I-day, to go or not to go...

Colleges and Universities A-Z Service Academy Parents
41

<p>I have been going through all of our pictures in the proceess of bulding a slide show for our son's graduation from USAFA class of 2008. Here are some of my random thoughts about I day:</p>

<p>We wanted to go to I-Day, our son wanted to go alone. He received his medical waiver two weeks before I day so it was too late to get him into the Bed and Breakfast so I booked a room for him at one of the hotels that was on the shuttle run from the Academy. I was very concerned, my son was not! His grand parents came with us to drop him off at the airport so they had a chance to be a part of the day. At the airport we ran into several other appointees so our good byes were very quick and we have picutres of our son with a bi grin on his face heading through security with his new friends. They had a connection flight in Dallas where he said that they just looked for kids that looked like them and by the time they missed their connecting flight into the Springs they had a group of about 15 "Doolies". He ended up getting a ride from the airport with another appointee who was with his parents, and ordered room service for himself that night. He slept in and arrived at the Academy at about 8:30 feeling very much in control and relaxed. Which of course changed as soon as he got on the bus at Doolittle Hall. He has said since then that he wouldn't have done it any other way.</p>

<p>We did not see our son until Parents weekend, at which time he was very happy to see us, but also very sure of himself. </p>

<p>We have a very close relationship but have learned to back off and not be the "most overprotective parents in the world" (his words from senior year in high school). </p>

<p>What I did do though was send several cards to his PO Box before he left and then every day from then on so he would be sure to have mail for the first mail call. He said that was very important!</p>

<p>What we have learned to get information on a "need to know" basis and be there when he needed us as a sounding board. It has been tough at times but looking back we are so amazed what the academy experience has given our son!</p>

42

<p>(Directed more towards the students and not the parents) Just an opinion based on my personal experience. When I left home at 17 years old; back in 1979; I wanted it to be on my own also. I didn't think about how it would affect my parents, just that I was ready to leave. I knew they couldn't go all the way with me anyway because I lived on the east coast and the Air Force was pretty far away. But, I didn't even let my parents take me to the airport. I had them take me to the train station near home and we said our good-byes. The train took me to the airport and I flew out. I didn't think much of it.</p>

<p>When I came home the first time; Christmas; I found out from my dad how hard it was on my mom that day. Thinking back, I should have at least let them drive me to the airport. At lease let the process of leaving involve them a little more. If it's not practical for the parents to follow you all the way to the academy you are attending, at least get them very involved in your leaving. Let them stay with you as far as possible. e.g. to the airport. The final week or so prior to your leaving, make sure you let your parents know how much you love them and that you really do appreciate everything they have done for you the last 17-18 years. (Including DAD. Many guys have this TOUGH non emotional macho attitude, but they do want and NEED to hear this too.) Let them know that you will miss them. let them know that you hope they can visit when possible and that you look forward to when you get to come home and visit.</p>

<p>Too many feelings and emotions are kept inside with the premise that both sides "Knows how the other one feels". While this is basically true, parents really do need to hear it from you. Now 30 years later, and preparing for my son to leave for the Air Force Academy in June, I really DO understand the feelings that I have but didn't know MY parents had. One thing you will learn, especially if you stay in the military as a career, is how short life really is. Never miss an opportunity to let those you love such as your parents and family know how you feel. Hard to explain, just trust me on this one.</p>

<p>If you and your parents have the financial means and/or convenience of being close to the academy where driving is an option, then by all means allow your parents to accompany you if they want to. Some parents might think it will be too difficult for them and not want to come, but if you can get them to go, then do it. It may seem difficult and emotional but both you and your parents need closure. Not closure as in never seeing you again, but closure as in you are no longer going to be 100% dependent on them. Them knowing that you are in good hands and will be safe and taken care of. That you are confident and secure with moving on with your life. If the parents CAN go and they don't; because you didn't want them to or they didn't want to go; both of you WILL regret it in the future. Again, only if it's practical. Parents shouldn't spend $2000 and time off of work to fly to New York, Maryland, or Colorado Springs unless they really can afford it.</p>

