I couldn't think of a enticing title...but please grade essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>A better understanding of other people contributions to the development of moral virtues. We shall be both kinder and fairer in our treatment of others if we understand them better. Understanding ourselves and understanding others are connected, since as human beings we all have things in common.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>People often look at others to search for sufficient solutions to determine who they are. While comparing would lead an individual with higher standards, individuals do not need other people in order to understand who they are as. Rather people just need time to ponder to really understand who they are.</p>

<p>For instance, many jail bergs suddenly have epiphanies after spending years confined in a cell. Exactly what Tom Lenox experienced during his ten year sentence. Lenox was arrested for assault and battery and was sentenced to prison for ten years. Lenox was aggravated at first, but after spending years in a cell without the influence of the outside world really got him to understand himself and how ridiculous his actions were. Lenox’s epiphany of who he was made him realize that the terrible things he did was not necessary. </p>

<p>In another situation, Buddhist monks live similarly to how imprisoned criminals lived. Buddhist yearned for a life of recluse from the negative influences of the outside world. Buddhist spends most of their days meditating in their tranquil temple. They knew that having people from the outside world around would hinder themselves from truly understanding the meaning of their life. Buddhist develops their moral virtues through their religion and meditation and without the need of other people. </p>

<p>People think it’s necessary to have other people in their life to truly understand themselves. But the lives of Tom Lenox and the Buddhist monks lived proved that to truly understand oneself, one must take time to really think instead of being influenced by the “outside world” to tell you who you are. For without the time to really ponder about oneself, one is just an opinion of other people’s conscience. </p>

<p>Kinda short but its my first few times timing my essay...25 minutes is a short time to write an essay...i mean really.</p>

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<p>1) what’s a jail berg? Use more commonly-used words, not slang.
2) use complete sentences, not * Exactly what Tom Lenox experienced during his ten year sentence.*
3) use active, vivid verbs, not “people look” or “got him to understand”
4) examples are a bit lame, especially phrases like" People think it’s necessary to have other people Too vague. Not enough depth. This might have been stronger if you use something in literature. Shakespeare, Pearl S. Buck, Steinbeck, or at least the song “People who need people” or “No man is an island”.
5) you might want to write a compare/contrast format, rather than use very similar examples of the same situation.
I’d be harsh grading this. try again, using my suggestions.</p>