I-day, to go or not to go...

Colleges and Universities A-Z Service Academy Parents
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<p>The perspective of two different academies is sure interesting...</p>

<p>we have usservicemom who son is a USMA:

[quote]
My son knew very definitely that he wanted to go to R-Day on his own. It was a decision he made as soon as he saw the details of the packaged trip that West Point offers. The day you say goodbye is a special day whether you say goodbye in the driveway, the airport, or in some big hall at an academy.

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<p>And then the view of parents whose kids are at Navy:

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has seen fit to involve the parents throught the day w/ various activities and presentations while the kids are being processed

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</p>

<p>
[quote]
For parents, it somehow makes that long stretch of plebe summer more bearable.

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<p>
[quote]
We had a nice picnic

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<p>West Point caters to the kids while Navy caters to the parents.</p>

<p>Bill - this isn't about YOU. It is about your adult child. It is a good thing he didn't enlist in the Marines - if he had then he would have been picked up at home or the recruiting station and probably faced a long bus ride to his Marine provided transportation to Parris Island. YOU would not have a choice.
Perhaps those who enlist can handle the transition from home better than those who report to the academy.</p>

<p>Parents should be berating other parents and their children if they can not attend or if their child does not want them to attend. Each family situation is different.</p>

22

<p>This is the parent's forum. That is why MY sentiment is expressed as a parent [notice the "I"].</p>

<p>I would feel two things: MY child was being selfish and I there was a fault in OUR relationship. </p>

<p>I specifically said "to each his own" as in, whatever YOU feel is appropriate for your circumstances is a decision YOU will have to make.</p>

<p>But, as usual, nobody really reads what is written and they only spit out a
message that fits whatever it is they want to say. There was no mention that if YOUR child chooses to exclude YOU, that was indicative of what YOUR relationship was. I clearly, and deliberately, said I would feel there was a fault in OUR relationship.</p>

<p>Perhaps those who enlist handle it better because those persons are trying to get away from something wheras those who attend Academies are, it might be surmised, choosing a lifestyle w/ the support of loving, involved parents. Or not. In other words, if the shoe don't fit, don't wear it.</p>

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<p>try it again - take out the word "bold" and subsitute "b".</p>

<p>yeah Bill -
[quote]
or not.

[/quote]
Plenty of kid who enlist come from homes with loving, involved parents. Likewise, there are plenty of mids/cadets who choose an academy to get away from "something".</p>

<p>You are right - feelings are feelings - neither right nor wrong. But - it is possible for parents to feel that their relationship with their child is so secure that their relationship is not threatened if their child doesn't want them there.</p>

25

<p>JAM4. Thank you for a response that recognizes what was written.</p>

<p>Compared to the General of Generalization.
What was written:</p>

<p>Perhaps [as in possibly but not certainly and without concluding] those who enlist handle it better [assuming they handle it better but, in any event, responding to an earlier post] because those persons are trying to get away from something [conjecture; just guessing as to a possible reason] wheras those who attend Academies are, it might be surmised, [once again, guessing, but not asserting] choosing a lifestyle [many would agree that the Academies are a "lifestyle"] w/ the support of loving, involved parents. [This probably happens in many circumstances.] Or not. [But, sometimes it does not.]</p>

<p>So, where is the generalization? Generalizations are generally thought to be conclusions about a class of persons.</p>

<p>I might guess [as in MIGHT GUESS but do not conclude] the English program at the Academy back in 69 wasn't real strong? Or, JUST POSSIBLY and as an alternative explantion, do you choose to respond in a way that fits what you want to say w/out reading the posts? The latter seems to be consistent w/ what many think.</p>

<p>Thank you very much. Since I you always have to have th elast word, I will now go on to making aliving . . .</p>

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<p>^^^^Thanks for attempting to reexplain but it was perfectly clear the first time. Might I remind you that commenting on the quality of my English education might be considered a superfluous personal attack</p>

<p>Now let me add waffling to my original statement:

[quote]
waffling, sweeping incorrect stereotypical overgeneralizations

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</p>

<p>How's that?</p>

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<p>


</p>

<p>I can tell you that I have one boy who enlisted and is currently in Iraq as a Corpsman for the Marines AND 1 boy who is at a Service Academy and they both choose their lifestyle with the support of loving, involved parents! Your generalization about those enlisting is a slap in the face to those men and women who choose this route as opposed to an "academy." I have both and can speak from experience.</p>

