathrooms are or what is the right thing to wear. Everybody is looking at everybody else trying to figure out ‘do I fit in?’ who are these people? ‘why am I the only one who…’.
Scary is hard; mastering scary gives an amazing sense of accomplishment.
Is this a commuter college? The university also knows that everybody is new, and they do a lot of things to help the new students settle in.
This college can be a commuter college, it is not required to live on campus your first year. But it’s 200 miles away from home. I could go to a commuter college in my town but I didn’t wanna be a disappointment to my parents.
Is this school easily affordable for your family? If you transfer to a different place, will that one also be easily affordable, or will you be giving up an opportunity to have a significant scholarship by enrolling somewhere else first?
Lots of students defer enrollment for a semester or a year even at a very late date like this one. Lots of others decide to permanently withdraw their enrollment. If you do decide to withdraw, remember that in the long run that $250 deposit is small change.
If you do decide to stick it out, make an appointment with a counselor at student health so that you can get some help working through your anxiety. It is likely that you will face many other changes throughout your live, and this can be an opportunity for you to develop the tools for handling those changes.
Wishing you all the best!
P.S. 15 minute bus rides are great for getting in a bit of last minute studying in the morning, and for getting some obligatory quiet time on the way home in the afternoon.
You mentioned that you came home for dead week. Didn’t this school have any WOW week activities (week of welcome?) Did you miss these opps by going home during this time?
Take it one step at a time. Put your headphones on and listen to some calming music. Eat small comfort foods in small portions (Teddy Graham’s, licorice, fish crackers) until you can tolerate meal sized foods.
You will see other students by themselves. Go up and make conversation, (hi! Do you know where the financial aid office is? Where can I get something quick to eat?)
Small steps.
If not, go back home, work, then try again next year. No biggie.
Happymomof1 - I am paying for college myself and have a loan that would transfer to the college that is closer here, I didn’t get any scholarships.
I have never had anxiety before and I had no idea where it came from and I think that’s why I panicked…but who knows. Thank you much for your advise. I thought about going to the school counselor but I have no idea where it’s at…
Don’t hide behind disappointing your parents. This is about you standing up and taking responsibility for yourself as a fledgling adult.
By your own description you fought for this opportunity because you wanted to see a bigger world. IMO, 200 miles is just not an overwhelming distance (says she with D1 6000 miles away, D2 800 miles away, and who knows what’s next).
This is your decision to make, but please make it thoughtfully, not out of panic and anxiety. Going away is a big change, and it will change you. Staying put is easier and has fewer unknowns in the short term.
Mom2collegekids… No there is nothing going on at the school for this week…otherwise I would’ve stayed there. Roommates are both completely different than I am
nicole2278 - In your package of welcome materials, there should be information about all the various offices that provide different kinds of counseling and health services. If you can’t figure out which office is the best one for the help you want to get, that doesn’t really matter. All of them will be able to refer you to the other offices and pretty soon you will end up at the right one.
If your roommates don’t click with your personality, it can feel somewhat isolated. So understand that they are not going to be your best buds. You will live there and sleep there, but your life will be outside of those 4 walls.
You have to keep yourself busy and that would involve finding a job on campus, or volunteering for a club or office. You are allowed to explore friendships outside of your roommates.
Right now my dd, who is a senior this year (900 miles away), is busy making posters for her club, to invite entering freshman. Her club is providing small water bottles, snacks and free shirts to anyone who wants to come by their table at the student union.
Go near your bookstore and see if they are giving away any freebies; usually someone is giving away all kinds of “junk” near the student union buildings. At my son’s small college, the alumni association gave away wool blankets (not the itchy wool!)
Go check out the gym and the rock climbing walls-only open to students.
There’s lots to do, and it’s very DIFFERENT from high school because you won’t be judged if you’re by yourself. A lot of kids will be doing the exact same thing!
This is one of those times in life when you are challenged to gather all your courage and bravery in order to discover a whole new world. Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, it seems like every other person on campus has it all together and has all the friends they need. But you don’t know what is waiting for you on the other side of this scary new beginning. If you could time travel a couple of years ahead, you would most likely be reassured that your choice was indeed a good one.
It takes a real effort to dig into what this new life has to offer. Sitting in your room alone will not bring about the new life you had hoped for when you decided to go away and see the world. It takes guts to walk up and volunteer for a service project, or even to walk up to your neighbor in your dorm and say hello. It all starts with baby steps.
If you pack up and go home, will you feel like a failure? Will running from this challenge haunt you? Only you can know what is best for you. But realize that wherever you go to school, you will be challenged. You will still have to meet new people, make new friends, etc.
Try to get to a calm, peaceful state of mind before you make any decisions. Talk with your parents, open up and be honest with them. It is normal to feel scared and uncertain. They know you well, and will be able to help guide you to see things from a clearer perspective. Your parents will love you no matter what.
Powercopper - I wouldn’t really feel like a faliure because I would know that I have another option and the option that I want waiting for me. I talked to my parents and since they have never been to college and my brother has never been either, they don’t have much answer for any of my questions. They either say I don’t know or they say come home or give it a try and decide after a week. I don’t know what to do
Have you paid any tuition that you will lose at your current school? I’m a little confused as to how you can pay for this school on your own - how much money are you spending a year and how much do you plan to borrow?
I’m not sure what the best answer is, but one thing I would tell my 18-year old self is to stop basing decisions on my parents or my hometown. I let much of that drive me at your age (and beyond).
This is your life, and it’s now up to you to do what is best for YOU, regardless of what anybody else thinks (unless your parents are paying and even then there are options). That’s the first major step of maturity.
If you were a coach, or mentor to yourself, what would you tell YOU is best for you? Have you sought out a neutral party to talk with, to make sure that you’re not talking yourself out of this new experience? Is there any validity to staying and then transferring if things don’t improve?
And maybe you don’t need to escape your hometown to be your own person. There’s validity in that too.
I encourage you to find a neutral counselor to sound all this out.
Good luck, whatever you decide. And even if you decide “wrong” - you can reverse course. All is not lost.