<p>This transition in your lives, and those of your parents, are quite unique compared to a normal college. A normal college allows basically 4 years of gradual independence for the student and the parent. At the academy, it's pretty immediate. You're not going to be calling home for advice about classes or the military. When you come home at Christmas your first semester, you and your parents are going to notice one hell of a change. Your attitude, confidence, maturity, independence, etc... You will see it when you see some high school friends over the christmas break. Your parents will "JUST SEE IT". Again, hard to explain, just trust me on this one.</p>

<p>Anyway, that's my $0.02. Some may not agree, and that's fine. Some may have a certain relationship where leaving immediately and alone is what they really need to do. Whatever your background and relationships are with your parents, just try to consider all sides of this. Again, this is mostly for the students/appointees. If the parents reading this can apply some of it to them and their kid, then that's cool. Obviously, it's up to the kid. My son wanted to know why I couldn't take him to the airport (5 minutes away) and see him off there. I told him; we are only 2 hours from the academy; we WILL take him there; and he WILL LIKE IT! LOL!!!! Actually, I explained basically what I just wrote here and he understands. He realizes that it's NOT JUST ABOUT HIM. Anyway, good luck to everyone.</p>

43

<p>US Coast Guard Academy usually has a wonderful "day before" schedule for the parents and families. Military band concerts, open house tours of the barracks (Chase Hall), family buffet dinner in the Cadet Wardroom, and a "Welcoming" reception hosted by one of the local parent's organizations in the evening.</p>

<p>Since R-Day begins at 7AM for the swabs, I think most people would arrive on Sunday and attend the "day before" events as well as hanging around all day on Monday (R-Day) waiting to say goodbye to your swab. Last year they had a "Search & Rescue" demonstration on the waterfront, and all the academic halls were open for visits on R-Day. A parents luncheon along with a speech from the Supe was also held, then out to watch the swearing-in ceremony on the parade field and a quick 15 minute goodbye. When the swabs march to their first military assignments, the Alumni Center hosts the parents and families once more for refreshments.</p>

<p>Yes, I understand it's a little easier to manage 275 sets of parents than 1,400. ;) </p>

<p>But it also seems like they want to include the families as part of their R-day traditions.</p>

<p>Our son wants all of us to be there, and I wouldn't miss it for anything.</p>

44

<p>My plebe flew up to WP using the package offered. We discussed the pros and cons and decided that for our family's circumstances it was the best choice.</p>

<p>Spending $1,000+ for a 90 second good-by seemed excessive. She was able to meet other soon-to-be new cadets at the hotel the night before and the bus ride to WP the following morning. (Safety in numbers? lol) And she didn't need my emotions adding to hers. </p>

<p>It would have been more me needing to be there than her needing me to be there. She is my youngest and as a parent, I miss each of my children, but I raised all of them to be independent and capable and it seemed a little stupid on my part to tell her she shouldn't make this trip on her own when we all knew what she would be facing when she got there. And this is the way she wanted to do it.</p>

<p>I also hadn't planned on going up for A-Day for financial reasons. But over the course of Beast, reading other WP parents postings about the event, and some of her comments during the very short phone calls and the letters she sent me, I decided to go. I am so happy I did. It was a once-in-a-lifetime memory, that I'll always cherish. If you can go - I strongly suggest it.</p>

<p>My d had had a rough Beast (along with most of the other new cadets), and when I wrote to tell her I was coming up, she wrote back saying she was glad I was coming, which was SO not typical of her. We had a great weekend (even though she was still sick with the cold she'd had all during Beast). We went to the PX to get her boodle box and tons of boodle. She was able to come back to my room for much-needed sleep and a private shower and she actually let me pamper her, which she really hadn't toleratred once she became a "teenager". </p>

<p>Definitely go to PPW, too. You aren't going to believe the maturity that an 18-year-old can develop in 3+ months. I'm told by the parents of older cadets, that there will be limited organized weekend events for the parents after PPW, so take advantage of as many of them as possible.</p>