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<p>remarkable how we manage to head down the path of controversy on a subject-question that at first blush seemed rather benign.... </p>

<p>txtwinmom; </p>

<p>If you can afford to go and your son/daughter is at all inclined to have you there, then by all means go; for both of you. If this is your first out of the house it will obviously be something of a change for you and your family. I-day and the Plebe summer that will follow is nothing like heading off to college; you can read about it, hear about it from friends and those that have been through it, but until you experience it (and in many ways each experience is unique) you really can't fully appreciate how much of a change it will be. The good news is the vast majority of kids that begin the process on I-day are still there on PPW. Many of those kids experience I-day without their parents. </p>

<p>For your son/daughter, that change and the associated stress, abrupt as it is; begins on I-day once they walk through the doors of Alumni Hall. I think for many of young men and women that go through that first day, having the ability to reconnect with their parents and family members at the end of that first day and the beginning of Plebe summer is a net positive. </p>

<p>We also wrote to our son as often as we could, his younger brothers did as well and we sent care packages.</p>

29

<p>LET YOUR KID DECIDE!</p>

<p>I think that most parents want what is best for their children. If your soon-to-be mid/cadet feels it would be better with or without saying goodbye RIGHT THERE, please respect that. It is probably not some flip decision they just made.</p>

<p>Each academy does things differently. USAFA's I-day is not particularly parent supportive. The focus is on the new cadets. If my parents had come, they would have had the honor of standing around and talking to an upperclassmen or an officer...i.e. stuff we had done already. Instead of spending several hundred dollars per person, and adding to an already emotional, stressful day, I asked to go alone. I said my goodbyes at the airport (it was nice). I had no desire/reason not to dive in head first on I-day. At least for me, it turned out well.</p>

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<p>I didn't go to I Day for USNA, my husband did. By not spending the $$ on the plane ticket for me, we were able to bring my Mid's older sister out for the end of Plebe Summer. It was the right decision for us. I would have liked to go out for both, but the finances weren't there.</p>

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<p>As a nation we see many of our youth struggling with substance abuse, gangs, dropping out of school, teen pregnancy, crime. Some of our leaders blame 'failing schools' for these problems, but we know better. Families are failing to love and take care of their children for whatever reason, poverty, substance abuse, incarceration, etc. The truth is that NCLB is underfunded and full of empty promises as evidenced by the new silver bullet 'Pell Grants for Kids.' Give me a break! First, we drastically cut Pell Grants for university students then give them to primary students, in Washington, D.C., no less! If our government really wants to make a difference they should mandate parenting classes for families of struggling students at the first sign of trouble. Of course, this is the opposite end of the spectrum for this discussion, but I just had share my POV on this recent lunacy.</p>

<p>My parenting philosophy is that one knocks themselves out for their kids from the minute they're born (even before that). Love, nurture, teach, guide, feed, protect, counsel, support them so that the child will grow and thrive physically, emotionally, spiritually and will one day be able to successfully navigate life using the self-confidence, skills and wisdom they gleaned from either their parents or other loving adults in their world. In other words, my job as a parent was to gradually release control over my child as she became more capable of solving increasingly more complex problems independently. Was that easy to do? No, but it was necessary. </p>

<p>Did we spend the first day of high school on campus with our kids? Do families accompany their enlistees to Great Lakes or Parris Island and tour the facilities? Then why should induction day at a military academy be any different? This is a solemn and serious event for the appointees to be processed and take the oath as young adults. Will there be other occasions for families to tour the historic campus and receive the SAME briefings given on I-Day? Yes, in years past expanded briefings that included I-Day information were given again at PPW. In fact, much MORE information is given at PPW. Do the midshipmen reaffirm their oath after Plebe Summer? Yes, at PPW and again when they sign their two for seven papers at the beginning of 2nd class year. </p>

<p>Blame it on our Teutonic/Germanic DNA, but my18 year-old appointee wanted to fly 3,000 miles to BWI and take care of business on her own. Seemed appropriate and reasonable to me so I respected her wishes. We have a great relationship and I was proud, not hurt by her choice. No regrets. After all, this young woman had been to Washington, D.C., on numerous occasions, seen much of the world with her family, attended Summer Seminar, and just renewed her passport for the fourth time. At least 10 other unaccompanied USNA victims were on the same flight. In fact, one of the girls was the third child in her family to attend USNA and her parents (former naval aviator dad) didn't go to any of the three I-Days, though they could well afford to.</p>

