So… this is a lengthy story.
I am going to a fairly large university. I live very far from my parents (two days of driving at best to go home). I am a sophomore this year. Last year I lived in the dorms. I was pretty good friends with my roommate. However, I became really depressed and stressed. It got to the point where I would pass out because the stress took a toll on my heart. I started seeing a counselor. I ended up getting permission for an ESA and bringing my dog back to school with me. My roommate was allergic, so I had to transfer. I moved into a suite and had 3 roommates instead. I never really became friends with those girls. I thought that I would get better after this, however, I just became more reclusive. I never left my dorm. My parents (they can track me using my phone) would comment about how I am always home and my dad specifically chastised me for not having friends. My counselor and I thought I was getting better, so she told me to ignore him. I would go to my grandma’s house during the weekends and hang out with my cousins (I go to school in the state that my parents are originally from). I really liked doing that. But this year is a little different. I live off campus now. I can only be on campus during certain times of the day because parking is very hard to find, I just take the bus. However, the bus only runs until 6. I am taking 19 credit hours and I am already feeling the stress from it. It has already taking all of my time to do anything social. I am afraid I will start having heart problems again. My dad also made me get a job. I kinda wanted one at first, but now I am just not sure I can handle it. I am only working 10 hours a week and it is on campus, but it still takes from the time that I could have spent studying. He was pretty upset when he found out that I only agreed to work 10 hours. I understand that many students have to work, but I am living off campus, and my monthly cost is cheaper than what it was on campus. Lastly, I am very lonely. I have no friends. My old roommate and I never get to see each other. I sit with a girl that I met last semester in one of my classes, but I feel like whenever we talk, she really doesn’t ever seem to be speaking to me. She mostly talks to her other friends who also sit with us. I never can find a chance to enter the conversation. I did have one other friend from last year, but I kinda broke it off from her because she tried to cheat off of me. I just feel like I have nobody. I feel so different from everybody here and I feel like, because I am a sophomore, everybody already has their best friend that they will have forever. Like those friends who end up being your bridesmaid or whatever. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this depressed since last fall. I wanted to try clubs and all that this year, but my job keeps me from being able to make it to the meetings. I just wish I could do something other than going to my grandma’s house this year.
Quit your job;
Study during those hours.
Stop going to grandma’s on the weekend.
Bike into campus for social activities on the weekend.
You just need to have a proper time management. Being in college is not easy but it is a matter of knowing you want in life, pursuing it and striving to be the best.
You need to drop a class immediately. I think you are taking at least five classes. Four is usual. You are not doing yourself any favors with an overloaded schedule. Go to the college counseling center. Keep the appointments.
People make friends throughout their lives. There’s no time limit. If you spend all your time off campus, it willbe more difficult to make friends. The kids who stay on campus will make friends with others who stick around. It’s early in the school year, plenty of time to change things.
You are hurting and need to reach out for help. Are you on medication for your depression? Call today to get an appointment with a counselor.
There is no hope for you to be able to manage a 10 hour job and 19 hours of classes. And If any of those classes are labs, you will have even more time required for academics.
No student, even someone that is not struggling with mental health issues, can sustain that schedule. Get your counselor to write something you can share with your parents to say you must quit your job.
And do you have your dog with you for all your time on campus? Or is dog left alone in your off campus apartment?
Find out deadline for dropping a class. Speak with your advisor about choosing a class to drop. If a class in particular is stressing you greatly, or a class starts at 8 am and getting to campus that early stresses you, those are the things to consider as you choose which class to drop.
Be sure you ask and follow the schools rules for officially withdrawing from a class.
Yes, the friends thing is important. But your class schedule and work hours are literally too much for you to handle. You must cut back if you want to have any time to participate in activities.
Are your parents stressing about finances? Is that why they forced you to get a job? Or are they trying to help get you interacting with people on campus through work?
This is a safe place to vent and to get advice. Please read, consider, and respond as you are able. There are many caring folks here that want to help you.
It sounds as if you have anxiety, based on your history of passing out when you get stressed. I used to do that, too, until I got treatment for anxiety. Ask your therapist about this.
I agree with the others that you should cut back to the minimum number of classes you need to be considered full-time. You should also consider moving back into a dorm on campus. It is much easier to meet people when you’re living in a dorm than off-campus.
Everyone needs friends. You will find others in your situation, because people don’t just decide they have all the friends they need freshman year. Look for other introverts.
Thank you guys for your advice. I am not sure how it is going to pan out. I am afraid to quit my job as I just started it a few weeks ago. To answer some questions, first I am hesitant to go back to counseling. My dad was very upset when I started counseling because it cost $25 per week, so I know he would just get upset all over again. My dad gave me a credit card and I was given an allowance that I could use it for. I wasn’t allowed to buy “luxury” items exactly but if I wanted to go out to eat, that’s what I could use my allowance for. He made me use my allowance for therapy. Now I can’t do that as much because I have to buy groceries this year as I am not on a meal plan. I just know it will be a big fight if I go back. And, no I am not on depression medications. My dog is no longer with me, I have my two cats now. My dog was getting old and I didn’t want her to deal with the stress of living at school. She frequently needs to go to the vet now for pain medications as she gets older, so I decided to leave her with my parents. My sister decided that she didn’t want to take care of the cats anymore (she had originally wanted to) so I took them. While my mom doesn’t stress about finances, my dad is meticulous with them. He only wanted me to get a job so I could pay some of my own bills, which I am. I do have money saved from working over the summer. I might just keep my job until I have the money to pay for my bills without ruining my savings completely.
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
You should not have more than 14-15 credit hours - drop one class.
Keep your job - try to make friends there. Co-workers can be friendly, too!
Use your salary for the counseling -$25 a week shouldn’t impact your budget tooooo much, right?
Do you still have a allowance?
- I agree…think about dropping a course but talk to your adviser first.
- 10 hours/week is about the max you should work when taking a full load (15 credits)
- Keep with the counseling…if your Dad says anything tell him this is the cheapest counseling available and you want to do everything you can to succeed.
Yes, tell your dad that counseling is what you need to continue to function. It’s a lot less expensive than the alternative of dropping out of school.
My daughter has anxiety and counseling has been mandatory for her. She’s studying abroad this semester. We are going to pay for her to have a couple of video calls with her therapist.
“It got to the point where I would pass out because the stress took a toll on my heart.”
“I am afraid that I will start having heart problems again.”
@KatelynBrother: I don’t know whether or not you need counseling, but I do know that you need to see a cardiologist ASAP.
Heart & blood pressure issues can & do cause mood swings & depression.
Also, I encourage you to keep your job & to drastically lower your current course hours. Better to graduate happy, healthy & with a good GPA in 5 years, then to fail trying to do so in 4 years.
The right heart &, possibly, blood pressure medication could drastically change your mood & outlook on life in general.
Please make an appointment with a cardiologist ASAP. If you are already taking heart related meds, you may need an adjustment.
College & university years are a time to enjoy life. Your Dad should be focusing on making positive comments & avoid making negative comments. While you cannot control his behavior, you can place it in proper perspective–one who means well but ….
@KatelynBrother: Please go to the health center and get your blood pressure checked. This should be a free service. It is not normal to pass out. You may be suffering from low blood pressure.