<p>Some of the earlier postings were a little heated, but all are from parents that have done a great job raising exceptional kids. Whether the kids went with or without parents, it is/was the right choice for that family.</p>

45

<p>I believe that NAPSTRS and prior enlisted are processed on I-Day minus one, then they help process the remaining appointees on I-Day. Unaccompanied USNA appointees who fly to BWI arrive on I-Day minus one and take the USNA shuttle to the Yard. They are fed and spend the night in Bancroft Hall if they haven't made other arrangements. It was a good transition for my daughter to spend a night in Bancroft Hall before induction. She already had a sponsor family prior to I-Day who sent me lots of great pictures of my plebe and her plebe (prior Marine). I also found photos of my plebe on the official Navy website, <a href="http://www.navy.mil%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.navy.mil&lt;/a> and on the parents' websites. One of the photos on the parents' website is of her talking on a cell phone to me! </p>

<p>The service academies have established procedures and take very good care of unaccompanied plebes.</p>

46

<p>Wow! USAFA does it VERY differently. Unaccompanied basics can sign up to stay at a sponsor family's house the night before. It was a nice experience. I don't think I would have wanted to spend I-day minus 1 at the USAFA dorms...</p>

47

<p>raimius,
It sounds like a great program at USAFA. We visited the USAFA campus last summer during our drive across America. It's such a spectacular setting! My mid is a hardcore snowboarder/skier and let me just say that the Poconos are NOT the Sierra Nevada or the Rockies! :)</p>

48

<p>Go. It's worth it.</p>

49

<p>It was an awesome experience for our family..................I have many great memories from that emotional/roller-coaster day.</p>

<p>If possible try to go a day or two early.</p>

50

<p>My son wanted to travel alone and we stayed home. He stayed overnight at Bancroft Hall..and woke up and it was I Day. That night before I Day was lonely (not good cell service---no food around and no bedding) but he is now a Youngster and and I believe would still do it the same way. Going on Parents Weekend was one of the most memorable experiences of my life...The transformation was beyond belief.</p>

51

<p>So, from what I'm reading, USNA=GO, USAFA=either choice is decent.</p>

52

<p>Son would never have wanted to go alone. To him it was like starting college, just a bit early and a big bit different but in his mind he was leaving for college. He never even entertained the thought of going it alone.</p>

53

<p>I think the navy=go and air force=either depends. The Navy obviously has programs and orientation type activities for the parents. The air force doesn't. If you weren't in driving distance of the air force; or had the extra money to fly and it doesn't bother you to spend it; then going to the air force to drop off your son/daughter might not be worth it. Just realize that you're probably going to say goodbye for a couple of minutes and then realize that it's all over. Time to leave. However, some parents turn it into a family vacation. They pack up the entire family and go off to vacation the area. There is so much there to vacation to. Then they make the last part of the vacation a couple of days in colorado springs where they will drop off the cadet. If you can't make it into a vacation or you don't live within driving distances, then it's probably better to save the money and come down for family weekend on labor day weekend.</p>

54

<p>CGA=definitely go if possible. Almost all had families there with many having extended families and girlfriends. Didn't notice any boyfriends, though there may have been some. :-)
Lots of activities planned for us and the swearing in ceremony at the end of the day was great, but emotional. Its really funny to compare their marching in not-so-straight lines that day with how great they do on Parent's weekend! We went 2 days ahead and left the day after r-day.</p>

55

<p>USMMA = Go. It was worth it to see him walk into the gym with his bag and fan in hand and turn around and say goodbye. Tears for mom as she watched her little boy leave boyhood :) Worth every penny of the travel money spent!</p>

56

<p>I need to change my original statement. I just asked my son again about going to I DAY alone. He said that staying alone at the academy the night before I DAY was quite possibly one of the worst days of his life. He said that he was totally alone and there was no one in sight of the room that they placed him in. He was fortunate to have other plebes on the same airplane but they would moved elsewhere once he checked in to Bancroft Hall. He actually told me to post this.</p>