<p>I think it would be reasonable to close the Yard to the public on I-Day and run shuttles between BWI on I-Day minus one for those flying in; those arriving by car could be dropped off at the Navy Marine Corps Stadium and take the shuttle to Alumni Hall.</p>

<p>Don't blame me if this comes to pass. Excuse me while I don my Kevlar vest and helmet! :)</p>

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<p>"I think it would be reasonable to close the Yard to the public on I-Day"</p>

<p>For me, it would be a sad day indeed if USMA closed R-day to the public. Each to their own, but my cadet who is strong willed, independent and well travelled wanted to share the experience with us, and we are glad he did! The address we received from the Supe, Comm and First Captain were not repeated at PPW, and the Oath Ceremony was unlike any of the other parades we have attended. Of course USNA may be different, but I for one am glad the parents are included in the R-day experience (from a distance with no new cadet contact after the 90 second goodbye...).</p>

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<p>Wow, thanks for all of the opinions! I have recently found out about the Bed and Breakfast program at USAFA for I-Day. That program makes me feel much better about sending my wonderful, independent daughter to the Academy with out me. The Air Force Academy does not really cater to parents on I-Day so I think I will be o-k and I know that daughter will be. This day and the Academy is all about her and not me or her dad.
Again, thanks for all the help in making this difficult decisions.</p>

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<p>Am I the only person having fits of laughter while reading this thread? (I am not referring to the last post.) It’s great that everyone is “making nice” which also sets a good example for any young people who may be reading these threads. Eleventh commandment: “Thou shall not fight in front of the kids.” I especially liked the comments about respecting the wishes of the son/daughter. Okay, since we have the term “Helicopter Moms,” what is the nomenclature for dads?</p>

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<p>txtwinmom - the B&B program is WONDERFUL. My D's B&B host family took several photo's of D on their cell phone and sent to my cell throughout the day ... better than that ... several days later I received in the mail a disposable camera from I-Day! I ran to the local one hour photo and had the day in pictures! I had called them prior to D leaving and had lots of questions that they answered readily. Though I have not been in touch since (D has different Sponsor family), I will never be able to thank them enough for what they did for me (not to mention D). D tells me B&B was so so so much better than being nervous with mom and dad in some hotel the night before. It is a great program and I truly recommend it to anyone. The surprise disposable camera was one of the best gifts a mom could ever receive!</p>

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<p>


Not at all. ROTFLMAO. Last year when this very subject came up, I made the exact same comment as raimus, to let the candidate decide. I was met with a total firestorm of 'Bill's, and they weren't nearly as waffley (intentional illiterate USNA educated misspelling of a non-word). Thankfully, he is the exception this year.</p>

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<p>I've actually found this thread informative - it is always interesting to see the differences between the Academies.</p>

<p>txtwinmom: "This day and the Academy is all about her and not me or her dad." Agreed - good luck to your daughter!</p>

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<p>I agree Ann, and it's making me feel better because our D also wants to do it alone. I think partly because she doesn't want the emotions and partly because she knows it's a big expense for only a few minutes of family time(USAFA). So like txtwinmom, I was overjoyed to hear about this B&B program. I know I'm becoming redundant, but I cannot say it enough, this forum has helped me tons in the past few weeks. Thanks to all for the info and just for sharing.</p>

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<p>B&B (USAFA) is a great program. I was able to stay at the home of a '62 (IIRC) grad, and got a great meal and good advice. There was another appointee there, as well. It was good to meet people who had and who were about to go through the same thing. </p>

<p>I was very nervous on I-day, and I knew I would be. I wanted to go alone because I felt it would be easier emotionally (IMO it was) and it was also simpler and cheaper for my family and I. I didn't want to pay a $1000+ just to have an emotional goodbye at the AOG building, when we were just fine saying goodbye at the airport.</p>

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<p>A few weeks ago I realized that I would not be with either of my twins on their 18th b-day. (One at academy, one in Europe) My dh said with a great deal of satisfaction "That's what we get for raising two intelligent, independent daughters."<br>
Like Ann and flymom have said, this forum and all of you have helped us make decisions concerning our SA bound daughter because I know most (if not all) have raised the same type of children.
Thanks for all of your help</p>