Hello! Thanks for reading this post. I’ve been struggling with my AP english teacher for a while now, but today was somewhat of a breaking point. “I don’t care what you think,” as I raised my hand to speak.
I am a straight-A overachiever who always goes for 110%, I do all the extra credit, I am never disruptive or disrespectful in class, and I have never submitted a late assignment in my life. In this particular class I participate every day and I talk to my teacher after class and during lunch to fully understand how to improve past assignments and how to meet all of the expectations. I am one of 9 students in her junior class (out of 97) that has an A! However, she loves to compare my mistakes to others’ perfection, single me out to make fun of me in front of the whole class, make me cry, and today as I raised my hand to speak she dismissed me by saying “I don’t care what you think.” How can a teacher say that? What can I do to improve this relationship? Should I talk to someone?
Ask your guidance counselor if you can switch teachers. If she is the only teacher for that class, just talk to the teacher.
Yes. Speak to your guidance counselor or principal.
I would like to hear the teacher’s version of this situation. So will the principal.
My DD was in a similar situation her senior year in high school - she used to text me constantly! She is now a senior at Penn, so stick to your guns.
@TomSrOfBoston Other students had been disrupting her earlier in the class (I was NOT one of them), so I understand that she needed to get the class moving. However, I had not spoken at all yet during the class and was waiting to ask a quick question, so I don’t understand why she felt the need to dismiss me of all people.
@picktails Thank you very much for the reassuring comment, I will try to stick to my guns! And so impressive that your daughter is at Penn! I text my mom too as this continues to happen :))
I think you need to look hard at how you are participating in class. “Hermione Granger” can get really old after a while. If the teacher knows you have done the reading and probably have an opinion, and you are getting an A in the class, I’d tone it down a little bit. Maybe don’t check in as often after class and at lunch. You might be exhausting to teach – those students are out there.
While @intparent is sorta right, no teacher should say “I don’t care what you think” and single you out.
Talk to your principal.
I’m so sorry that your teacher is acting this way! I’m not excusing the behavior, I’m trying to figure out what she could possibly be thinking. So, does she maybe teach a lot of kids and is overwhelmed? Do you maybe over-participate, so that she’s spending a disproportionate amount of time with you, while she might be thinking that she needs to spend more time with some of your classmates who aren’t understanding the material? I think it’s great that you are trying to understand where she’s coming from. You’ll deal with plenty of difficult people in your life, so even though this stinks at least you’re still getting an A, and maybe you’ll end up getting some good people skills out of this.
I looked at the OP’s other posts. She says she cries multiple times a week and has high anxiety if she gets anything except an A. OP, I think you need to seek some counseling if you haven’t yet. Sure, this teacher said something rude, but you may very well be getting on her last nerve with constant pressure on her to find out how you can get and maintain that A. You probably are coming across as a “grade grubber”. I think you need help with this that isn’t available on a public forum. You should talk to some one IRL.
I have to say that this post immediately struck me as you being “overly sensitive.” Given that there was obviously a bit of hassle before the teacher said that to you, it seems like the teacher showed her human side. Teachers are ordinary people and sometimes they get frustrated, even if they try hard not to. But it doesn’t seem to me that it’s worth possibly getting a teacher written up or fired. I don’t think you should go to the principal. That is extreme, IMO, for what seems to be a minor thing, even though you probably felt the world heard it. (We didn’t.)
As for your list of ways you feel this teacher singles you out, my immediate thought, again, is that you are quite possibly being, again, overly sensitive. Please don’t think we are picking on you, but I suspect @intparent has a point in post #7. Your statement that “she dismissed me of all people” really does sound as though you need to tone it down a bit. Is it possible you are just a little too eager, or think a little too highly of yourself?
True story: in 11th grade, I had an AP English teacher whom I idolized. He said something humiliating to me in front of the whole class. Or, at least I interpreted it that way. No doubt every single kid forgot about it immediately, but I remember it forever, of course. He shouldn’t have said it, true. I thought it was mean-spirited. But I also suspect that I was quite a lot like you, and that I perhaps got on this teacher’s nerves. I didn’t report him to anyone. Instead, I stopped being Hermione Grainger in his class, and no doubt he was thrilled. It was a hard and unfair lesson. But it worked, for him anyway. And I still got a good grade in the class.