<p>In addition, he said that it would have been easier for him to not have PVW. It would have been easier on him to go straight until Thanksgiving. It made it harder to go back to being a plebe after staying in the nice hotel/food/rest.</p>

57

<p>My mid who had just turned 18 shortly before I-Day told me afterwards that she was very comfortable flying from California to Maryland with a group of other unaccompanied appointees and would definitely recommend leaving the parents at Gate One or at home on induction day! However, she had probably traveled much more than the typical appointee because she was on her fourth passport and had flown unaccompanied to Europe and Washington, D.C., several times. In fact, at the moment she is snowboarding in the Alps. It's not a regular college where families help their kids move into their dorm rooms. Moreover, classmates will be coming from NAPS, the Fleet/Marine Corps, college, or Iraq without their families. I think all Navy parents would agree that it's a hyper-masculine environment where independence and maturity are important attributes. Let the candidate decide. Are families even invited to I-day this year? </p>

<p>PPW is a completely different situation and all parents who live some distance from Annapolis would probably agree that formation at the end of PPW was pretty melancholy!</p>

58

<p>Each academy's programs are VERY different. I-Day -1 at USNA sounds aweful to me. B&B through the USAFA AOG was great, IMO. Staying with an '62 grad and hearing his stories/advice helped me.</p>

59

<p>To go- not to go-
will default to (my now favorite term, adopted as it might be)...."SOC"...."secondary, optional and conditional."</p>

<ol>
<li><p>The candidate needs to report. For everyone else, SOC.</p></li>
<li><p>If your candidate wants to go it alone, great. If not, great. It is no badge of "honor," "courage" or mark of "maturity," "independence" or "worldliness" to go it alone, nor is it some mark of weakness or lack-thereof "not to." </p></li>
<li><p>BTDT. Went with 26 other "family" members. They couldn't keep me away if they tried. Dad wasn't being denied either. Ditto to the aunts and uncles, "Oma" (at 80) and "Nana" (not much younger)- add in cousins and godparents, sisters and girlfriend, and one "very little" puppy.....the later dressed in her own plebe gear! (SHE made it to the front page of the local paper- go figure!!!!) You can bet that picture has a prominant spot in the scrapbook on the "I-DAY" page!!! They all joined us for 3 really great days in Annapolis.... and each said they "wouldn't have missed it for the world"... and several told us they were "honored" to have attended!!! All to get up at o-dark-thirty, for a bus ride to the yard, a fast-moving line in front of alumni hall, then the "time to kill" until the oath of office.... 90 degree heat- one thunderstorm??? (or was that the day before???)...and not one complaint...."it was an honor to attend!!!"</p></li>
<li><p>In retrospect: would not have done it ANY other way. It was a great day, and up to that point in time I don't think I ever felt "prouder" of our mid - and of ALL OF THEM.... than watching them take the oath of office for the first time. I am finding out it was just the start of "many" proud moments.</p></li>
<li><p>If you can afford it, and you have the time, then make the time to go. If you can't, don't beat yourself up over it- there will be lots of plebes on their own and lots of families that will adopt them for the day. The world will not end and you will not be labeled a "bad parent" if you opt out. Nor are you a "helo-parent" if you opt in. This is a day long in the making, and don't let anyone try to tarnish it with "it's time to cut the apron strings" rubbish. With time, it all comes. </p></li>
<li><p>All the above, of course, SOC to what YOUR new plebe wants. If they make it SOC, then default to what you can do! </p></li>
<li><p>In some circumstances there are family events to attend the day before I-Day. While this may not apply to some, it will apply to others. Coaches, foundation folks- to name just 2- have events for the incoming plebe and family the day prior to I-Day. If you can, attend- it's a nice icebreaker to meet other families. If not, don't worry- lots of other opportunities.</p></li>
<li><p>No, you will not be moving things into the dorm (thank goodness for that). In fact, you won't be doing anything much between the time of your last hug at Alumni Hall until you see them after the Oath on Stribling. You, and hundreds more like you, will be roaming around the yard, smiling at every glimpse of any mid walking anywere, heck, smiling at everyone and anyone, finding your way through the maze that is the Midstore, buying your "plebe of whatever" tee shirt.... and making sure your Mid's name is on it (lest someone made a mistake!!!)...perhaps stopping in the Chapel to light a candle and sharing a few words of "thanks" with the Almighty. The time will drag and it will fly, and then you get to see them all file out for the Oath of Office and then you get to see them for just a short time after that - just enough to reassure you that "all is well" and it's "one day down." And then you go home and you sit in their room and you look at their baby pictures and you wonder how you ever got to this point in time and how fast the years have gone. And you feel overwhelming pride and you cry all over again, and it's "all good."</p></li>
<li><p>Hyper masculine environmnet or not (not sure I agree with that- it is what you make it)- the one common denominator is the "look" on all the faces that find their way to Stribling.... a combination of "joy, relief, exhaustion, excitement".... there is no mistaking it, and it's everywhere- on the faces of plebes, the moms and dads, the officers, and even on the cadre (this is a "first" for them as well!!!) And then everyone falls back into formation and march back into bancroft, and you make that longer than long trip home. Or wherever. </p></li>
<li><p>lastly- I-Day minus "one" not so aweful- it's all what you make it. We heard from some families that spent the day doing "fun" stuff- visits to Washington DC, Busch Gardens, Ocean city..... for us, it was a b'bque hosted by the lax team "officers," then a wine-and-cheese gathering hosted by the foundation folks- then we all gathered for (what we all teased) was the "last supper".... found a great crabhouse right on the water.... a beautiful night of cracking crab with friends and family (another "first" for many!).... then a night stroll by the city dock area for some ice cream.... then home to bed. Not sure if anyone slept. No matter. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Would not have changed one blessed thing- except for the whole flip-flop episode, but that was the "morning of" and is stuff of CC lore!!</p>