OP, we really don’t know whether you’re “overly” sensitive or just as sensitive as everyone else, but either way it’s not fun to be on the receiving end of an insensitive person’s comments. I like @Lindagaf 's example of how she was in 11th grade and it sounds like a good comparison, and I like how she said it was a hard and unfair lesson. Sure, your teacher shouldn’t be talking to you like that. And some people might say, don’t let someone talk to you like that ever, it’s abusive! But maybe there is a lesson in here for you, and maybe you can find the learning experience in this that @Lindagaf did. Some people are overwhelmed or have something going on in their lives that have nothing to do with you. Sometimes you really need to read a situation and think about whether your contribution will be welcomed or will take up time/energy that this person doesn’t have. Yes, this is totally unfair, but if you think about it, this teacher really isn’t that important in your life. As long as she gives you the grade you deserve, your experience learning how to deal with her might end up being the most useful thing you learned in HS.
Honestly, no teacher should say that to a student. I think that some people on this thread are wrong to put some of the blame on you for this situation. Personally, I am someone who is pretty quiet in class but I can’t imagine a teacher saying that to me or anyone else. Like you, I am pretty sensitive. If someone raises their voice at me, I’m probably going to tear up. Like you, I am also a hardworking A-level student. If a teacher is going to yell at anyone, it for sure would not be me, and it sounds like it wouldn’t be you either. Obviously, the teacher was stressed but this was an insensitive and unprofessional thing to say to a student, especially a well-meaning hardworking student like you. If you are still hurt by it you should talk to the teacher. Even though I don’t think what she said was right, everyone has bad days and I am sure she will apologize for her outburst. Also, based on everything else you said this doesn’t seem like an isolated incident caused by stress, it seems like routine behavior so honestly I would say go speak to the principal or to a guidance counselor if she doesn’t apologize.
I can also imagine several ways in which those words may have been said. (Good exercise for a dRama student, btw. ) one is downright mean aND rude and directed at you. Another is more of a “I’m going to hear from someone else so don’t make your arm tired by holding it up” and is more good humored. And yet another is "I’m not hearing from anyone at the moment after these last few minutes . "
I would let it go and just tone it down in class if I thought I was a little too HG
Again, her tone her could change everything and I’m sure she has a different perspective. I could very easily see this as her almost trying to complement you to the class, if in a somewhat snarky way, like: “I don’t need to hear your answer because I know it’s right, you always are. Instead I’d rather hear from someone I usually don’t.” If you have an A and are in the top 10% of the class, she’s obviously not out to get you. The other students truly might just have more to gain by participating than you do.
There’s such a thing as “too intense.” Yes, on other threads you describe long time anxiety, problems with another teacher who’s been “mean” to you, and an intense drive for grades. Here, you say, speaking every day in class, talking with the teacher after, and even buttonholing her at lunch. It may help to try to find a balance.
It is concerning that you know everyone grades, whether other Juniors have As, how many students are in each class. You might want a LOR from this teacher, so think about it before bumping the issue higher.
@sciencenerd123 I wasn’t trying to place some of the blame on OP, but instead was responding to her question of “how can a teacher say that? What can I do to improve this relationship?” I’m really sensitive too, and honestly it makes life harder; life is so much easier if you can let things roll off your back a little. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve received is that most people are so involved in their own lives and their own problems, that a lot of interactions are really about them, and not about you. Another thing I’ve learned is that sometimes you can change the tone of the exchange by speaking “up” to them. By that I mean if a comment can be taken one of two ways, take it the better way. And sometimes you can say something that acknowledges that you are taking it a certain way (the good way) and you appreciate that they said this positive thing. I’m not saying this clearly, but people generally want to be seen as being nice and good, and sometimes you can create a situation where if someone said something iffy and you acknowledge it as good, that person can step-up into the good behavior because you are establishing a set of expectations for them. So one of my points is that as long as this teacher is still giving OP good grades, the OP can use this opportunity to learn skills in dealing with tough people. Of course, if this teacher starts giving out bad, undeserved grades, that’s another story and it’s time to bring administration in.
@twoinanddone It is surprising that I know this, but it’s because the teacher announces her top grades and frequently tells us that she has 97 students to explain why grading takes a while. I don’t go around asking people for their grades and monitoring class sizes.