<p>BOTTOM LINE:
This is not a "one size fits all." Do what your heart tells you and "full steam ahead." No regrets.</p>

60

<p>We're a USNA family. Our son wanted us to go to I-Day (we had not seen Annapolis before...at all... He is the only one that had been there (for NASS)) and he wanted to be able to take us around all over the Yard and the town. He also wanted to drive in every direction for 22nm just to see what the range really meant for his new "universe" that he would be able, some day, to enjoy. So, mom/dad/next oldest sister went. We went in a day early and toured all over. Got him there about 20 minutes before his report time, and didn't see him again until the Oath (but that was <em>absolutely</em> the most moving thing I've experienced in a very long time, and that includes the birth of a grandchild...). I can't say it was a cheap time (10 hours driving 1-way, hotels, food, etc), but it was very much worth it. PPW was also worth it. Fully. Same group went. Other than that, he's come home to us on the three leave periods.
And, while some may try to admonish me to "take the family anyway", he has asked us to "save our money" and not go to Herndon; he is hoping to have 0 Block, and very well may not be there. He knows our finances are very tight, and that Herndon would be a big $$ stretch. I'm reserving a hotel in case he ends up with 2nd block (he knows he has Block 1, and is in pre-season training for sports for Block 3). And, while he is "all about tradition" of USNA, he is absolutely fine with missing Herndon and Sea Trials (although I think it would be a blast to experience any of it, even if vicariously). He would much rather be on (in?) a sub in the Pacific, sliding along to foreign shores... He is chomping at the bit to have as many experiences in the Fleet as will be allowed, and just as quickly as he can get them.
We exchange a short phone call or short email about once every other week. It has been different, to be sure, to not be able to call/chat when one of us feels like it (our older three have all been either in civilian college, or went straight to workforce), but it has been enough.
Counsel as a family (personally, we also do a lot of praying), determine what works best for you, then forge on ahead with it and know that for the moment you made the decision, you made the best decision you could.
I agree with Navy2010. No regrets; with USNA you simply don't have time to replay the "what ifs" and "why didn't we's".</p>